Those blasted moderators are at it again...!!
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Melbourne
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An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,' he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,' he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Here today, gone tommorrow
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Q What is the difference in the price of lamb in Australia and New Zealand
A In Australia it’s around $20-$30 a kilo
In New Zud it’s around $20-$30 an hour
A In Australia it’s around $20-$30 a kilo
In New Zud it’s around $20-$30 an hour
No shame in paying for it by the hour...after all we export our best lamb to aussie after its been tenderised and marinated by the best and you get the priviledge of paying for it by the kilo.
Q: What do you call a Kiwi wearing a suit and tie?
A: The defendant (or dufundant...).
There's a Kiwi rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train.
The train enters a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Kiwi is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The Kiwi is thinking, "That Australian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."
The lady was thinking, "That Kiwi must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Australian instead and got slapped."
The Australian was thinking to himself.... "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that ****ing Kiwi in the head again."
A: The defendant (or dufundant...).
There's a Kiwi rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train.
The train enters a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Kiwi is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.
The Kiwi is thinking, "That Australian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me."
The lady was thinking, "That Kiwi must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Australian instead and got slapped."
The Australian was thinking to himself.... "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that ****ing Kiwi in the head again."
Bro walkin down the street with one flip flop/thong/jandal. See's his neighbour who says 'you lose a jandal bro?' Bro 1 says nah I found one aye.
Fijian goes to the cross and tells the girl he wants to do it fijian style. At the end she asks what fijian style is and he says 'can I pay you later?'
.
Fijian goes to the cross and tells the girl he wants to do it fijian style. At the end she asks what fijian style is and he says 'can I pay you later?'
.
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Australia
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Three Kiwis and three Aussies are travelling by train to a rugby game.
Here's a good one I heard a while ago:
A Kiwi and an Aussie are in a farm paddock. They come across a sheep caught in the fence. The Kiwi pushes the Aussie aside, saying "I've got first short at this one bro", and has his way with the sheep. After he's done, the Kiwi turns around and says to the Aussie "ok, your turn now bro". The Aussie looks confused for a moment, then pulls his pants down and bends over in front of the Kiwi.
TT
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Awww, youse guys are making me proud... funny though how all the jokes are turning up with the countries of origin reversed.
Anyway...
What is the difference between an Aussie and a flounder?
One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other one is a fish...
Anyway...
What is the difference between an Aussie and a flounder?
One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other one is a fish...
10 Reasons to live in Auckland ....
1. Satan worshipping residents of Auckland are spared unnecessary anguish and discomfort when they die because the transition to hell is hardly noticeable.
2. Auckland has fewer syllables than Wellington so that Aucklanders can spell it.
3. People who can't get in to Wellington have to have somewhere to live.
4. Economies of scale dictate that it is economically optimal for all pretentious posers with annoying inflections and stupid haircuts to be in the same place.
5. Auckland has such a wide variety of social, economic and cultural groupings that you can blend in no matter what kind of misfit you are.
6. Aucklanders do lots of quaint self affirming things like calling their league team the "Warriors" and giving their otherwise staid lives a hint of danger by referring to Mt Eden, Mt Wellington, and Rangitoto as "volcanoes" even though they have been extinct for 3 million years.
7. Auckland is vital to New Zealand's defence against alien invasion. Invading space monsters will go straight to our largest urban centre thinking it is actually important in some way.
8. People form Kaitaia need somewhere to go for petrol on their way to Wellington.
9. Aucklanders have recovered from their feelings of phallic inadequacy by erecting a 40 storey pole with a knob on top in the middle of the city.
10. Auckland fulfils an important role in Maori mythology. Maori legend has it that the North Island is the fish of Maui. Wellington is the head and mouth of Maui's fish, New Plymouth and Gisborne are its fins and Auckland is its arsehole.
1. Satan worshipping residents of Auckland are spared unnecessary anguish and discomfort when they die because the transition to hell is hardly noticeable.
2. Auckland has fewer syllables than Wellington so that Aucklanders can spell it.
3. People who can't get in to Wellington have to have somewhere to live.
4. Economies of scale dictate that it is economically optimal for all pretentious posers with annoying inflections and stupid haircuts to be in the same place.
5. Auckland has such a wide variety of social, economic and cultural groupings that you can blend in no matter what kind of misfit you are.
6. Aucklanders do lots of quaint self affirming things like calling their league team the "Warriors" and giving their otherwise staid lives a hint of danger by referring to Mt Eden, Mt Wellington, and Rangitoto as "volcanoes" even though they have been extinct for 3 million years.
7. Auckland is vital to New Zealand's defence against alien invasion. Invading space monsters will go straight to our largest urban centre thinking it is actually important in some way.
8. People form Kaitaia need somewhere to go for petrol on their way to Wellington.
9. Aucklanders have recovered from their feelings of phallic inadequacy by erecting a 40 storey pole with a knob on top in the middle of the city.
10. Auckland fulfils an important role in Maori mythology. Maori legend has it that the North Island is the fish of Maui. Wellington is the head and mouth of Maui's fish, New Plymouth and Gisborne are its fins and Auckland is its arsehole.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oz
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The sheep are telling their side of the story....
YouTube - Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
One for all you AC/DC fans lol
YouTube - Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep
One for all you AC/DC fans lol
