Airline employee to annoyed customer:

"No madam, the flight is not late. It has just been re-scheduled!"

;)

how bout:

Nobody watches perfect landings
Maps can only be refolded by the manufacturer
The aeroplane you want is always the one at the back of the hangar
Piston engines always run rougher over water at night
Anything with Piston engines needs another 60 horsepower
The only time you have too much fuel is when your on fire

Never take thine altitude in vain lest mother earth rises and smites thee

And one for the meatbombers
Blessed are those who delay too long....For theirs shall be an everlasting impression.

MeatHunter; One somewhat similar but with the same 'impact'. (Sorry 'bout the pun')
"Maintain thine airspeed lest the earth arise and smite thee"

You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.

Surprised no-one's put these in before:-

"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots."

"You run out of engines so quickly in single-engined aircraft."

"If it flies, f#@ks or floats, it's cheaper to hire it."

"Helicopters don't fly, they physically beat the air into submission."

"A student pilot begins with a bucket marked 'LUCK', which is full, and one marked 'EXPERIENCE', which is empty. The trick is to fill up the bucket marked 'EXPERIENCE' before the bucket marked 'LUCK' runs out."

"An accident is not a single mistake, but the sum total of a series of mistakes."

"Beware the pilot who is afraid of nothing; a healthy dose of fear from time to time reminds a pilot of his own mortality and may go a long way towards maximising his life-span."

"Every cloud has a silver lining - frequently made by Boeing!"

Continuing with the helicopter theme.

Helicopter = 2000 moving parts rotating around an oil leak!!

Cheers, HH.

:ok:

"Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the earth and miss"

"I didnt know whether to sh*t meself or wind me watch"

Picked up by tin from god knows where

:}

Darwin locals...
 

A couple from a particular character in Darwin Aviation...

Have you got time for a quick Bathurst?

What do you mean there is low-level cloud? Just climb through it?! (said to a low time VFR pilot)

What are you still doing here?

Just g...g...g...g...GO!

Load 'n go! Load 'n go!

Some lucky people may still have the stubby holder from the Wimray Beer Appreciation Club immortalising these sayings .

From the parachuting mob..... "Gravity is just a myth that the earth sucks"

We watched him spin,

We watched him burn,

For he held off bank in a gliding turn.






When a man grows old,

And his b*lls get cold,

And the end of his pr**k turns blue,

And the hole in the middle refuses to pi**le,

I say, he was " F**kED "
Wouldn't you.!


Last verse of Eskimo Nell.

To view in its complete form, go to, www.google.com, and type in, ESKIMO NELL, view the top one on the list, but read the warning, !!!!!!!!!

Cheers

robroy

You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart

"Lovers of air travel find it exhilarating to hang poised between the illusion of immortality and the fact of death."

I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . .

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.

No bird ever flew nonstop from New York to Tokyo, or raced 15 miles high at triple the speed of sound. But birds do something else. They do not conquer the air; they romance it." -- Peter Garrison

more relevent one

Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes, I\'m grateful Richard Reid is not known as the Underwear Bomber.

— Douglas Manuel, aerospace executive regards airport security.

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What\'s our vector, Victor?

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

— Gunter\'s Second Law of Air Travel

In response to how he checked the weather, "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: \'When color of card matches color of sky, FLY!\'"

— Gordon Baxter

Nothing said I had to crash.

— R.A. Bob Hoover, after hitting a telephone wire and losing two feet of wing in his P-51.

Ted: "We\'re gonna have to come in pretty low on this approach.
Elaine: "Is that difficult?
Ted: "Well sure it\'s difficult. It\'s part of every textbook approach. It\'s just something you have to do ... when you land.

In the Alaska bush I\'d rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?

When asked why he was referred to as \'Ace\':
Because during World War Two I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy.

— Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.

You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach CASA inspectors to walk on their hind legs.


If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?

I never liked riding in helicopters because there\'s a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part.

Buttons . . . check. Dials . . . check. Switches . . . check. Little colored lights . . . check.

I\'ve flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots?

Insurer: It was pilot error.
Pilot: It was design error.
Insurer: I disagree. The pilot is at fault for trusting the designer.

When asked by someone how much money flying takes:
Why, all of it!

Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy\'s promotion party.


Roger: Used when you\'re not sure what else to say.

Spoilers: CASA



Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of gate times
And held rigid by impossible air traffic controllers;
Upward I’ve climbed and joined the congested skies
Of fixes, missed approaches and done hundred things
My passenger did not care for – delays, turbulence, and held
In the holding pattern low on fuel. Waiting there,
I’ve chased the schedules, and flung
Myself against management and union rules.
Up, up the long ascent in seniority list.
I’ve topped and gone to the next aircraft
Hoping that I do not get furloughed.
And, while with worried mind I’ve trod
The difficult sanctity of regulation,
Waiting for the FAA inspector who is God.

— Brian Caver, in honor of Phillip Valente, Captain American Eagle Airlines.

I think there's more gas in the cockpit than in the tanks now.

-Said to a student of mine who'd obviously had a particularly heavy night and was letting 'em rip like a trooper.

(Transforming a C152 into a hot air balloon was not what I had in mind when I considered a career as a flight instructor)!






:yuk:

When asked by the other pilot of an identical aircraft why his was going faster, the reply was..
"the red line is there for a reason"

i was told this by a captain when i had only 200hrs..
"fly it like its stolen"
:E

"Minima's are for Private Pilots"

Heard in the RACNSW bar, circa 1990.:}

"Air force pilots flare to land and squat to pee."

from a Naval Aviator:ok: :ouch:

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok :D

Landing is all about volumetric efficiency,

Getting as much as the aeroplane down in the same spot at the same time as possible.

- A guy in a flying club bar 1998 -

Someone I knew was flying a Cessna 182 when a seagull
1) Missed the prop,
2) Came through the windshield,
3) Missed the pilot, who landed safely.

So that's a :O :( :O

I didn't hear what they said to the control tower, but it may not have been standard phraseology...

I didn't see the one:

"The prop is there to keep the pilot cool when flying. You don't believe me? Well when it stops, see how the pilot starts to sweat"

or

"Stick goes forward, the houses get bigger. The stick goes back, the houses get smaller. Keep the stick back and the houses get bigger again."

BRG