You've never lived in Asia then?

He's probably done no more than a couple of hours sortie, neither.

Wrong on two counts.
 

I currently live in Asia.

I have also completed several sorties longer than two hours and flown as a passenger on numerous long haul flights.

I just like to manage things very carefully.

BV

I’m with you Bob. In 10 years of flying Albert I only used the Elsan once.....OK, so on that occasion the ‘once’ was all the way from Colombo to Muscat, which kind of indicates the direness of the emergency!
Since leaving Her Majesty’s employment, and now flying considerably more luxurious chariots, I have only used ‘first class’ once - again in similar circumstances out of Mexico!

Going back to the original story, it must be a XXIV Sqn thing - I remember when a Springer Spaniel left a similar greeting in the new OC24s office....I presume the alleged guilty canine is long departed but maybe the owner is still around and was the guilty party all along! (I can’t remember which of 2 Springer owners on the Sqn it was!)

Spike Milligan recalls making a paper boat (maybe filling it with fuel?), lighting it, then floating it down the toilet gutter.
He was gratified to see the occupants exiting rapidly in sequence!

lsh
:E

lsh, you sure that was Spike? I think it was Billy Connolly's Glaswegian shipyard mates...

Wasn't there a recording of an F14 crew, with the WSO being caught short with the green apple quicksteps?

A story told by a CC. A 747 at an Indian airport. The procedure for the honey cart is attach hose and operate valve. It was not done in the correct order. The 747 had to be moved to board pax.

Isn't it long overdue for the thread to be moved over to ARRSE? ;)


(I know, I know - hat, coat, door...)

Definitely in one of the Spike war books, but he did not hold the patent!

lsh
:E

One VC10 that had a rear toilet door that used to pop open and rippling of the skins on the aft underside had a redline entered in the 700 stating that during take off and landing the rear xyz rows of seats the pax must hook their feet under the seat in front and only blind people were allowed to occupy XYZ rows of rear seats.... It actually did several flights before a crew actually read the Redlines!

It has been mentioned in another thread, but a tall pilot as No.4 in a 4-ship of Mirages flying Darwin to Mt Isa on a long ferry, was caught short. But he managed to undo and wriggle out of the ejection seat harness, the parachute harness, his Mae West, unzip the flying suit and wriggle it down - oops, have to undo and drop the g-suit first - next the jocks, then do the business into a white leather flying glove, tie it off, and reverse the process. On looking up, his team-mates were nowhere in sight - he had passed a slight turning point and continued in a straight line.

Frantic radar search, full A/B to catch up, nobody noticed except the fuel man who wondered why #4 took so much more.

UK Gov't chartered BOAC Britannias to take Caribbean immigrants to Britain in the '50's. The 312 had a small cubicle at the front rigged as a Gents Toilet, i.e. urinal only. Steward came on to the Flt. Deck one night and whispered in the Flt. Eng's ear, who promptly laughed and started writing in his Tech. Log, then showed me ...." Urinal used as Arsenal, please clean." The maintenance engineers at the next stop cleaned as requested, then wrote " Rectumfied"

" well known ground handling company " and one of their handlers. Said handler, apart from knowing every defect and how to rectify it possible on an aircraft had a "distinctly low opinion " of engineers which he freely offered. One fine day, having given the handle a cursory tug, cometh the complaint it wasn't working, usual comments about engineers / ability followed. We proceed to the aircraft where my mate thoughtfully suggests he disconnects the cart hose, then look at the valve, give the handle a tug and see if there's any movement.....which he duly did.

The valve and the handle cable worked in perfect harmony.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....4f03c6d0bc.jpg
Our illustrious skipper placating the local RFF with US dollars after the toilet drop pipe came off the slightly non standard fitting, much to the surprise of the two operatives standing holding it......

I thought it was a Belfast sink, not a Belfast toilet...

B747-200 flight from DEL to LHR after 5 nights in Delhi. Crew on the flight deck preparing for push back. Ground engineer says "The Upper Deck toilet is out of action but the MEL says that you can go." Captain "That may be so but the Flight Engineer says that we cannot". "Why not?" says the ground engineer, "There is a toilet at the bottom of the stairs". "That is too far for the Flight Engineer" replies the Captain. The ground engineer was very wise and the upper deck toilet was fixed without question. I have to say that the only time that I ever had 'Delhi Belly' was as a result of eating the crew food onboard on a return leg to LHR.

Operating the C 130 from Khartoum to Akrotiri. We were able to maintain the rule "two of the three seats (capt, co, F/E) are to be occupied at all times", but only by running a high-speed relay.

On a Shackleton sortie out of Keflavic, an American passenger got confused with the elsan and used the oxygen pipe next to it as a pee tube. Needless to say, the aircraft was returned to the ground "not above 8,000 ft.