Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell!
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Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell!
This has been published by Airline Transport World . . . I have put my order in for a copy.
Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell!
________________________________________
Perhaps it's the excitement of flying, maybe it's the overwhelming fear or just maybe it's the fact that you are cocooned in a metal tube with hundreds of other people?the fact is flying brings out the best and worst in us all. <>
Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell will take you on a humorous journey, where you will have a look at the lighter side of flying: your fellow passengers' quirkiness and their tendency to behave badly.
Most of the flying public fits into 10 major species, with a few specific sub species: Like Carry-on Greedicus who will be sitting in row 60 and dumps his bag in row 5's overhead storage space so he doesn't have to lug it all the way to the back of the plane. And there's Bladder Incredibilus who spends the whole flight making trips to the toilet, stumbling over your feet and interrupting your meal.
Through the photographs, we also look at the lighter side of flying through the years, and bring the more dramatic side of aviation to life in a whimsical way. If you love flying - or even if you hate it - you will find something amusing, ridiculous or bizarre to bring a smile to your face.
Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell!
________________________________________
Perhaps it's the excitement of flying, maybe it's the overwhelming fear or just maybe it's the fact that you are cocooned in a metal tube with hundreds of other people?the fact is flying brings out the best and worst in us all. <>
Passengers Who Make Your Flight Hell will take you on a humorous journey, where you will have a look at the lighter side of flying: your fellow passengers' quirkiness and their tendency to behave badly.
Most of the flying public fits into 10 major species, with a few specific sub species: Like Carry-on Greedicus who will be sitting in row 60 and dumps his bag in row 5's overhead storage space so he doesn't have to lug it all the way to the back of the plane. And there's Bladder Incredibilus who spends the whole flight making trips to the toilet, stumbling over your feet and interrupting your meal.
Through the photographs, we also look at the lighter side of flying through the years, and bring the more dramatic side of aviation to life in a whimsical way. If you love flying - or even if you hate it - you will find something amusing, ridiculous or bizarre to bring a smile to your face.
Last edited by Pedota; 28th Sep 2007 at 13:06.
book 2
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Hey Buster...They were going to put out a triology and call the 3rd installment.....
PILOTS WHO THINK THEY ARE GODS but cabin crew know the real truth....
but then they thought they would do one more and this time about ops..and call it.....
HOW TO RUIN EVERY CREW MEMBERS PRIVATE LIFE WITH ONE PHONE CALL....
PILOTS WHO THINK THEY ARE GODS but cabin crew know the real truth....
but then they thought they would do one more and this time about ops..and call it.....
HOW TO RUIN EVERY CREW MEMBERS PRIVATE LIFE WITH ONE PHONE CALL....
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Originally Posted by LowerLube
PILOTS WHO THINK THEY ARE GODS but cabin crew know the real truth....
Funniest post all year, by LowerEndLubed. To quote a mighty RIO (RIP), you crack me up, you really do!
You poor sap... Who writes your stuff???
Relax, Lubed, one day all pilots will acknowledge the plight of you poor hosties and pay some respect to you...
Meantime, good one in the above post. Hilarious stuff!!!
An open letter to the Moderators of Dunnunda
In the past the moderators have forced other threads that are significantly more Australian aviation related than this into other forums because they vaguely fit into another category (RAAF Mirages? NextG Phones?)
I'm surprised this one has lasted this long here. I'd suggest it's probably safer to go straight for the “Lock Thread” option now however.
I'm surprised this one has lasted this long here. I'd suggest it's probably safer to go straight for the “Lock Thread” option now however.
Last edited by Wing Root; 27th Sep 2007 at 22:20.
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Hey Scotty....Hows it going?
You really have to stop watching Top Gun...I believe it's still playing in Oxford Street in Sydney if you know what I mean......
To quote a mighty RIO (RIP), you crack me up, you really do!
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Not sure if these “oldies but goldies” made it into the book, but thought they might amuse anyway…..
- On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
- On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
- "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."
- As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
- After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as f*** everything has shifted."
- From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
- "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
- "Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."
- "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
- "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children... or other adults acting like children."
- Heard on Jetstar just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!"
- Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
- An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United”. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
- After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
- Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go hurtling through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."
- A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - ****! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine."
I don't want to be the best pilot in the world - Just the oldest
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I remember flying down the back of a Sringbok scairbus from Joburg to Perth a couple of years back. Two of the Seth Efrikan lads, obviously on their first trip on a big plane could not resist the availability of free unlimited booze. Result = one toilet cubicle sprayed from floor to ceiling with vomit. I really admired the FA who put on something resembling a third world chemical suit and waded in with an arm full of paper towels to try and clean it up.
I think one thing that really irks is when you get a screaming baby for the duration of the flight. Not the parents or poor kids fault. Just one of those things I guess. I usually find a few quick belts of the brothers Jim or Jack sends me off to oblivion for the remainder of the journey though
I think one thing that really irks is when you get a screaming baby for the duration of the flight. Not the parents or poor kids fault. Just one of those things I guess. I usually find a few quick belts of the brothers Jim or Jack sends me off to oblivion for the remainder of the journey though
Evertonian
I always wonder why people feel the need to "localise" the urban myth stories. Probably not you WC but...Qantas Airlines???...Indeed!
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Mia culpa
Buster et al
Sorry about the ‘blatant’ advertising line of “only $xx.xx” . . . it is a sign of my laziness in not deleting the offending text from the ATW daily email. I have just removed it – and please accept my apologies for not being more careful in posting.
Cheers
Pedota
Sorry about the ‘blatant’ advertising line of “only $xx.xx” . . . it is a sign of my laziness in not deleting the offending text from the ATW daily email. I have just removed it – and please accept my apologies for not being more careful in posting.
Cheers
Pedota
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Sorry Buster Hyman,
I did say they were "golden oldies". I do remember flying with "Qantas Airways" way back when...
Anyway, at the risk of being way off thread, I found this whilst looking for passenger anecdotes:
The REAL Instructions for Becoming a Pilot:
1.Every take-off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2.If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller. That is unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3.Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
4.The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
5.The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
6.A “good” landing is one from which you can walk away. A “great” landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
7.You know when you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
8.Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another aeroplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide in clouds.
9.Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you’ve made.
10.If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round, and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
11.In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles an hour, the ground has yet to lose.
12.It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
I did say they were "golden oldies". I do remember flying with "Qantas Airways" way back when...
Anyway, at the risk of being way off thread, I found this whilst looking for passenger anecdotes:
The REAL Instructions for Becoming a Pilot:
1.Every take-off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2.If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller. That is unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3.Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
4.The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
5.The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
6.A “good” landing is one from which you can walk away. A “great” landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
7.You know when you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
8.Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another aeroplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide in clouds.
9.Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you’ve made.
10.If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round, and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
11.In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles an hour, the ground has yet to lose.
12.It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
