Life at the Q
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Life at the Q
For those on the outside and us suffering fools on the inside, here is something that explains life at the rat...
SINGAIR and QANTAS decided to have a canoe race on the Sydney Harbour. Both
teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the
race.
On the big day, SINGAIR won by a km. QANTAS, very discouraged and depressed,
decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and
recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that SINGAIR had 8 people
rowing and 1 person steering, while the QANTAS team had 8 people steering
and 1 person rowing.
So QANTAS management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount
of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were
steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
To prevent another loss to SINGAIR, the rowing team's management structure
was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 steering
superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the person
rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing
Team Quality First Program with meetings, dinners and free pens for the
rower. There was a workshop about getting new paddles, canoes and other
capital equipment, plus a new logo, uniforms, and advertising campaigns.
The next year SINGAIR won by two kms.
Humiliated, QANTAS management finally decided that cost cutting was
necessary so they
laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe,
sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment,
then gave senior management bonuses for improved productivity.
SINGAIR and QANTAS decided to have a canoe race on the Sydney Harbour. Both
teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the
race.
On the big day, SINGAIR won by a km. QANTAS, very discouraged and depressed,
decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and
recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that SINGAIR had 8 people
rowing and 1 person steering, while the QANTAS team had 8 people steering
and 1 person rowing.
So QANTAS management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount
of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were
steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
To prevent another loss to SINGAIR, the rowing team's management structure
was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 steering
superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the person
rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing
Team Quality First Program with meetings, dinners and free pens for the
rower. There was a workshop about getting new paddles, canoes and other
capital equipment, plus a new logo, uniforms, and advertising campaigns.
The next year SINGAIR won by two kms.
Humiliated, QANTAS management finally decided that cost cutting was
necessary so they
laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe,
sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment,
then gave senior management bonuses for improved productivity.
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: London
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Dont you mean www.flygold.com.au
what happened to them..................
what happened to them..................
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Australia
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While were on the topic of management, here is a good joke that is very true.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Employee
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (****). We are trying to give employees more **** than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of **** on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the **** list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the **** you can handle.
Employees who don't take their **** will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (DEEP ****). Those who fail to take DEEP **** seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (EAT ****). Since our managers took **** before they were promoted, they don't have to do **** anymore, and are all full of **** already.
If you are full of ****, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (BULL ****). Those who are full of BULL **** will get the **** jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (DIP ****).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (HOT ****).
Thank you
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(BIG ****)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Employee
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (****). We are trying to give employees more **** than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of **** on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the **** list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the **** you can handle.
Employees who don't take their **** will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (DEEP ****). Those who fail to take DEEP **** seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (EAT ****). Since our managers took **** before they were promoted, they don't have to do **** anymore, and are all full of **** already.
If you are full of ****, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (BULL ****). Those who are full of BULL **** will get the **** jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (DIP ****).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (HOT ****).
Thank you
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(BIG ****)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Join Date: May 2002
Location: BNE
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The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
At QANTAS however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Change riders.
2. Buy a stronger whip.
3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses".
4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.
5. Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead
horse's performance.
6. Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse. (Can be as useful as a saddle
when it comes to protecting your arse!!)
7. Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed
8. Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's
performance.
9. Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is.
10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired".
11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses.
12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses.
13. Modify existing standards to include dead horses.
14. Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially
more to the bottom line than many other horses.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position (but the competition
for positions is fierce).
At QANTAS however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Change riders.
2. Buy a stronger whip.
3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses".
4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.
5. Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead
horse's performance.
6. Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse. (Can be as useful as a saddle
when it comes to protecting your arse!!)
7. Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed
8. Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's
performance.
9. Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is.
10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired".
11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses.
12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses.
13. Modify existing standards to include dead horses.
14. Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially
more to the bottom line than many other horses.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position (but the competition
for positions is fierce).
