If you can't fix it with a hammer its electrical.

Full version:

If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If it's too big to pick up, paint it.

If you can move it, don't.

All battles take place on the edge of the map.

You don't win wars dying for your country, but by making the other side die for their country.

If yuo misspost on prune the grammar nasties will get yuo

"The more I practise, the luckier I get."

And one given earlier, but not in its proper wording:

"It's better to be down here wishing you were up there than to be up there wishing you were down here."

whenever one was posted, or [in afterlife] whenever one moved house voluntarily,one always needed a minimum of three OS maps to cover the local area. Four occasionally.

I once read an article which pointed out that, since most of the area of a map is actually fairly close to at least one edge, this is indeed almost inevitable.

The definition of a Scottish gentleman is one who CAN play the bagpipes but refrains from doing so.

Ain't THAT the truth - he said - bitterly ;)

If you don't think you will like the answer, don't ask the question.

You get what you pay for

No such thing as a free lunch

If you rotate the turret of a Warrior infantry fighting vehicle, 15 turns anti-clockwise then the turret will fall off and the vehicle has to be towed away for maintenance.

Drive for show, putt for dough.

When making project estimates, divide by two, then increase to the next higher unit.

For example:
If you're told it'll take 5 minutes to fix, it'll actually take 2.5 hours.
If you're told it's a 4 day job, it'll take 2 weeks.
That two week overhaul? That'll be one month.
That one month redesign? Actually half a year.
That two year development project? One decade.

My wife says any job she gives me takes forever.....

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

A pilot, despite the swaggering exterior, is capable of the feelings of love, affection, care and pride. It's just they don't involve anyone else.

Strongly disagree.
I have those feelings towards my own airplane as well.

Never, never ask someone in a bar if they are a fighter pilot. If they are, they'll tell you; if they're not, you'll embarrass them.....

Never do business with the Navy!

"To be somebody or to do something.
In life there is often a roll call.
That’s when you will have to make a decision.
To be or to do?
Which way will you go?”

John Boyd.

Never a truer word spoken in my opinion...

Memorable remarks from teachers I greatly respected:

Translate ideas not words

Mozart never knew when to stop

Enid Blyton has much to answer for

Always back the favourite at a point-to-point


Everything else at school was mere detail

Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it appears at first instance

Told to me by an ex RAF Fighter Pilot and Ex Captain in the Airlines.....


The 3 most useless things in aviation:


Fuel you've burned.
Altitude above you.
A commendation from the CEO of the Airline....

Today's favour may well turn out to be tomorrow's obligation.

Following on from 111, a couple more old favourites:
The air in your fuel tanks.
The runway behind you.

MT is always late.

Attributable to today's Times. Ex Ukip MEP calls for the death sentence for suicide bombers

Would that be a bit overkill maybe?

better to be 5 minutes late than dead on time :\

DoT

UKIP with it's firm grasp of the pulse.....

BA's IT systems are second to none.

Edited to add; sorry. Wrong section. Should be in the '18 Gp Cake & Arse' thread.

any privilege attributable to the next higher rank is removed as/when one attains that rank.

and a weather one:

many a forecast has been ruined by one last look at the observations to check.

If in doubt, back out.

The wife spends your pay rise before you get it.

The wife will spend twice the actual pay rise (if she went to the same school as Diane Abbot.

If it's the last item in Stores you can't have in case someone wants it.

Always go to Stores with someone, then you can get it if someone says they don't want it.

PN the part could be on a shelf next to the store man, you can almost touch it
but if you don't know the part no.....

"Its no good pointing at it, the computer says we haven't got any."