McDonnell Douglas Warranty Registration Card
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McDonnell Douglas Warranty Registration Card
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take
it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a
read too ...).
__________________________________________________________
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all
that apply
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace
Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.
If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly)
and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no
grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in
the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of
the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message
revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert
Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt
around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you
and your pets.
If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take
it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a
read too ...).
__________________________________________________________
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all
that apply
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace
Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.
If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly)
and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no
grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in
the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of
the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message
revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert
Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt
around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you
and your pets.
If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg
whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Enroute from Dagobah to Tatooine...!
Posts: 791
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Thanks AusFlygal - that was the best PPRUNE laugh I have had in a long time 
Now, back to google to find a list of 'classified' organisations that might loan me some money to buy one....
Now, back to google to find a list of 'classified' organisations that might loan me some money to buy one....
If all warranty cards were that fun, I'd fill them out! 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Stuck in the middle...
Posts: 1,638
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Yep agree pretty funny except that:
- McDonnell Douglas hasn't had a website in years as it got taken over by Boeing;
F16 was General Dynamics, now Lockheed Martin;
F14 is Grumman;
F117 is Lockheed Martin
Lost a bit of interest at that point, sorry
yes I know, go & get a life, Taily...
- McDonnell Douglas hasn't had a website in years as it got taken over by Boeing;
F16 was General Dynamics, now Lockheed Martin;
F14 is Grumman;
F117 is Lockheed Martin
Lost a bit of interest at that point, sorry
yes I know, go & get a life, Taily...
