Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
k that was close....Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Enroute from Dagobah to Tatooine...!
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
One of my all time favourite quotes from Yoda's 'practical lessons in command decision making':
"Do or do not, there is no try!"
"Do or do not, there is no try!"
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
Some essentials for flying a plane 101..
When the cows get bigger in the window - pull up.
When all you see is blue or white - push forward.
If it gets very noisy - you're going too fast.
If it gets very quiet - start the motor again.
Landing is easy - find the big round ball under you and try not to hit it too hard.
Flying is easy (see rule above)
If passengers are screaming turn ADF on to an am rock station at full volume.
Aerobatics is easy - find the horizon, keep it away from the window for as long as possible - watch out for large cows.
When the cows get bigger in the window - pull up.
When all you see is blue or white - push forward.
If it gets very noisy - you're going too fast.
If it gets very quiet - start the motor again.
Landing is easy - find the big round ball under you and try not to hit it too hard.
Flying is easy (see rule above)
If passengers are screaming turn ADF on to an am rock station at full volume.
Aerobatics is easy - find the horizon, keep it away from the window for as long as possible - watch out for large cows.
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
An oldy but a goody 
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution logged by the mechanic.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: Transponder inoperative.
S: Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.
S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
S: Aircraft put on diet of 91 octane
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution logged by the mechanic.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!
P: Transponder inoperative.
S: Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.
S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
S: Aircraft put on diet of 91 octane
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
From the Ten Commandments for Safe Flying
- Ignoreth not thy checklists, for many are the switches, gauges and
other demons awaiting to take cruel vengeance upon thee. - Thou shalt not trespass into the thunderstorm lest the tempest
rend thy wings from thy chariot and cast thee naked into the firmament. - Put not thy trust in weather prophets, for when the truth is not in them
they shall not accompany thee among thy ancestors. - Oft thou shalt confirm thy airspeed on finals, lest the earth rise up and smite thee.
Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
Not necessarily a quote, but this is a good one!
A Lockheed C-130 Hercules was en route to a mission when a cocky pilot in
a F-16 fighter flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" He went into barrel
roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he
reached the speed of sound.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "That was impressive, but watch this."
The Hercules droned along for about 15 minutes then the pilot came back on
and said "What did you think about that?"
The fighter pilot asked, "What the hell did you do? I didn't see anything."
The Hercules pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back, poured a cup of coffee and visited the toilet. Try to beat that in that
tin can of yours!"
DF.
A Lockheed C-130 Hercules was en route to a mission when a cocky pilot in
a F-16 fighter flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" He went into barrel
roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he
reached the speed of sound.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "That was impressive, but watch this."
The Hercules droned along for about 15 minutes then the pilot came back on
and said "What did you think about that?"
The fighter pilot asked, "What the hell did you do? I didn't see anything."
The Hercules pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back, poured a cup of coffee and visited the toilet. Try to beat that in that
tin can of yours!"
DF.
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
( Carrier pilot quote "Flaring to land is like squatting to pee !)
First Officer: "You know, I never slept with my wife until I married her. How about you?"
Captain : "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"
First Officer: "You know, I never slept with my wife until I married her. How about you?"
Captain : "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"
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Re: Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.
For the controllers from the start of Pushing Tin:
"You can land a million planes safely, but you have one little mid air and you never hear the end of it!"
"You can land a million planes safely, but you have one little mid air and you never hear the end of it!"
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Desert Flower
Heard a similar story to your C130/F16 post.
Once upon a time......an F4 pilot was in formation with B52 over Vietnam.
The F4 Knucklehead perform a barrel roll from one of the bombers wingtip to the other. After which he said, "Bet you can't beat that!". The B52 skipper replied, "OK, try this!".
Several minutes of straight and level went by when the F4 crew said "Well, we're waiting". The B52 pilot smuggly replied, "We shut down 2 engines 10 minutes ago, TOP THAT".
Cheers MM
Heard a similar story to your C130/F16 post.
Once upon a time......an F4 pilot was in formation with B52 over Vietnam.
The F4 Knucklehead perform a barrel roll from one of the bombers wingtip to the other. After which he said, "Bet you can't beat that!". The B52 skipper replied, "OK, try this!".
Several minutes of straight and level went by when the F4 crew said "Well, we're waiting". The B52 pilot smuggly replied, "We shut down 2 engines 10 minutes ago, TOP THAT".
Cheers MM
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Aircraft vs. Women
Aircraft usually kill you quickly, women take their time.
Aircraft can be turned on with a flick of a switch
Aircraft dont get mad if you do a Touch and Go
Aircraft dont object to a preflight inspection
Aircraft come with a manual to explain their operation
Aircraft have strict weight and balance limitations
Aircraft dont come with In-Laws
Aircraft dont care about how many other aircraft youve flown before
Aircraft and Pilots both arrive at the same time
Aircraft dont get mad if you look at other aircraft
Aircraft dont mind if you buy aircraft magazines
Aircraft expect to be tied down
Aircraft dont comment on your piloting skills
However, they both have one thing in common; When either of them gets quiet, Its definatly not a good sign!!!
^One of my favourites from "Laughter on the Wing"
Aircraft can be turned on with a flick of a switch
Aircraft dont get mad if you do a Touch and Go
Aircraft dont object to a preflight inspection
Aircraft come with a manual to explain their operation
Aircraft have strict weight and balance limitations
Aircraft dont come with In-Laws
Aircraft dont care about how many other aircraft youve flown before
Aircraft and Pilots both arrive at the same time
Aircraft dont get mad if you look at other aircraft
Aircraft dont mind if you buy aircraft magazines
Aircraft expect to be tied down
Aircraft dont comment on your piloting skills
However, they both have one thing in common; When either of them gets quiet, Its definatly not a good sign!!!
^One of my favourites from "Laughter on the Wing"
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Two guys were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, as it got boring, the first guy looks at the second and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they also get bored with this, so they decide to land. The drunk pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land and notices an airstrip near by. He says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for the landing, but at the last minute, he swerves and pulls back up. "Crap!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?" But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.
Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "Alright, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it, we're just going to crash and hope we don't die." So they end up crashing and miraculously, neither is hurt.
When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway. "I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be a total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
The second guy looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they also get bored with this, so they decide to land. The drunk pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land and notices an airstrip near by. He says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for the landing, but at the last minute, he swerves and pulls back up. "Crap!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?" But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.
Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "Alright, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it, we're just going to crash and hope we don't die." So they end up crashing and miraculously, neither is hurt.
When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway. "I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be a total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
The second guy looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"
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Aviation Dictionary
Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.
Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.
Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.
Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.
IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.
Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer
Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.
Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.
Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.
Spoilers: Civil Aviation Safety Authority
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.
The thing is, helicopters are different from planes. An airplane by it's nature wants to fly, and if not interfered with too strongly by unusual events or by a deliberately incompetent pilot, it will fly. A helicopter does not want to fly. It is maintained in the air by a variety of forces and controls working in opposition to each other, and if there is any disturbance in this delicate balance the helicopter stops flying; immediately and disastrously. There is no such thing as a gliding helicopter.
This is why being a helicopter pilot is so different from being an airplane pilot, and why in generality, airplane pilots are open, clear-eyed, buoyant extroverts and helicopter pilots are brooding introspective anticipators of trouble. They know if something bad has not happened it is about to.
— Harry Reasoner, 1971.
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The Lighter Side
Don't know if it's true BUT:
Female student at Bankstown asked for an intersexual departure,
The tower came back with in a flash:
The Full Length Is Available.
Kickatinalong
Female student at Bankstown asked for an intersexual departure,
The tower came back with in a flash:
The Full Length Is Available.
Kickatinalong