80's P3 out of Butterworth mointoring the area freq, BA position report Speed Bird 121 FL 310 abeam F***it (Phuket)

That must have been difficult for the controller, given that isogonals move faster then a Shacklebomber......

A VC10 was heading back home across the Atlantic after some time away. It was the middle of the night, everyone was tired, and there was little to do. As soon as possible, radio contact was established in order to pass a report to base of accumulated minor faults requiring rectification. One such was along the lines of "Rear fire axe stowage lower attachment unserviceable." The person at the other end did not hear this clearly enough to understand. So it was sent again, with individual words repeated. Still no joy. A further attempt was made, this time spelling out the letters of the words. Once more, it was not understood. The final transmission from the VC10 was "Look, I'm trying to tell you that my chopper won't hang straight. Out."

In Germany, many units had a morning routine that included a test transmission on Guard. With many airbases, often transmitting from multiple positions (tower, approach, ground etc.), and various air defence ground units, this produced lots of distracting noise along the lines of "This is xxx tower on 243.0, test 1-2-3-4-5, 5-4-3-2-1, out." Usually, this was followed by a response from another station reporting on the volume and readability on a 1 to 5 scale, so 5 by 5 was perfect. After one series of such transmissions, a voice with an American accent and fighter-like background noise replied "xxx, I'm reading you 2 by 2. That's too loud and too often."

Monitoring HF one night and picked up a Ascot VC10 speaking to Architect and getting a set of forecasts which were not too good. The final one was clearly not to the crews liking as the final word to Architect was "St John, chapter 11 verse 35"

noprobs, whilst transiting the Med, we heard some other Air Trafficker testing his 243.0 by clicking and blowing. After about 20 minutes of this irritating nonsense, a pained German voice came up on 243 saying:

"Hey, would whoever is doing ze blow job on Guard please shut the hell up!"

Good call!

The Shackleton crew also used to pass a "Tech Warn" coded message at the end of every sortie (to give the groundcrew a heads up of who/what was needed for the after flight). Bored crews would often invent some strange snags, including one that I decoded one night as duty crew.....

"Co-pilot's cock flap sticking and venting".

Clicker - had to look it up, but most apt!

BEagle,

Reminds me of a comment on the company freq when a Wardair crew responded with "Aircraft playing trains, loud and clear"