Things I always wanted to know as a passenger
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Thanks for that.
I suppose that would account for them being painted bright orange, so that they can easily been identified in an emergency situation.
I suppose that would account for them being painted bright orange, so that they can easily been identified in an emergency situation.
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This is your captain speaking and I have some advice for you.
The one that catches everyone out is how does the aircraft still go forward when the wheels are retracted, thats got you hasnt it.
By the way for ditching, history shows that aircraft float better than passengers so always grab a passing wing in preference to a passenger.
Never worry about hypothermia after ditching, sharks often eat cold meals.
Never inflate your life jacket inside the aircraft so dont forget to take the instructions with you.
Notice the light on your life jacket, no one else will!
You will also notice a whistle on your life jacket, you may think this to be useless but submarines can pick up the slightest noise a long way off, sadly so do Sharks
Transatlantic flights carry life rafts and crews practice with them in the local swimming baths, honestly the only difference is the ocean is cleaner.
To be safe always sit in the emergency row, this means you will get out first unless you are carrying a rugby team or Jo Brand, then you will be trampled to death.
In the event of an evacuation do not forget to take off your high heel shoes because you will puncture the slide and the people behind you will be very pissed off because the slide now not only looks like a giant used Durex, it behaves like one too.
After a major accident you will be interviewed by the press. Make sure you say that the the pilot was wrestling with the controls to avoid a school and village because the press love this, adding that you are having an affair with the captain could lead to a series on Channel Four.
Remember that the captain always leaves the aircraft last of all in an emergency, if you should see me pushing past you shouting, "I told you they should have changed that engine" you are to immeadiately assume the role of captain.
Cabin Crew do not like be referred to as waitress, babe, shagger or mate even on services into Newcastle, so remember you should really be saying, "excuse me safety attendant do you think you could lift this xxxxing wing spar of my legs please," substitute, 'pissed passenger' at your discretion on Spanish flights.
When you check in you will always be asked 'did you pack you own bag.'?
Its not a good time to admit that your mother had to iron all your shirts, put your name in your coat and pack you case.
If you arrive late you wont get on the flight and you will be really pissed off and might feel like behaving like a complete ******, just before you do just check your not flying Easy Jet because you may be on TV too.
If you are British and do not have a valid passport with you you will not be able to travel, if however you are from any other country dont worry and in addition by the time you return you will probably have qualified for a flat and job seekers allowance.
Your probably wondering what airline I work for well all I am going to tell you is that our aircraft are so old I flew one the other day with;
'Dick Turpin is innocent' on the nose.
Good night and remember aircraft are only dangerous when pilots get into them
The one that catches everyone out is how does the aircraft still go forward when the wheels are retracted, thats got you hasnt it.
By the way for ditching, history shows that aircraft float better than passengers so always grab a passing wing in preference to a passenger.
Never worry about hypothermia after ditching, sharks often eat cold meals.
Never inflate your life jacket inside the aircraft so dont forget to take the instructions with you.
Notice the light on your life jacket, no one else will!
You will also notice a whistle on your life jacket, you may think this to be useless but submarines can pick up the slightest noise a long way off, sadly so do Sharks
Transatlantic flights carry life rafts and crews practice with them in the local swimming baths, honestly the only difference is the ocean is cleaner.
To be safe always sit in the emergency row, this means you will get out first unless you are carrying a rugby team or Jo Brand, then you will be trampled to death.
In the event of an evacuation do not forget to take off your high heel shoes because you will puncture the slide and the people behind you will be very pissed off because the slide now not only looks like a giant used Durex, it behaves like one too.
After a major accident you will be interviewed by the press. Make sure you say that the the pilot was wrestling with the controls to avoid a school and village because the press love this, adding that you are having an affair with the captain could lead to a series on Channel Four.
Remember that the captain always leaves the aircraft last of all in an emergency, if you should see me pushing past you shouting, "I told you they should have changed that engine" you are to immeadiately assume the role of captain.
Cabin Crew do not like be referred to as waitress, babe, shagger or mate even on services into Newcastle, so remember you should really be saying, "excuse me safety attendant do you think you could lift this xxxxing wing spar of my legs please," substitute, 'pissed passenger' at your discretion on Spanish flights.
When you check in you will always be asked 'did you pack you own bag.'?
Its not a good time to admit that your mother had to iron all your shirts, put your name in your coat and pack you case.
If you arrive late you wont get on the flight and you will be really pissed off and might feel like behaving like a complete ******, just before you do just check your not flying Easy Jet because you may be on TV too.
If you are British and do not have a valid passport with you you will not be able to travel, if however you are from any other country dont worry and in addition by the time you return you will probably have qualified for a flat and job seekers allowance.
Your probably wondering what airline I work for well all I am going to tell you is that our aircraft are so old I flew one the other day with;
'Dick Turpin is innocent' on the nose.
Good night and remember aircraft are only dangerous when pilots get into them
Fly Conventional Gear
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Never inflate your life jacket inside the aircraft so dont forget to take the instructions with you.
The results were predictable, when the plane hit the water it filled so quickly passengers had to dive under water in order to get to the exits. Those who had not inflated their life jackets could hold their breath and dive for it. Those who had inflated their life jackets floated to the top of the cabin and were trapped against the ceiling.
Listen to the safety briefing, it might one day save your life.
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As with everything follow the rules and procedure and you will not go far wrong--just before your next trip to the airport just stop and ask yourself when was the last time you read the Highway Code?
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What is happening when the plane seems to fall out of the sky for a few seconds, then theres a roar of the engines?
I will never know while its happening as im too busy having a heart attack !!
I will never know while its happening as im too busy having a heart attack !!
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What is happening when the plane seems to fall out of the sky for a few seconds, then theres a roar of the engines?
I will never know while its happening as im too busy having a heart attack !!
I will never know while its happening as im too busy having a heart attack !!
In the trade we call that bit 'LANDING'. Dont worry about that bit, its the bit after that that causes the problems. If you notice the floor bow a little or the overhead bins come down thats the time to have your heart attack
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"I do accept that whatever the PIC says goes - so no worries - but am curious as to WHY someone would not allow the use of a handheld GPS receiver in the back. It is a after all a RECEIVER - or does it actually transmit anything that could interfere with instrumentation?"
In theory: All radio receivers also emit a signal from the local oscillator. The better/more expensive ones emit less of it. The GPS signal is especially weak and sensitive so it is possible to be interfered with. I have noticed that running several GPS receivers in close proximity to each other causes reduced signal quality and sometimes loss of signal on some of them.
In practice: The aircraft equipment is much too far away from your receiver for this to be a problem. It also has nice big antennae and high quality amplifiers. And, the pilot doesn't know about this. Almost all pilots wouldn't mind you using a portable GPS so in reality this is probably just CC being jobsworths.
In theory: All radio receivers also emit a signal from the local oscillator. The better/more expensive ones emit less of it. The GPS signal is especially weak and sensitive so it is possible to be interfered with. I have noticed that running several GPS receivers in close proximity to each other causes reduced signal quality and sometimes loss of signal on some of them.
In practice: The aircraft equipment is much too far away from your receiver for this to be a problem. It also has nice big antennae and high quality amplifiers. And, the pilot doesn't know about this. Almost all pilots wouldn't mind you using a portable GPS so in reality this is probably just CC being jobsworths.
Paxing All Over The World
Hallam
Start with this current thread: http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=303721
It contains all the key components of the argument that has been told here a dozen, dozen times. May I suggest that you pay particular interest in the posts of radeng aka Radio Engineer. If he says that he does not wish to be on an aeroplane that is conducting unplanned and random experiments with radio devices - then nor do I!!!
but am curious as to WHY someone would not allow the use of a hand held GPS receiver in the back.
It contains all the key components of the argument that has been told here a dozen, dozen times. May I suggest that you pay particular interest in the posts of radeng aka Radio Engineer. If he says that he does not wish to be on an aeroplane that is conducting unplanned and random experiments with radio devices - then nor do I!!!
Cunning Artificer
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airbus- you are incorrect. The B737 has a manual selection of arming and disarming the doors. You open an armed 737 door from the inside or the outside and you will get a surprise!
Despite the "Doors to Manual and Cross check" (or "Disarm Slides and Cross Check") procedures we frequently experience accidental door slide deployment by both cabin and flight deck crew, yet the safest way to handle doors is for them to never be opened from inside the aircraft unless they are armed and it is a proper emergency evacuation.
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Blacksheep
To date, I've operated as Cabin Crew on B737-200/300/400/500 & 800 types and flown as passenger on -700's: None of them had (or have) anything more sophisticated than a manual Girt Bar mechanism for arm/disarm, with no mechanical linkage. For the reasons that you state above, a red warning strap is often placed over the door viewport after arming. I have never heard of a B737 with such a door mechanism that enables automatic disarming of the manually operated Girt Bar.
I note that you're a volume contributor to PPRuNe, so with great respect...
Do you think it possible that your memory on this one has been affected by a surfeit of Xmas cheer? Has Santa provided too much Succour?
To date, I've operated as Cabin Crew on B737-200/300/400/500 & 800 types and flown as passenger on -700's: None of them had (or have) anything more sophisticated than a manual Girt Bar mechanism for arm/disarm, with no mechanical linkage. For the reasons that you state above, a red warning strap is often placed over the door viewport after arming. I have never heard of a B737 with such a door mechanism that enables automatic disarming of the manually operated Girt Bar.
I note that you're a volume contributor to PPRuNe, so with great respect...
Do you think it possible that your memory on this one has been affected by a surfeit of Xmas cheer? Has Santa provided too much Succour?
Yes that's a pun but it's after Christmas so I am excused.
Because of the earth's rotation winds tend to flow from the west. This is caused by a combination of the atmosphere "slipping" relative to the rotating earth mass, and also the heating effects of the sun when it is exposed to the earth surface compared to nighttime when it is not. In addition to the westerlies, air tends to flow from the Equator to the poles as well.
Because of this (and forget any local weather systems passing through, up at jet altitudes you are above those) there is a constant westerly wind, so aircraft heading west are fighting a headwind while those coming east are gaining a benefit. Exactly the same used to happen in the days of sailing ships crossing the Atlantic.
Winds up at altitude are much greater than down where we live on the surface. To prove this just climb up to the top of a mountain peak. Rule of thumb is whatever the wind is at ground level it is double that 1,000 feet up. This is due to surface drag, which slows the wind nearest the surface down.
Because the winds are variable and change from hour to hour, there is much to be gained by predicting what the relative wind is on each side of your intended course, as it may be that you can gain by taking a different route. For example when going to the Caribbean you may notice that sometimes you route out direct over Lands End and Bermuda, whereas other times you are far to the north, and may indeed sometimes pass over Newfoundland, which is actually giving a shorter time that day, while those coming the opposite way are trying to get into the fast winds, especially the very strong but surprisingly narrow band called the Jetstream.
All other things being equal westbounds normally find it better to be further north than eastbounds. This is true crossing both the Atlantic and the Pacific - Hong Kong to New York for example routes across the Pacific and Canada coming east but often gets up over the North Pole going west. Major airlines have a whole department in Flight Operations who plan all this each day; if you have a meteorology degree from University they will be pleased to see you.
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Correct, but in a longwinded way
Atmospheric circulation is primarily the result of oceanic circulation - take the example of the El Nino variation in Pacific Ocean circulation and the effect that this can have on global weather patterns.
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Liferafts?
Back up the thread a question was asked about carrying life rafts.
For many of the larger aircraft types the slides detach (can be detached ) and float to become life rafts - uncovered and hence not great for exposure protection but able to get PAX out of the water / provide buoyancy.
There are also slide/raft variants (not sure what the criteria for needing them is or whether its a cost option) which usually have canopies, survival packs, paddles etc. like a conventional life raft.
Checking what I thought I knew turned up : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evacuat...Types_of_slide
For many of the larger aircraft types the slides detach (can be detached ) and float to become life rafts - uncovered and hence not great for exposure protection but able to get PAX out of the water / provide buoyancy.
There are also slide/raft variants (not sure what the criteria for needing them is or whether its a cost option) which usually have canopies, survival packs, paddles etc. like a conventional life raft.
Checking what I thought I knew turned up : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evacuat...Types_of_slide
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Q: "The Butler did it."
What happens at check in if when asked, "Did you pack your bag yourself."
I answer, "No, the butler packed it."
It always bothers me to lie and say I packed myself
I answer, "No, the butler packed it."
It always bothers me to lie and say I packed myself
Eight Gun Fighter
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" What happens at check in if when asked, "Did you pack your bag yourself."
I answer, "No, the butler packed it."
The check-in clerk sighs, rolls his/her eyes and proceeds to open your luggage and inspect every article in it.
What happens at check-in if when asked, "Was the baggage out of your possesion at any time and you answer - well it was in the hold of a bus for a couple of hours". See above.
I answer, "No, the butler packed it."
The check-in clerk sighs, rolls his/her eyes and proceeds to open your luggage and inspect every article in it.
What happens at check-in if when asked, "Was the baggage out of your possesion at any time and you answer - well it was in the hold of a bus for a couple of hours". See above.