The RAF kilt, a warning to those posted to jockland.
 

On my first day at Lossie many moons ago now, I was doing my arrivals chit.

At clothing stores, I was measured up - they told me this was for my kilt size.

The stacker asked me to try on a kilt (a first time for me), they did some more measuring and took a photograph. I just assumed this was par for the course.

Unfortunately this wasn't a kilt, it were a skirt, but how was I to know!

That photo haunts me to this day, it caused no end of laughter amongst my colleagues.

Did anyone else suffer the same fate? Or do you have any funny stories that happened to you on your first day?

Oh, Donlado. What reaction did you get on Egoat where you originally posted this?

As well as the 'Should officers do compulsory time in the ranks' thread.

Your two posts, copied from Egoat?

I think we should know.

As a young, keen and eager LAC working in POL at RAF Locking I was sent to the guardroom to pick up some K9-P that had been dropped off by a delivery man! Oh how my Cpl laughed as I opened the package back at Supply to discover a jam jar filled with yellow liquid. Could have been worse though, an LAC who arrived after me at Locking managed to get as far as receiving his ID-10T before he cottoned on to the joke. Are such wind-ups still allowed or is it classed as bullying these days?

ID 10 T still perpetuates to this day. 2 MT had a bit of a 'dopey rogues gallery' at the back of their bar for a bit.

Petrol Coupon Shotgun Run
 

First week at Gut and I was to go to Wildenrath (or Rheindalen?) to collect a stock of petrol coupons- remember them?

Crewman Ldr told me to go and draw a pistol from the armoury, 'cos of their high value. So i did. Someone had to come and get me.:sad:

CG

Or being sent to supply for some "prop wash"?

Or a box of "fallopian tubes"?

Or a 100' roll of "flight line"?

There are many....

Springing to mind are the KD Greatcoat for ceremonial duties on Cyprus (in reality a brown storekeepers dust coat with brass buttons sown on) and the Warm Climate NBC Kit (with shorts). There is the oportunity to send the young erk to stores for a "Long Weight" - the SNCO asked them to sit "on that bench for a while" until they cottoned on.

However my favourite was the "mass spoof" of a course of baby pilots at Linton on Ouse many years ago. Their arrivals day programme was changed - at 0900 the course was at the main briefing room where they were met by the "doctor" wearing his white coat and stethoscope (in reality an air trafficer renowned for his practical japes). They were instructed to strip to their underwear and put on their flying helmets which had just been picked up from North Luffenham the previous week. The victims were told to wear the helmets for 15 minutes then their blood pressure was to be checked to ensure that the helmets were correctly fitted. Five minutes later, the Stn Cdr walked in to give his arrivals brief to the new young officers but instead found 12 nearly naked bodies as previously described. By all accounts he burst into uncontrollable laughter and left - at least his dignity was preserved.

Nice one, although

"Unfortunately this wasn't a kilt, it were a skirt,"

They are the same thing aren't they?

In the good old days of steam radar there wqas a tracker who kept a dot on an aircraft and drovi it around keeping it as close as possible to the blip. These were called "store dots" (I suppose 'cos the track was stored on the system or something, never did ask why).

One particularly busy period at Eastern Radar, we had allocated every track available. Someone sent the "New Boy" down to airworks to get them to open another box of "Store dots".

Oh how we laughed, simple folk, us Air Traffikkers".

Doc C

Doc,

We used to send an erk to stores for more Radar Paints.....:ok:

Going to tool stores to get a 12 inch ruler to find they are all nicelly bagged and labelled as he has been told to send them for calibration...

Sending a young lad on a tour of RAF Odius with a Box of spares consisting of 4 household bricks and then phoning ahead and getting him sent on to a different section....... Nice if somewhat heavy walk for the afternoon.

Sending a lad to the medical section to pick up some bubbles for the clino.

I was chatting with my Warrant one day when I totally lost the thread of the conversation and started staring over his shoulder. After say "Sir? Sir?" a few times he turned around to see what could so distract me from his pearls of wisdom, to see the 2 broken trainee gunners who were holding in the bomb dump in full NBC kit struggling with a voluminous, though seemingly empty, black plastic bag. After looking aghast for a moment, he said "Leave this to me sir" and disappeared after them to find out what was going on. It transpires the plumbers had told them they needed to take a bag of contaminated air to the Med Centre for disposal. It wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't turned up at the photogs' a couple of weeks before wearing respirators for their "shelter pass photo"...

Taceval Marham....erk instructed to make red and black NBC flags, then sent to POL by the Sqn Cdr to get red and black kero for the NBC 'lights' for at night!

Young supplier (Northolt) sent to ATC dragging a 'Palletiser truck' to get his Airfield Driving Permit for said Palletiser...:{

Young chaps used to be sent off to Admin at Akrotiri to pick up a Cyprus Railcard!

Purely medical one this.

Newly qualified nursing attendant from Halton arrives at Ely hospital, after a couple of days on the wards, gets sent to stores for a Streptocage to keep Streptomycin (strepto - mice -in, just in case it's too subtle!)

I sent:

An LAC to stores for a torque hammer

An SAC to stores for the vortex generator test set - storeman was in on it and gave him a test set, but said it only had the AC test leads and he'd have to go to one of the other squadrons for the DC test leads

And a JT to de-ice the windsock on a Sunday morning - he had to collect an extending ladder and a jam jar full of "de-icing fluid" (water) from the guardroom, walk down to the airfield and de-ice all the windsocks. We let him get about halfway before we called him back.

A cold winters day at St Athan on Freshers Week at UAS, with several inches of snow lying. A new stude was asked to go and turn the windsock off at the end of the day's flying programme, and was duly provided with a key. Before the stude exited the building, he was joined by another, fabulously keen-to-impress bursar student, and both then spend nearly an hour in the snow.
When they returned, we asked what took so long? They had actually been to both windsocks to turn them off, and had dropped the key in the snow on their way back. It took them a while to find it!

Perhaps not quite as inventive as some of the wind-ups invented by you light blue gentlemen, but I do recall notices appearing on a ship's company noticeboard asking for volunteers to train as either observers for PTAs or as splash target coxswains - apparently quite a few intrepid souls volunteered for both!

Jack

*** For the benefit of the uninitiated, PTA = Pilotless Target Aircraft:ok:

I believe the Regt at RAF Bruggen had a notice on the board for volunteers to be in the Road Convoy to the Falkland Islands and got several volunteers..

The one about the Gas Mask for a pass reminded me, did some enterprising individual not hold up the Sparkase or Dresner Banks at Bruggen under exercise conditions and dressed in full NBC kit with weapon in hand and mask on rob the place, unfortunately he forgot to remove his name and bloodgroup that was taped across his chest in 2 inch high letters :}:ok:

This one no joke, or perhaps an 'official' joke that serving Rocks didn't notice:

The Common Core Skills book had advice for checking someone suffering from nerve gas - cold clammy skin - racing pulse -

only problem was how to feel a cold clammy skin or measure a pulse when wearing rubber gloves.

Ah, the joys of sending new L Mech ADs off to stores for a new set of range rings for the radar....

In the days that LACs had to pass TAT (Trade Ability Test) 1 and 2, we managed to convince one keen young chap that a MENSA application quiz was the newly-introduced TAT 3. After an hour he emerged from the radar cabin we'd sent him off to sit the test in having made a not half bad go of it!

Many years ago at an RAF base in South West Wales, the new course of students gathered in the groundschool. The "SMO" (one of the instructors from the squadron) told the students that they were to be part of a research programme investigating "Testicular Drop due to the effects of Excessive Gravity". The explanation given was that, as the course involved flights including prolonged high g manoeuvring, the RAF needed to know if it was having any effect on the family jewels. The programme would involve having their "amount of dangle" measured before and after the course so, if the first student could come to the front of the class and drop his trousers, "we'll get on with the measurement".

They fell for it and the first stude dropped his trousers and underpants and the "SMO" had the steel ruler next to his parts when the real SMO (female!!) burst through the doors with a camera!!

Sending the new LAC to stores to get a metric adjustable spanner, only to have the little git come back with an adjustable spanner with a metric scale down the side. Sent him back for an imperial one though

..... getting an LAC to stand on the pan, atop a set of A steps, armed with crash map & chinagraph during a torrential thunderstorm - to record lightning strikes on the airfield :}

The scene is Brunssum in 1982 and an RAPC Cpl was besotted with an RAF dental nurse. She and her colleague persuaded him that 'T'Other Side' has perfected a weapon which homed in on white acrylic. Now ... the Cpl had lost a front tooth playing sport and therefore had a whitie-ish acrylic replacement. The nurse persuaded him that, in order to minimise the threat to him and his comrades should he inadvertently smile or yawn in a combat situation, he must be fitted with a DP (Disruptive Pattern) camouflage tooth! Not only that, but she persuaded the Dental Officer and the Dental Technicians at Rheindahlen to go along with it. The result was wonderful to behold - a beautifully brown and green layered acrylic false tooth. He was told he had to wear it for 24 hrs to allow it to 'bed in' and he staunchly did so, despite much ridicule as word spread around the HQ and unkind folk came to view his new tooth. He bravely insisted it was all true and necessary until a kindly RAF WO took him on one side and gave him a reality check.

The thing is ... it was photographed so someone, somewhere, has the photos!

...also in Akrotiri, despatching the newbie to PSF to get their Soft Drinks Tokens ('cos there was a drought)

....and not forgetting the 'Malibu Palm Tree' by the Officers' Mess patio...:E

Samples...
 

Church Fenton, late 80s and only hearsay (being from a later, more junior, course).
A new junior course of baby pilots wound-up by a more senior course. An authoritative, letter-headed note to each new trainee from the SMO; a couple of test tubes and test tube holder each, alongside all the books/kit acquired during Day 1 of briefings at BFT. Provision of a urine & a semen sample required for presentation at SMC @ 0800 the following morning.

Positive respondents anon !

New ATC assistants were often sent to ground radio for the key to the rain gate (anti clutter device on the radar) or to sweep the glide path!! The engineers had suitable implements ready at hand.