OK, Grace. After a period of a an RC Padre whose Grace was more like a sermon, we had a new senior Padre of the NC persuasion. His first Grace generated an inappropriate round of applause.

"Thank God"

In the early 70s, at the first Dining-In Night to which female officers were invited, Mr Vice called everybody to their feet to toast the Queen with this:

"Gentlemen.........and gentlemen without balls..."

From long ago, when you were allowed to smoke after the loyal toast..."Gentlemen, the Queen. You may now bring your cigarettes out from under the table."

Salute!

A variation of an old English toast, but my VietNam flight of fame uses it when we meet and greet and hug...

So hold your goblets steady,
For we come from the brotherhood that flies,
We toast to the dead already,
and a low fast pass for the next man that dies!

Gums sends...

A favourite of mine, from an F15 driver I was crewed with on the OCU was:

Here's to you and here's to me;
Friends forever we shall be;
But if by chance we disagree,
well then f**k you and here's to me!

The shortest grace I ever heard in a Wardroom was similar to MPN11,
"For what we are about to receive, Thank God ".
Used it at another function and it did a lead balloon impression, followed by a long pregnant pause .............
Next time, Hoskins............. :rolleyes:

The shortest grace I heard was “God help us”. The stress and punctuation depend on the circumstances and the quality of the catering before you.

Called on at ten seconds notice to say grace at a formal dinner which was attended by several RC priests of maturing years, I managed to come up with the old (state) school one.
Benedictus, Benedicat, per Jesum Christum Dominum Nostrum

It got nods of approval from the clergy who had been expected to avoid the Tridentine Mass and preach in the vernacular since 1964.

Top! :ok:

I went to a fairly ordinary Grammar School and we sang it each lunchtime !

And on a Friday, it was:

"The piece of cod which passeth all understanding".

And now this would be appended thus:

Ladies……and ladies with balls…”

One word longer was "Thank God, no padre".

Jack

Went to a rugby club do at Uni and the guest speaker started off with: "I have an exercise to make my penis twelve inches long" followed by a pause and then: "It's simple, I just fold it half"

That seemed to do the trick, but if it's a little bold for you, there's always the tried and tested "I have worked alongside many people in my career ... and you are some of them"

Slight digression: our Upper VIth form had a tradition of using the wrong words for the usual Day One hymn of each term: we sang

Lord dismiss us with thy blessing,
Once again assembled here!

The Head was a decent sort, with a sense of humour and routinely failed to hear the mutiny ....... the Deputy Head [official wielder of the cane] bristled, huffed and puffed but fell into line.

Mea culpa, but keep the Toasts coming please.

In all my military career, I have only ever seen the Loyal Toast done, what I would regard properly, once by a Mr Vice who had the courage of his convictions

"Ladies and Gentlemen" long pause to wait for everyone to be upstanding then, when quiet falls "The Queen,".

At a ladies guest night I attended many years ago (I forget where) a holding officer Mr Vice, somewhat in his cups, began his post-top-table-leaving entertaining duties with “does anyone mind if I tell a paedophile joke?”, and then took the subsequent complete silence as his cue to do just that.

The top table were surprised at how quickly they were joined in the bar, as many of the ladies just got up and walked out of the dining room.

Not done properly if they were upstanding then !!

For some obscure Happy Hour reason, a shrub growing on top of the old gun butts [clearly visible from the Bar at Watton [Eastern Radar]] was named Tonto as it vaguely [through the alcoholic haze] resembled a person on horseback.

For a brief period, after the Loyal Toast, the Mess raised their glasses to "Tonto". We even had an unofficial Unit plaque produced!

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....6640944a0d.png

For the first 5 and a bit years I served, we drank the Loyal Toast seated, then I had a trip the the tailors and after that it was always drunk standing. When I was a student, it was “Ladies and Gentlemen, the Duke of Lancaster”