Anyone out there suffer anxiety/agoraphobia
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I now climb out of the plane and my legs are no longer wobbly, and all I can think of is how soon I can afford my next mission!
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Fenland - yup. Yesterday was another landmark event for me... I'm sorry for rambling on in this thread, but hopefully if it encourages anyone else with social anxiety/ agoraphobia to fly then it's worth it...
I went to the airfield, armed with an egg custard to share amongst my new mates in the warm sun we enjoyed that day... As I arrived there was a young lad who was physically disabled who was just coming out of the flight school's hut - I wasn't sure if he had just been up in a microlight, or one of his parents, but just then a kind gent showed up and offered to take the kid up in his helli, for a few minutes of fun - for free! The kids face was a picture, and his parents were delighted, of course. I have to say, this really moved me and only reinforced my belief that flyers are, on the whole, a great bunch.
Then, the big moment for me came only moments before I was about to tootle back home when the owner of my flight school asked if I fancied taking the C42 I fly round to the fuel bay... Of course, I jumped at the chance (having only done 5hrs, any time in the cockpit is fun for me!)... I thought he was going to sit in with me, but when he passed me the key and said he'd meet me round the other side of the field, I can't explain the anticipation! This must sound really daft - but it's the first time I sat in there, started up, RT'd the tower and taxied all on my lonesome. Proud as punch I trundled along the main taxiway imagining how I would feel if only I was going straight on to the hold for RWY 34 for my first solo circuit... ahhhhhhh..... dream on stevie boy!!! Taxied back as well, and it was pretty congested outside the hangar so really had to think carefully about where to turn round and not losing any paint!
The trouble is, living only 4 miles from Wolverpenny airfield I'm constantly looking skyward at everything that comes past with a longing in my heart to be back up there!
I went to the airfield, armed with an egg custard to share amongst my new mates in the warm sun we enjoyed that day... As I arrived there was a young lad who was physically disabled who was just coming out of the flight school's hut - I wasn't sure if he had just been up in a microlight, or one of his parents, but just then a kind gent showed up and offered to take the kid up in his helli, for a few minutes of fun - for free! The kids face was a picture, and his parents were delighted, of course. I have to say, this really moved me and only reinforced my belief that flyers are, on the whole, a great bunch.
Then, the big moment for me came only moments before I was about to tootle back home when the owner of my flight school asked if I fancied taking the C42 I fly round to the fuel bay... Of course, I jumped at the chance (having only done 5hrs, any time in the cockpit is fun for me!)... I thought he was going to sit in with me, but when he passed me the key and said he'd meet me round the other side of the field, I can't explain the anticipation! This must sound really daft - but it's the first time I sat in there, started up, RT'd the tower and taxied all on my lonesome. Proud as punch I trundled along the main taxiway imagining how I would feel if only I was going straight on to the hold for RWY 34 for my first solo circuit... ahhhhhhh..... dream on stevie boy!!! Taxied back as well, and it was pretty congested outside the hangar so really had to think carefully about where to turn round and not losing any paint!
The trouble is, living only 4 miles from Wolverpenny airfield I'm constantly looking skyward at everything that comes past with a longing in my heart to be back up there!
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Completed my 9th hour today. Still plugging away in the C42, and am now enjoying the pleasures of circuit flying. Today was a bit mixed... had my appointment with GP this morning to get my self declaration medical done, and because of some previous anxiety problems, I ended up with a class 1 
Still hopefully if I can keep up my flying and finally conquer my anxiety then by the time I need to start thinking about my GST then I should be OK to get re-evaluated? One hopes! Feeling a bit despondent about it...
Anyway flying was fun today... My first time flying later in the day at Halfpenny Green, and through a little light drizzle, which was something new, and they switched on the lights for RWY16, so I got my first look at PAPIs and runway lighting for real, which was great. It was a little distracting at first, but at least it's not a precision runway, so not truly christmas-tree-like.
Officially did my first landings today (was part of the briefing), and really enjoyed it... Worst one was about 10feet off centreline, but the rest were pretty much on the money. I also found that flaring was a case of connecting my stick arm to the horizon... It was one of those "riding a bicycle" moments where the penny dropped and the amount of backpressure needed in the hold off suddenly seemed less of a mystery.
Really starting to feel more comfortable with the plane, and finding more brain capacity being freed up for thinking things like "which field would I go for if the engine were to expire". Even better is the fact the such thoughts don't compel my bladder to do summersaults any more - although I suspect if the engine WERE to expire....
All in all a very rewarding lesson, which more than offset the disappointing medical.
Still hopefully if I can keep up my flying and finally conquer my anxiety then by the time I need to start thinking about my GST then I should be OK to get re-evaluated? One hopes! Feeling a bit despondent about it...
Anyway flying was fun today... My first time flying later in the day at Halfpenny Green, and through a little light drizzle, which was something new, and they switched on the lights for RWY16, so I got my first look at PAPIs and runway lighting for real, which was great. It was a little distracting at first, but at least it's not a precision runway, so not truly christmas-tree-like.
Officially did my first landings today (was part of the briefing), and really enjoyed it... Worst one was about 10feet off centreline, but the rest were pretty much on the money. I also found that flaring was a case of connecting my stick arm to the horizon... It was one of those "riding a bicycle" moments where the penny dropped and the amount of backpressure needed in the hold off suddenly seemed less of a mystery.
Really starting to feel more comfortable with the plane, and finding more brain capacity being freed up for thinking things like "which field would I go for if the engine were to expire". Even better is the fact the such thoughts don't compel my bladder to do summersaults any more - although I suspect if the engine WERE to expire....
All in all a very rewarding lesson, which more than offset the disappointing medical.
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Good to hear things are going well I wouldn't worry about the medical, it's not like you will be taking passengers for a while yet anyway, and I’m sure a discussion with you GP after you've had your license for a while should get it changed, if not time to change the GP!
It sounds like you're getting on better with landings than I did, took me ages to start to get the hang of them!
I wouldn't worry about the medical, it's not like you will be taking passengers for a while yet anyway, and I’m sure a discussion with you GP after you've had your license for a while should get it changed, if not time to change the GP! It sounds like you're getting on better with landings than I did, took me ages to start to get the hang of them!
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SandbagSteve,
I learnt to fly in a C42 (and would go back to one without a moments hesitation if the opportunity arose). I found that PFLs were a blast in it & enjoyed them tremendously. I'd suggest after doing that part of the syllabus then you'll probably feel different about even this bit.
...although I suspect if the engine WERE to expire...
Since passing my PPL a couple of months back and since looking at a stripped down C152, I found it quite scary to think 'that is all thats keeping you in the air!!? 
' I must say I find it slightly un-easy flying over expanses of water or over urban area's more so now I have a better understanding of how an engine works and what could potentially go wrong. (When I was younger and learning to fly I didn't really think about it!) I suppose i'm being too nervous but sometimes I say to myself "if my engine fails now...i'm in the s**t!"
' I must say I find it slightly un-easy flying over expanses of water or over urban area's more so now I have a better understanding of how an engine works and what could potentially go wrong. (When I was younger and learning to fly I didn't really think about it!) I suppose i'm being too nervous but sometimes I say to myself "if my engine fails now...i'm in the s**t!"
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If my engine fails now, I'm in the sh1t is something thats passed through my mind on occasion. Now at 11hrs total (all say ooooohh!) and have started doing glide approaches. Mr instructor threw a curve ball at me the other day on our last touch and go of the day, and gave me a power failure after takeoff... Partly my fault really - he did ask me what I wanted to do on my last circuit of the day and I said (stupidly) "surprise me"...
Still, all good fun... Next lesson is going to be looking at more PFT drills, along with more circuit bashing (wind permitting, otherwise it will be nice to fly off somewhere for a bit of a jolly and maybe look at steep turns, unusual attitudes - oh joy!)
Reason for writing today though, is that I did my FRTOL written exam last week (which I'm embarrassed to admit I aced) and have my oral/practical test tomorrow - and frankly I'm more than a little anxious. I'm just wondering if the other students will be sitting about watching me goof, or if I'll be in a room on my own? I guess I'm just looking for some re-assurance it's not the gruelling ordeal I've built it up to be in my mind! (I sometimes wonder why I write these posts as my instructor always seems to find them and then takes the mickey next time I see him)
Still, all good fun... Next lesson is going to be looking at more PFT drills, along with more circuit bashing (wind permitting, otherwise it will be nice to fly off somewhere for a bit of a jolly and maybe look at steep turns, unusual attitudes - oh joy!)
Reason for writing today though, is that I did my FRTOL written exam last week (which I'm embarrassed to admit I aced) and have my oral/practical test tomorrow - and frankly I'm more than a little anxious. I'm just wondering if the other students will be sitting about watching me goof, or if I'll be in a room on my own? I guess I'm just looking for some re-assurance it's not the gruelling ordeal I've built it up to be in my mind! (I sometimes wonder why I write these posts as my instructor always seems to find them and then takes the mickey next time I see him)
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Never say that to a flying instructor!
I suppose it's a telling sign that I'm more anxious about fiddling with a make believe radio than I am actually jumping in a plane and flying... A few months ago I wouldn't have thought that would ever be the case... progress!
I better get some shut eye - want to be wide awake tomorrow morning!
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I must say I find it slightly un-easy flying over expanses of water or over urban area's more so now I have a better understanding of how an engine works and what could potentially go wrong
Over land, it is a forced landing.
Over water, you carry a raft. Without one, you will probably die of hypothermia before they find you. For me a no-raft means no-go over any water. So, get a raft and stop worrying
There are time windows when there are no escape routes, e.g. flight over dense forests, but these are normally short (in this part of Europe). Plus quite a few departure/arrival routes...
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Living in land locked Midlands, I think it may be a while before I go over water... certainly a large enough body to warrant a raft - but wise words nonetheless.
Well, today's RT practical exam had me more anxious than the first time I ever went up in the plane. A few hours of briefing, and planning, and then it was off over the airfield to the little office containing a strange little box with a rotary knob (for channel selection) PTT button, and a well worn headset. Suddenly, all of the flight notes I had made seemed to take on an other worldly importance. "when you're ready, you can begin", came the examiners voice through the headset. gulp
Well, after flying about 150 virtual miles, passing through various MATZ, LARS, CTRs, getting a QDM, having an engine problem, and going around due to some charlie with his brakes jammed on my arrival runway, I was glad to hear "that concludes the test"... and even happier to find a few minutes later that I had passed.
Even better, my two fellow students also passed... Also, many thanks to Mr Andy Moon, who delivered an excellent course, to Stevie "Roger" Wilkes at Hadair.co.uk for hosting the course, and not least, Mrs Moon for the outstanding buffet provided on day one!
Just a handful of exams to go... I'm so happy to have got this far - the confidence boost is amazing... and is even having an effect on my non-flying life that I never expected. Can't wait to get airborne again to try out my new skills
Well, today's RT practical exam had me more anxious than the first time I ever went up in the plane. A few hours of briefing, and planning, and then it was off over the airfield to the little office containing a strange little box with a rotary knob (for channel selection) PTT button, and a well worn headset. Suddenly, all of the flight notes I had made seemed to take on an other worldly importance. "when you're ready, you can begin", came the examiners voice through the headset. gulp
Well, after flying about 150 virtual miles, passing through various MATZ, LARS, CTRs, getting a QDM, having an engine problem, and going around due to some charlie with his brakes jammed on my arrival runway, I was glad to hear "that concludes the test"... and even happier to find a few minutes later that I had passed.
Even better, my two fellow students also passed... Also, many thanks to Mr Andy Moon, who delivered an excellent course, to Stevie "Roger" Wilkes at Hadair.co.uk for hosting the course, and not least, Mrs Moon for the outstanding buffet provided on day one!
Just a handful of exams to go... I'm so happy to have got this far - the confidence boost is amazing... and is even having an effect on my non-flying life that I never expected. Can't wait to get airborne again to try out my new skills
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..and going around due to some charlie with his brakes jammed on my arrival runway..
Seriously, I've found that as a newbie on RT putting the same amount of prep into a real flight using a service as you did for the exam pays off in reduced workload until you have built up more experience. Also don't be scared doing it for real, most ATCOs are very helpful & friendly so the first real time is generally a lot easier (thanks guys at DTV!) than your mind would have you believe in advance.
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hehe Batninth, I suspect this chap with the poorly maintained bird does indeed haunt the virtual airways to add a bit of interest...
To be honest, the unique and amusing accent employed by the examiner to portray this hapless aviator raised a smile - I might even have laughed out loud in the test booth. But it did succeed in testing one's quick thinking.
Arclite thanks for the encouragement. I am wary that the original title might just be serving to exclude me from ever achieving my goal of taking my dad up for a flight one day!
The truth is that I am now getting decidedly grouchy after not flying for nearly 2 weeks due to weather cancellations,
and can't wait to get airborne again. In fact I was meant to fly today but the 16G25 wind soon put paid to that! So I went to the airfield anyway, and completely on the spur of the moment decided to have a go at my Law exam...
Passed only got a couple wrong, and one of them I think was due to me having no clue as it wasn't in my revision materials. 
So... just three written papers to go and now I have all the bits of paper I need to fly my first solo. Although I expect I'm a few hours away from that yet.
To be honest, the unique and amusing accent employed by the examiner to portray this hapless aviator raised a smile - I might even have laughed out loud in the test booth. But it did succeed in testing one's quick thinking.
Arclite thanks for the encouragement. I am wary that the original title might just be serving to exclude me from ever achieving my goal of taking my dad up for a flight one day!
The truth is that I am now getting decidedly grouchy after not flying for nearly 2 weeks due to weather cancellations,
and can't wait to get airborne again. In fact I was meant to fly today but the 16G25 wind soon put paid to that! So I went to the airfield anyway, and completely on the spur of the moment decided to have a go at my Law exam... Passed
only got a couple wrong, and one of them I think was due to me having no clue as it wasn't in my revision materials. So... just three written papers to go
and now I have all the bits of paper I need to fly my first solo. Although I expect I'm a few hours away from that yet.
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Well, it's been a few weeks, or months since my last post here. As the title suggests, I have had a long struggle with sociophobia/agoraphobia throughout my life, which coupled with a burning desire to go and do things involving engines and speed has led to an interesting life full of challenges.
I recently reached 15hrs on my log book, so with all of the major exercises squared away, RT Exam, Law, HPL, and Aircraft Tech done and my medical done, it only really remained for me to go it alone.
I have been happily doing circuits with my trusty instructor for the past few hours, and even going out on a few little nav-ex's. However, today was a day for consoliadtion, so circuits it was...
After about 4 circuits, and making a couple of very minor boobs (trying to start her up with the mags off, and forgetting to call downwind until prompted by the kindly FISO) it became almost a farce to carry on going round in circles with two people in the plane.
Completely off the cuff I made the call "Golf India Yankee downwind 16 for full stop". I'm not entirely sure, but I could almost sense the thought bubble above my instructors head containing the words "Thank f**k he's made the decision!" So, after a reasonable landing, and taxiing to an unused bit of tarmac, we called the tower to let them know about a change of captain.
And then I was alone.... very alone.... My extra strong mint (normally my comforter in times of stress) just wasn't cutting it, and as my instructor's form shuffled off toward the tower to spectate the ensuing activities it seemed there was no other thing for it... Start'er up Steve!
I was quite pleased I remembered to use the Student prefix when I asked for info and taxi instructions, and even more pleased that I arrived at the correct holding point confident in having done my checks... twice - just to be sure. A deep breath, and then it was time to announce to the world I was ready to take one giant leap...
By the time I had released the brakes to line up, I had already forgotten the wind report, but the windsock was as limp as me after several pints so that didn't matter... and despite being very poor RT, I might have stated my love for my wife after confirming my departure to the tower...
Jeezzz!!! 100bph on the front of an Icarus C42 with 1 on board! I was past 400ft before I had chance to clean the flaps away. 1000 agl came up well before turning to downwind, so I found myself trying to fly level in a turn while trimming for speed - all very interesting. Downwind was a doddle - I might even have waggled the wings a little (too little for anyone to notice!) just to confirm to myself that this was all real and I was indeed in control!
And then after making my downwind call, the inevitable feelings of "hmmm... now I have to land this thing" started to invade my happy place. Well, to cut a long story short, I decided on just a single stage of flaps, and cruised in at a couple of knotts over the diamond on the ASI - Full of confidence after my "on rails" approach I touched the mains on the numbers.... then left them again for a few yards (arrgghh!!!!! I blame the lack of weight in the plane) and then sank gently down for what felt like the longest wheelie ever before the nosewheel sank... The FISO on duty provided a brief congrats with my return taxi instructions, and before long, I was back at the hangar shutting down.
After pouring myself out of the plane, and propping myself up for a photo (for some reason, my knees had completely gone on strike) we went for a walk up to the tower to say hello, and the FISO was kind enough to give me my flight strip as a memento (to go in a photo frame with pic of me leaning against the plane).
Sorry for such a long write up - but for anyone else out there whose self confidence is as bad as mine, please, please don't give up... I won't stay I'm no longer anxious about doing it all again, but I know next time will be a little easier. Flying is too magical a pursuit to give up!!!
A huge thank you to Hadair at EGBO, and Les my incredibly patient instructor for all of the encouragement
p.s. FLYING IS ACE!
I recently reached 15hrs on my log book, so with all of the major exercises squared away, RT Exam, Law, HPL, and Aircraft Tech done and my medical done, it only really remained for me to go it alone.
I have been happily doing circuits with my trusty instructor for the past few hours, and even going out on a few little nav-ex's. However, today was a day for consoliadtion, so circuits it was...
After about 4 circuits, and making a couple of very minor boobs (trying to start her up with the mags off, and forgetting to call downwind until prompted by the kindly FISO) it became almost a farce to carry on going round in circles with two people in the plane.
Completely off the cuff I made the call "Golf India Yankee downwind 16 for full stop". I'm not entirely sure, but I could almost sense the thought bubble above my instructors head containing the words "Thank f**k he's made the decision!" So, after a reasonable landing, and taxiing to an unused bit of tarmac, we called the tower to let them know about a change of captain.
And then I was alone.... very alone.... My extra strong mint (normally my comforter in times of stress) just wasn't cutting it, and as my instructor's form shuffled off toward the tower to spectate the ensuing activities it seemed there was no other thing for it... Start'er up Steve!
I was quite pleased I remembered to use the Student prefix when I asked for info and taxi instructions, and even more pleased that I arrived at the correct holding point confident in having done my checks... twice - just to be sure. A deep breath, and then it was time to announce to the world I was ready to take one giant leap...
By the time I had released the brakes to line up, I had already forgotten the wind report, but the windsock was as limp as me after several pints so that didn't matter... and despite being very poor RT, I might have stated my love for my wife after confirming my departure to the tower...
Jeezzz!!! 100bph on the front of an Icarus C42 with 1 on board! I was past 400ft before I had chance to clean the flaps away. 1000 agl came up well before turning to downwind, so I found myself trying to fly level in a turn while trimming for speed - all very interesting. Downwind was a doddle - I might even have waggled the wings a little (too little for anyone to notice!) just to confirm to myself that this was all real and I was indeed in control!
And then after making my downwind call, the inevitable feelings of "hmmm... now I have to land this thing" started to invade my happy place. Well, to cut a long story short, I decided on just a single stage of flaps, and cruised in at a couple of knotts over the diamond on the ASI - Full of confidence after my "on rails" approach I touched the mains on the numbers.... then left them again for a few yards (arrgghh!!!!! I blame the lack of weight in the plane) and then sank gently down for what felt like the longest wheelie ever before the nosewheel sank... The FISO on duty provided a brief congrats with my return taxi instructions, and before long, I was back at the hangar shutting down.
After pouring myself out of the plane, and propping myself up for a photo (for some reason, my knees had completely gone on strike) we went for a walk up to the tower to say hello, and the FISO was kind enough to give me my flight strip as a memento (to go in a photo frame with pic of me leaning against the plane).
Sorry for such a long write up - but for anyone else out there whose self confidence is as bad as mine, please, please don't give up... I won't stay I'm no longer anxious about doing it all again, but I know next time will be a little easier. Flying is too magical a pursuit to give up!!!
A huge thank you to Hadair at EGBO, and Les my incredibly patient instructor for all of the encouragement
p.s. FLYING IS ACE!
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First solo...
Steve - congrats on the first solo, it's a very special moment.
I remember the 'I've got to land this thing, without help' feeling very well, and the relief of touching down!
Mine was last September, and I passed my GST 3 weeks ago, and now, with my new license in hand, took my son flying today. Never thought I'd be able to say that this time last year!
I remember the 'I've got to land this thing, without help' feeling very well, and the relief of touching down!
Mine was last September, and I passed my GST 3 weeks ago, and now, with my new license in hand, took my son flying today. Never thought I'd be able to say that this time last year!
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Must be great Alan... The young man (17ish) who introduced me to fixed wing microlighting just posted a video on youtube of his first flight taking his dad up for a ride a week or so after getting his nppl.
I really want to get through the rest so I can enjoy that magical days when I can take friends/family up for a bimble around the sky.
Posted this video of my last circuit before going solo (battery gave out and corrupted my solo flight vid arrrgghhh!!!)
YouTube - Ikarus C42 High Approach
I really want to get through the rest so I can enjoy that magical days when I can take friends/family up for a bimble around the sky.
Posted this video of my last circuit before going solo (battery gave out and corrupted my solo flight vid arrrgghhh!!!)
YouTube - Ikarus C42 High Approach
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This is more like a blog - but things have moved on... October 2010 saw me passing my GST!!! Since then I've enjoyed many happy hours flying solo, and with friends/family - what an amazing journey! 
I'm just looking forward to a summer of dry grass strips and several adventures. I'll not post any more to this thread now - suffice to say I really hope it can encourage others who need a bit of a boost, to stick at it!
I'm just looking forward to a summer of dry grass strips and several adventures. I'll not post any more to this thread now - suffice to say I really hope it can encourage others who need a bit of a boost, to stick at it!