“No, it’s mainly rubble … RUBBLE … Barney Rubble … got it Now?”

"No. I did not call the Stud Farm and I certainly do not wish to speak to the Duty Stallion. Please pass me on to your commanding officer."

Put me through to the Speaking Clock will you, I could do with speaking to someone whose numbers are accurate...

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....d9799a410.jpeg

Oi, Fred, you sure you got the right address for this 'ere telephone installation? It looks like it was bombed in the LAST war!

"Ang on....the Colonel said he couldn't go over the top wiv the rest of the lads cos he had important messages to pass to HQ. But the end of this telephone wire is just jammed into a crack in this wall.

"Yes, we're still managing to hold on here despite near constant Jerry attacks, ...but it's this damn gas that is testing the men, and these masks are all but useless. Tell cook to go easy on the baked beans from now on."

Hello, Ladbrokes? I understand you are running a book on the latest British assault casualties? You are? Excellent! I'd like to place 100 Guineas on 15000 by the end of the day please. Thank you.
(Hangs up)
Sarn't....get the lads up and moving forward please, there's a good man.

Hello, is that Lloyds bank? This is Major Hoskins, we have just captured an SS truck outside Bern and I am wondering, Is it possible to transfer a rather large consignment of white fivers from here to my account?

Hello Helmut - I'm going for... D3...

Hit... Damn you Tommy Atkins, zat was mein Kommandant's little tank!

Oh hello Sir, have you got the answer to three across yet? "Found in the bottom of a bird cage", four letters, last two are an I and a T... got me well and truly flummoxed...

Things seem to be slowing down, so I’ll call this one tonight. If I can make the phone work, anyway.

To be honest I'm not really interetsed in what you're selling, I just phoned up to claim my free carriage clock.

I don't care if your records do show that I haven't completed my online diversity training modules, I'm in the middle of trying to exterminate some Krauts and Wops here you stupid woman!

Issue 2!

Hello, hello is that Boeing, Do you have any spare doors in stock? yes that for 737 Long Bridge Drive, an air drop will do!

For Christ's sake Sargeant, tell the cooks no more baked beans in our meals!

It was a big day for Private Hoskins. After the examiners graded his performance and called in the results, he was cleared to perform the stuck-in-a-glass-box-mime without using any props

"Where's the bloody RFC, for God's sake, ...no, not the KFC!!!?"

Lots of great entries, as always, and I can only name a few. But I have to do that, so:

Runners up, in no particular order:

Buster, with "Yes, thank you...so it's one small Hawaiian, one small Capricciosa and a small Vegetarian with extra Ham please..."

622 with: Sorry Dear, bit busy at work here .....could you call the plumber yourself!

Traffic, with: "Ang on....the Colonel said he couldn't go over the top wiv the rest of the lads cos he had important messages to pass to HQ. But the end of this telephone wire is just jammed into a crack in this wall."

And the winner of the coveted CapComp trophy is Treadigraph, with:

Hello Helmut - I'm going for... D3...

Hit... Damn you Tommy Atkins, zat was mein Kommandant's little tank!

Congratulations to all! The trophy will be dispatched as soon as I can get this damn phone working . . .