Everyone needs a laff--try this.
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Everyone needs a laff--try this.
Today Southampton Flybe to Alicante 10.30
Delayed because other delayed flights kept nicking our gate and departure lounge.
Boarding started at 10.35. Bit of a long process because they had to use an hydraulic lift to get e very fat woman on board and get her settled into her seats.
Pushed back at 11.05. At 11.10 Pilot says " bit of bother with the tow tug. Seems to be stuck to the plane" Numerous people arrive and at 11.20 pilot says" we have to get back to the gate to see if we can get the tow bar off over there"
At 11.30 pulled back to stand. At 11.35 pilot says "Will 18 or 20 people from the front rows of the aircraft please walk right to the very tail end of the aircraft" Some people laughed. The cabin crew chief looked really gobsmacked and incredulous.
Any way 20 of us got up and squeezed into the tail end. At 11.40 pilot says "thanks thats done the trick--the tow bar is off " At 11.45 he drove it out on full lock with a fair bit of yellow baton waving and we finally get off the tarmac at 11.53. Of course being a BAe 146 it couldn't make up much time so we got in at 15.15 instead of 14.00.
I know the fat woman was gross but she was not that heavy on average per seat
I'll wait now to see which candid camera show we appear on.
Delayed because other delayed flights kept nicking our gate and departure lounge.
Boarding started at 10.35. Bit of a long process because they had to use an hydraulic lift to get e very fat woman on board and get her settled into her seats.
Pushed back at 11.05. At 11.10 Pilot says " bit of bother with the tow tug. Seems to be stuck to the plane" Numerous people arrive and at 11.20 pilot says" we have to get back to the gate to see if we can get the tow bar off over there"
At 11.30 pulled back to stand. At 11.35 pilot says "Will 18 or 20 people from the front rows of the aircraft please walk right to the very tail end of the aircraft" Some people laughed. The cabin crew chief looked really gobsmacked and incredulous.
Any way 20 of us got up and squeezed into the tail end. At 11.40 pilot says "thanks thats done the trick--the tow bar is off " At 11.45 he drove it out on full lock with a fair bit of yellow baton waving and we finally get off the tarmac at 11.53. Of course being a BAe 146 it couldn't make up much time so we got in at 15.15 instead of 14.00.
I know the fat woman was gross but she was not that heavy on average per seat
I'll wait now to see which candid camera show we appear on.
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First question through my mind - where did they put this heavyweight? For CofGs sake, I hope close to the wings. But if she had a first class ticket and they put her upfront...
Join Date: Jan 2001
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Shouldn't really matter where she sat as she wouldn't have been checked in using her actual weight. She would have an assumed notional weight of 70kgs for a female (88kgs for a male and 35kgs for a child of your interested or 80kgs for an adult if the m and f are not seperate). There is no "fatty fudge" adjustment made for those quite partial to a bargin bucket for one and the odd cake or 10 just as there is no "skinny waif" adjustment for those partial to a lettuce leaf and a sprinkling of dust.
It is only on really small puddle hoppers/bug smashers that the SLF needs to be weighed too.
It is only on really small puddle hoppers/bug smashers that the SLF needs to be weighed too.
Quote "First question through my mind - where did they put this heavyweight?"
There's only one place; the seat(s) that are the furthest way from any emergency exit.
Grossly fat people have rights, but they do not included blocking the way to or through an emeregency exit, any more than very fat people have a right to overflow into the space allocated to adjoining seats. They must be at the back of the queue to leave.
Neither have I any desire to be tied to the same seat row as a grossly overweight person, if and when subjected to the maximum forces the seat mountings are designed for with a normal load, as in a survivable ground impact (Kegsworth, for example) or a ditching.
If that offends grossly fat people, tough. Don't fly, unless you are prepared to accept the limitations of your self-imposed condition. And, please, spare me the delusional rubbish about how you can't help it. The only source of fat is what you put down your throat.
I never accept a seat next to a grossly fat person. I don't shout the odds, just make a polite, very firm request out of the fatty's earshot. It works, but if it didn't I would disembark and sue under contract, tort and human rights.
There's only one place; the seat(s) that are the furthest way from any emergency exit.
Grossly fat people have rights, but they do not included blocking the way to or through an emeregency exit, any more than very fat people have a right to overflow into the space allocated to adjoining seats. They must be at the back of the queue to leave.
Neither have I any desire to be tied to the same seat row as a grossly overweight person, if and when subjected to the maximum forces the seat mountings are designed for with a normal load, as in a survivable ground impact (Kegsworth, for example) or a ditching.
If that offends grossly fat people, tough. Don't fly, unless you are prepared to accept the limitations of your self-imposed condition. And, please, spare me the delusional rubbish about how you can't help it. The only source of fat is what you put down your throat.
I never accept a seat next to a grossly fat person. I don't shout the odds, just make a polite, very firm request out of the fatty's earshot. It works, but if it didn't I would disembark and sue under contract, tort and human rights.
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Leezyjet, I was half kidding. I know passengers are not individually weighted and as long as the averages are well chosen and no serious "anomalies" turn up, this works out well. (Although I did hear about a study done in the US that suggests that the averages that are used there are way too low...) (And this woman was hoisted up to the aircraft using a hydraulic lift. Perhaps she would have been weighted, as she would be counted as freight instead of passenger? - Don't these hydraulic lifts have scales built-in?)
But the problem is when you get a very heavy person on board, put it completely up front and still, for load calculations, assume that she is only 70 kgs, you might just be surprised when predicted performance (in this case nosegear compression, probably) don't come true.
As I said, I was only half kidding. In an airliner one fat person alone would most likely not be heavy enough to cause problems with the nose gear. Particularly since it took 20 people from the front seats walking all the way to the back to solve the problem. But it does remain a funny coincidence. But if this were to happen in a GA aircraft or bizjet, one heavy person can (and does) make a difference.
But the problem is when you get a very heavy person on board, put it completely up front and still, for load calculations, assume that she is only 70 kgs, you might just be surprised when predicted performance (in this case nosegear compression, probably) don't come true.
As I said, I was only half kidding. In an airliner one fat person alone would most likely not be heavy enough to cause problems with the nose gear. Particularly since it took 20 people from the front seats walking all the way to the back to solve the problem. But it does remain a funny coincidence. But if this were to happen in a GA aircraft or bizjet, one heavy person can (and does) make a difference.
