A Christmas cracker
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A Christmas cracker
A small effort, offered as a Christmas gift to all the guys and guyettes on Pprune - Merry Christmas to one and all. Ho Ho Ho. 
I was informed by my Uncle XXXX that a size 10 CASA 'enforcer', with a long white beard woke him at 5 am on the 25th of December, 2011 and threatened him with a chook shed explosion if his chimney was not cleaned out by 0830 ESDT. He then produced a letter stating in detail that my Uncle was in clear breech of policy 362436, which referred to miscellaneous material piled up by the chook shed, which would prevent, in the event of non compliance, the destruction of said chook shed and the confiscation of the chooks, although not necessarily in that order.
Uncle XXXX attempted, after the departure of the 'enforcer', to decipher the letter. The 'facts' seemed to contradict 'evidence', so a Solicitor was contacted. After a mad dash to the bank to provide the required cash prior to service, the legal eagle eventually arrived. He carefully placed the cash into his brief case, then solemnly, with great gravitas, read through the missive. He slowly stood up, picked up his bag and walked to door, as he opened it he looked back over his shoulder and said "Your stuffed mate, this is policy, not law; no one can help you".
I became personally involved at this point; Uncle XXXX need a small skinny junior pilot type who could be inserted into the dark, dirty chimney and find his way, unaided to the top without a fear of height. Well, up I went into that dark place, did the job, climbed down and got rid of the mess.
The 'enforcer' duly arrived, only smelling slightly of Gin and Christmas cake, inspected the chimney and declared himself partially satisfied. "Wuz up says Uncle XXXX"; "Well" says the big guy, "I can only see a dirty kid and the first two foot up the chimney here, so, (he whipped out a calculator), I'll do a quick estimate of how much soot you should have produced to meet the minimum compliance requirements".
Well, Uncle XXXX is fine now, but I'm in jail for the next while; apparently, it was my responsibility to inform Uncle XXXX that I was not qualified for unlit chimney stacks (Strict liability offence) for concealing the evidence of my misdoings (binned the soot), fraudulently stating that I had cleaned all the chimney, while failing to prove that I had actually removed the estimated amount (dropped some on the way to the bin), not wearing a high viz jacket in a work environment and concealing my ASIC (more soot).
Perhaps the AOCS can help, no; a polly then, no. Oh well, I can't afford a Barrister, so much for my career as a chimney sweep. Perhaps I will learn to fly. Pprune is the answer, soon as I get out of here, I'm logging on.
Merry Xmas.
K.
Uncle XXXX attempted, after the departure of the 'enforcer', to decipher the letter. The 'facts' seemed to contradict 'evidence', so a Solicitor was contacted. After a mad dash to the bank to provide the required cash prior to service, the legal eagle eventually arrived. He carefully placed the cash into his brief case, then solemnly, with great gravitas, read through the missive. He slowly stood up, picked up his bag and walked to door, as he opened it he looked back over his shoulder and said "Your stuffed mate, this is policy, not law; no one can help you".
I became personally involved at this point; Uncle XXXX need a small skinny junior pilot type who could be inserted into the dark, dirty chimney and find his way, unaided to the top without a fear of height. Well, up I went into that dark place, did the job, climbed down and got rid of the mess.
The 'enforcer' duly arrived, only smelling slightly of Gin and Christmas cake, inspected the chimney and declared himself partially satisfied. "Wuz up says Uncle XXXX"; "Well" says the big guy, "I can only see a dirty kid and the first two foot up the chimney here, so, (he whipped out a calculator), I'll do a quick estimate of how much soot you should have produced to meet the minimum compliance requirements".
Well, Uncle XXXX is fine now, but I'm in jail for the next while; apparently, it was my responsibility to inform Uncle XXXX that I was not qualified for unlit chimney stacks (Strict liability offence) for concealing the evidence of my misdoings (binned the soot), fraudulently stating that I had cleaned all the chimney, while failing to prove that I had actually removed the estimated amount (dropped some on the way to the bin), not wearing a high viz jacket in a work environment and concealing my ASIC (more soot).
Perhaps the AOCS can help, no; a polly then, no. Oh well, I can't afford a Barrister, so much for my career as a chimney sweep. Perhaps I will learn to fly. Pprune is the answer, soon as I get out of here, I'm logging on.
Merry Xmas.
K.
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Welcome
They are not a bad lot here on Pprune, as a rule. One of just about every flavour though; infinite variety, is said to be a gift from "above".
No, NO, much authority higher than that. (Bad Jabba, bad Gobbledock, naughty Frank).
There are some truly beautiful Persian poems which, in a line or two can express, a higher, truer meaning of life as we live it; now is not the time.
Oh hell. Eloquence escapes me, Christmas snags and Coopers beer, etc. Enjoy.
No, NO, much authority higher than that. (Bad Jabba, bad Gobbledock, naughty Frank).
There are some truly beautiful Persian poems which, in a line or two can express, a higher, truer meaning of life as we live it; now is not the time.
Oh hell. Eloquence escapes me, Christmas snags and Coopers beer, etc. Enjoy.
Last edited by Kharon; 21st Dec 2011 at 07:33. Reason: Coopers generated spelling. Heigh Ho.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Alabama, then Wyoming, then Idaho and now staying with Kharon on Styx houseboat
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Persia is a beautiful part of the world, steeped in tradition, beauty, culture and Kharon!!
Rather opposite to CASA!
Rather opposite to CASA!
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Looking forward to returning to Japan soon but in the meantime continuing the never ending search for a bad bottle of Red!
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I feel a bottle or two of good Aussie Red coming along over the next few days.
Maybe even a glass of a single malt too!
Merry Christmas to all fellow Ppruners.
Maybe even a glass of a single malt too!Merry Christmas to all fellow Ppruners.
