bitch gripe moan whinge etc
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bitch gripe moan whinge etc
The good Captain has given up a place of our very own so we can do what the professionals do in theirs! Gripe and groan! Thanks Cap'n!
Nothing like a good kvetching to reduce the blood pressure and tone up the bowels.
Here are a carefully selected ten of my personal blood-boilers. In no particular order.
1) That place by the sewage farm, surrounded by carparks, near Slough. Please, aviation industry, we pax want to fly from nice peaceful clean regionals like Southampton and Bristol, that we can get to in our cars on the same day we set out. Why do we have to pay so much extra though for the privilege? SOU-BRU is about triple the cost of LHR-BRU, for example.
2) Crazy airfare pricing. Complex and unfair. It's usually cheapest to fly from an over-crowded airport, in rush-hour, rather than from a regional at a more convenient time for all concerned. This situation creates an (IMHO) entirely spurious demand for slots into and out of LHR. We don't *want* to fly from there, but that's all we can afford...
And then this lark - "Sir, you want our UltraPOX fare, depart on a Thursday, return on a Tuesday when Sirius is in the ascending node, with an obligatory stop in Liverpool, but don't worry, it only adds 45 minutes to your total flight time from LAX-SOU. You have to pay two weeks in advance, in Zambian Kwachas only, but your Argos points can be used to pay up to 18% of the fare, except those gained by paying for groceries. Oh sorry, that fare is only available to pregnant women travelling during lunar eclipses. But for only £5 more there is the HappyPAX super-economy... uuh, are you either Jewish or a freemason? Then let's try the Megadiscount moneysaver, that's £ 50 more expensive, saving you 50p on the standard fare..."
3) Baggage handlers who treat the word "Fragile" as a challenge. Which causes...
4) Overhead baggage lockers without enough capacity to take one fifth of people's carry-on baggage. And related whinge, total lack of co-ordination between the ground people who let people take enormous trunks on board, and the hosties who then have to act as human rubbish-composters to get them into the bins. Which in turn means; if your luggage is fragile, don't take it as accompanied baggage.
5) Endless safety announcements in three languages which everyone's heard so often they pass well below the threshold of perception. "Ladies and gentlemen, please read the card you are currently fanning yourself with. If you can't read, or someone's used the card to draw pictures of Mummy in fluorescent pink crayon, please call a member of the cabin crew. The nearest safety exit is the one closest to you. Look around, can you see it? Thank you. Mesdames et Messieurs..." That should do nicely.
6) The drivers of the airside busses at Zaventem. I think they all feel they ought to be at Spa-Francorchamps instead. *Slow down*, for Chrissake!
7) Tiny seats. Some airlines now have seats which are too small even for me, which is a real achievement as I'm only 1m70 tall, and double-jointed at knee, ankle, and elbow. And when the three-year-old in front reclines its seat, the little table becomes unusable - and the patellas of both knees get dislocated. Why pack the pax in like sardines, if there's no room for their luggage? And why make the seats reclineable, if there's nowhere for the seat to recline into?
8) Guys up the sharp end who don't let a breath of cool air into the cabin (through those eyeball vent thingies) until
the first heatstroke victims are passing the point of no return.
9) Indian Airlines. Everything about their entire operation.
10) Knackered old aircraft, where bits fall off on takeoff, oil wells up from the general area of the jets, and dribbles along during the entire flight, while ice builds up all over the place, with periodic shedding of small icebergs. And when the flaps go down or the airbrakes go up, they reveal that everything underneath is covered in primordinal grime. Eek! One British airline of my experience, one Irish. No names mentioned so I don't get done for slander. But one is a flag-carrier, and the other isn't Aer Lingus.
I don't understand why everyone stands up the minute the wheels hit terra firma. If you are the last person off the plane, you will reach the baggage carousel just as the first bag arrives. I have confirmed this Aviation Law by numerous experiences.
justapax
Nothing like a good kvetching to reduce the blood pressure and tone up the bowels.
Here are a carefully selected ten of my personal blood-boilers. In no particular order.
1) That place by the sewage farm, surrounded by carparks, near Slough. Please, aviation industry, we pax want to fly from nice peaceful clean regionals like Southampton and Bristol, that we can get to in our cars on the same day we set out. Why do we have to pay so much extra though for the privilege? SOU-BRU is about triple the cost of LHR-BRU, for example.
2) Crazy airfare pricing. Complex and unfair. It's usually cheapest to fly from an over-crowded airport, in rush-hour, rather than from a regional at a more convenient time for all concerned. This situation creates an (IMHO) entirely spurious demand for slots into and out of LHR. We don't *want* to fly from there, but that's all we can afford...
And then this lark - "Sir, you want our UltraPOX fare, depart on a Thursday, return on a Tuesday when Sirius is in the ascending node, with an obligatory stop in Liverpool, but don't worry, it only adds 45 minutes to your total flight time from LAX-SOU. You have to pay two weeks in advance, in Zambian Kwachas only, but your Argos points can be used to pay up to 18% of the fare, except those gained by paying for groceries. Oh sorry, that fare is only available to pregnant women travelling during lunar eclipses. But for only £5 more there is the HappyPAX super-economy... uuh, are you either Jewish or a freemason? Then let's try the Megadiscount moneysaver, that's £ 50 more expensive, saving you 50p on the standard fare..."
3) Baggage handlers who treat the word "Fragile" as a challenge. Which causes...
4) Overhead baggage lockers without enough capacity to take one fifth of people's carry-on baggage. And related whinge, total lack of co-ordination between the ground people who let people take enormous trunks on board, and the hosties who then have to act as human rubbish-composters to get them into the bins. Which in turn means; if your luggage is fragile, don't take it as accompanied baggage.
5) Endless safety announcements in three languages which everyone's heard so often they pass well below the threshold of perception. "Ladies and gentlemen, please read the card you are currently fanning yourself with. If you can't read, or someone's used the card to draw pictures of Mummy in fluorescent pink crayon, please call a member of the cabin crew. The nearest safety exit is the one closest to you. Look around, can you see it? Thank you. Mesdames et Messieurs..." That should do nicely.
6) The drivers of the airside busses at Zaventem. I think they all feel they ought to be at Spa-Francorchamps instead. *Slow down*, for Chrissake!
7) Tiny seats. Some airlines now have seats which are too small even for me, which is a real achievement as I'm only 1m70 tall, and double-jointed at knee, ankle, and elbow. And when the three-year-old in front reclines its seat, the little table becomes unusable - and the patellas of both knees get dislocated. Why pack the pax in like sardines, if there's no room for their luggage? And why make the seats reclineable, if there's nowhere for the seat to recline into?
8) Guys up the sharp end who don't let a breath of cool air into the cabin (through those eyeball vent thingies) until
the first heatstroke victims are passing the point of no return.
9) Indian Airlines. Everything about their entire operation.
10) Knackered old aircraft, where bits fall off on takeoff, oil wells up from the general area of the jets, and dribbles along during the entire flight, while ice builds up all over the place, with periodic shedding of small icebergs. And when the flaps go down or the airbrakes go up, they reveal that everything underneath is covered in primordinal grime. Eek! One British airline of my experience, one Irish. No names mentioned so I don't get done for slander. But one is a flag-carrier, and the other isn't Aer Lingus.
I don't understand why everyone stands up the minute the wheels hit terra firma. If you are the last person off the plane, you will reach the baggage carousel just as the first bag arrives. I have confirmed this Aviation Law by numerous experiences.
justapax
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"I don't understand why everyone stands up the minute the wheels hit terra firma. If you are the last person off the plane, you will reach the baggage carousel just as the first bag arrives. I have confirmed this Aviation Law by numerous experiences."
Yes, but all the trolleys will have been taken by then
[This message has been edited by MAX REVERSE (edited 24 April 2000).]
Yes, but all the trolleys will have been taken by then
[This message has been edited by MAX REVERSE (edited 24 April 2000).]
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See point 8 in original posting:
Rest assured, those of us in the small office at the pointy end are usually sweating too. Many aircraft are not able to condition the cabin air effectively until both engines are running, and most cannot provide any air-flow to the conditioning packs during the engine starting sequence, as it is all used for accelerating the engine core.
This criticism should be addressed to the aircraft manufacturers who produce poorly thought-out products, the handling companies at airports who do not keep a sufficient number of ground air conditioning carts available, the airlines who buy the aircraft and don't insist on the carts being supplied, and the passengers who are producing the heat in the first place (this last is a small funny, OK?).
Please don't blame the driver - he's often doing all he can.....
Rest assured, those of us in the small office at the pointy end are usually sweating too. Many aircraft are not able to condition the cabin air effectively until both engines are running, and most cannot provide any air-flow to the conditioning packs during the engine starting sequence, as it is all used for accelerating the engine core.
This criticism should be addressed to the aircraft manufacturers who produce poorly thought-out products, the handling companies at airports who do not keep a sufficient number of ground air conditioning carts available, the airlines who buy the aircraft and don't insist on the carts being supplied, and the passengers who are producing the heat in the first place (this last is a small funny, OK?).
Please don't blame the driver - he's often doing all he can.....
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The driver's at the "pointy" end? Am I on the wrong site? Last time I looked it was the type of ships that sail on the water that were sharp at the front and the "flying boat" was sort of rounded at the front and more pointy at the back end!
If I'm not on the wrong site, then all the planes I have been flying in recently must have been reversing all the way there
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Flight Sims, very expensive toys - but real fun to play with!
If I'm not on the wrong site, then all the planes I have been flying in recently must have been reversing all the way there
------------------
Flight Sims, very expensive toys - but real fun to play with!
Guest
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Sharp end?
Of *course* we were talking about Concorde, weren't we jok?
As the Passenger's Departure Lounge is next to Jet Blast on the list, I'd have thought my list of choice and selected whinges would have brought some response, and that others would have added their own lists, and possibly brought some of that unique JB sense of humour with them too... And I'm amazed that no-one has borrowed the nickname PoshSpice and complained about people losing her luggage... But I suppose anything that any of the Slappers does is either a Rumour, or News.
Incredible. The only event in aviation which involves passengers which isn't crowded, and where no-one is complaining. Am I in the wrong departure lounge again?
Of *course* we were talking about Concorde, weren't we jok?
As the Passenger's Departure Lounge is next to Jet Blast on the list, I'd have thought my list of choice and selected whinges would have brought some response, and that others would have added their own lists, and possibly brought some of that unique JB sense of humour with them too... And I'm amazed that no-one has borrowed the nickname PoshSpice and complained about people losing her luggage...
But I suppose anything that any of the Slappers does is either a Rumour, or News.Incredible. The only event in aviation which involves passengers which isn't crowded, and where no-one is complaining. Am I in the wrong departure lounge again?
