I can't believe we've made it this far!

I give it till 1200Z...

translation for the aussies "eye geeev eeet teeel tweeelve zewlew maayt"

Now where was that article about Neanderthal man speaking how modern day Kiwis do - wuth a lusp :}

BBBBBbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach as Bbbbbbbbbbbbroooooooooooo

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.

All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,' he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.


He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.

Q What is the difference in the price of lamb in Australia and New Zealand










:D

A In Australia it’s around $20-$30 a kilo

In New Zud it’s around $20-$30 an hour

No shame in paying for it by the hour...after all we export our best lamb to aussie after its been tenderised and marinated by the best and you get the priviledge of paying for it by the kilo.

Q : How does a New Zealander find a Sheep in the Grass??

A : Quite Pleasant.



One Kiwi says to another " Hey Bro, Whats a Hindu" the second kiwi replies " Lays Eggs Bro"

:ok:

talking about muttun troppo?

Q: What do you call a Kiwi wearing a suit and tie?

A: The defendant (or dufundant...).:suspect:

There's a Kiwi rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train.
The train enters a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Kiwi is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The Kiwi is thinking, "That Australian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."
The lady was thinking, "That Kiwi must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Australian instead and got slapped."
The Australian was thinking to himself.... "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that ****ing Kiwi in the head again."

Bro walkin down the street with one flip flop/thong/jandal. See's his neighbour who says 'you lose a jandal bro?' Bro 1 says nah I found one aye.

Fijian goes to the cross and tells the girl he wants to do it fijian style. At the end she asks what fijian style is and he says 'can I pay you later?'
.

Three 'South Aucklanders' are in a holden. Who's driving?








The police :yuk:

NZ ATC to inbound Qantas 744, "What is your height and position?"

5 foot 9 and sitting at the front of the plane came the reply......

Funny, the last time I heard that the Kiwis and the Aussies occupied opposite roles in the story...

Here's a good one I heard a while ago:

A Kiwi and an Aussie are in a farm paddock. They come across a sheep caught in the fence. The Kiwi pushes the Aussie aside, saying "I've got first short at this one bro", and has his way with the sheep. After he's done, the Kiwi turns around and says to the Aussie "ok, your turn now bro". The Aussie looks confused for a moment, then pulls his pants down and bends over in front of the Kiwi.

TT

Awww, youse guys are making me proud... funny though how all the jokes are turning up with the countries of origin reversed.

Anyway...

What is the difference between an Aussie and a flounder?











One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other one is a fish... :E

Crikey, Lotsa good laughs in this thread!

How do you know if youv'e been burgled by an Auzzie??

Easy, your thongs are missing, and the cats been raped.

:E:E:E

Unzed Judge to prostitute, when did you determine you had been raped ?/

Prostitute, when the cheque bounced your honour !

What's the one about that aussie airline that the kiwis are blamed for?

Another thing NZ kiwi's cant run airlines that are bigger than them.... Ansett

10 Reasons to live in Auckland ....

1. Satan worshipping residents of Auckland are spared unnecessary anguish and discomfort when they die because the transition to hell is hardly noticeable.
2. Auckland has fewer syllables than Wellington so that Aucklanders can spell it.
3. People who can't get in to Wellington have to have somewhere to live.
4. Economies of scale dictate that it is economically optimal for all pretentious posers with annoying inflections and stupid haircuts to be in the same place.
5. Auckland has such a wide variety of social, economic and cultural groupings that you can blend in no matter what kind of misfit you are.
6. Aucklanders do lots of quaint self affirming things like calling their league team the "Warriors" and giving their otherwise staid lives a hint of danger by referring to Mt Eden, Mt Wellington, and Rangitoto as "volcanoes" even though they have been extinct for 3 million years.
7. Auckland is vital to New Zealand's defence against alien invasion. Invading space monsters will go straight to our largest urban centre thinking it is actually important in some way.
8. People form Kaitaia need somewhere to go for petrol on their way to Wellington.
9. Aucklanders have recovered from their feelings of phallic inadequacy by erecting a 40 storey pole with a knob on top in the middle of the city.
10. Auckland fulfils an important role in Maori mythology. Maori legend has it that the North Island is the fish of Maui. Wellington is the head and mouth of Maui's fish, New Plymouth and Gisborne are its fins and Auckland is its arsehole.

The sheep are telling their side of the story....

YouTube - Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep

One for all you AC/DC fans lol:E