No, the target fell over the fence, complained loudly to anyone who would listen, used his hands to illustrate the time he splashed a Yank bogey in his F4and then drank him under the table back at the club. Further he chased the illegal's back to Mexico as they attempted to escape all talk of the Vickers fun bus. Suspect then flailed wildly, screaming something about missing a parade in which the RAF promoted diversity of lifestyle.

Pretty sure it was you.

We once did a 'reverse walt' in Norway. Mid 90's a group of us were there for about 10 days and at the first gin and tonic frenzy before going down town (Stavanger) we thought how naff it would be to tell our real occupations. We came up with a great cover story that we were infact working as Dolphin conservationists in Norway for 2 months. We allocated each other roles as divers, trainers, boat engineers etc. The local girls just loved it. To make matters worse we spoke in the worst possible Ozzie accents as we figured they were the easiest accents to do and after all Ozzies are more likely to know about Dolphins than Brits ..right!

The first few days were great, everyone was getting DCO's and many promises were being made to take the girls swimming with dolphins 20 miles off the coast in Stavanger. We even had a trial for who could swim with them in the pub. Six girls lined up and were told they had to try and hold their breath for two minutes. Most could not last 30 seconds because of the number of tabs they smoked.

It all fell apart when one guy who had met a truly stunning scandinavian goddess went out for a private dinner with her after a week. Feeling that this would be the woman for the rest of his life he said, dropping his ozzie accent (please put your tongue down in your lower lip while you say this) "Elizabeth I am not really a Dolphin trainer, I am a British Military Pilot, and so are all my friends':ugh::ugh:

We only found out the next evening as we went in to the bar, full of stories of how 'Spotty the Dolphin had rescued one of us today when one of our divers sank lifelessly to the bottom of the sea' to be dragged to the surface by spotty who then called the boat crew and we rescued him. The story was no longer met with glees and gasps of delight as the other stories had, but the hard grimace of 8 very pissed off viking women. We were effectively ran out of the bar (and the goddess never did become the woman of our mates dreams) buggah!!!

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a3...rnet/zxzxz.jpg

Club? No colonials in my club. Or were you referring to the Officers' Mess?

Yes, you lot are never quite sure of your targets, are you? But hoo-rah, let's shoot anyway...:rolleyes:

Westie,

I think you may have touched a raw nerve fella :E

I came across this on another forum. 'The Baron of Castleshort'. He has two huge threads devoted to him on ARRSE. The Army rumour service. This guy by any standars is a world class Walt. Probably king of the walts. So good that he may actually have done a few of the things he mentioned simply because he fooled a few people over the years.

The Lordship of Castleshort

His profile:
Jim Shortt


The Baron of Castleshort - ARRSEpedia, James Shortt, Major Lucien Ott, The Baron Castleshort, IBA, International Bodyguard Association, Protection, Close Protection, Walter Mitty, Knight of St Gregory, McCarthy Mor, Royal Galloglas Guard, SAS, Parach

That guy actually deserves a medal.

same geezer as the waitrose ad by chance

long hair
stubble

teddy for deception...

SH1 T this guys is from 22!!!

no not SAR

next in the Alfa Bet

Jim Shortt
 

Jim Shortt looks familiar.
I was given a video a while back (for christmas) called "seige busters", and I'm sure he was in it. If it was him, then at one point he was criticising certain countries special forces.

The whole video was pretty poor and I threw it away not long after getting it.

Some time it's just plain sad!

What do you do when the future wife of one of your best friend is telling in front of three or four pilots that one day, when she was 'invited' in a military field in Europe
(how convenient as we were all in Canada at the time) she:

"Went inside a fighter jet and the ejection seat she was strapped on fired!"
...Huh !? (in unison)
"Yes! but luckily she fell onto the grass, not the tarmac!

We were more shocked by the fact she could think we would believe her than by the story itself!
There must be a name for this kind of mental sickness.


More embarrassing was Buddy believing her :yuk:


That was 15 years ago with no alcohol involved and it was just a casual conversation before without even mentioning aviation.

OH
MY
GOD

I am certain after seeing his youtube videos that Jim Shortt taught us CQB on our escape and evasion SMAC course out of HMS Sultan. He was introduced as "the bloke who taught the SAS all they know about the subject"
To be fair to him, he was spectacularly good at his ninja/chopsocky stuff.
Obviously someone somewhere in authority fell for his bull.

SAS imposter rumbled

I just spotted another!

Ministry of Defence | Defence News | People In Defence | Defence 2008: A Year in Pictures

Incipient walt?
 

I used to be housemates with a lad at Uni who decided to try his hand at the local OTC (Army eqiv of UAS).

He was kitted out with the latest combat 95 or whatever and proceeded to spend a few weeks with them.

Now I would have thought they would have to do marching, drill and inspections to at least basic standard as well as PT. But no, all they seemed to do was unarmed combat...........and that how he was the hardest person in our house right down to the fact he was the former North Eastern kickboxing champion, and that he "was in the Army now".:hmm:

Until one night he tried to start on a lad in a club and failed to notice the other 7 lads he came in with....and the fact they expect you to iron your kit occasionally in the Army.

Why do people need to act like this? I could see through it but others believed this bullsh!t. He even told people that I was a pilot in the RAF, from I was a staff cadet on a VGS for a few years.

Glad you guys have found Jimbo Sh!rtt, the World's most famous nobody :ok:

Hours of endless fun, especially watching all his 3rd World IBA Pyramid Scheme websites putting up all sorts of disclaimers and copyright notices since ARRSE started on him.

Much more fun yet to be had, especially once the Media shift up a gear :cool:

In the late 80's i worked in an outdoor shop in the Brunel Plaza in Swindon. We had various oddbods who wore "Egoflage" as we described it and bought anything green or remotely military looking.

One regular used to describe in detail not only what guns he owned, the armies he has been in, and what he would like to do to the "bad" people! We encouraged him and even pointed out the local bad boys not beleiving for a minute any of his far feteched stories.

This oddbod lived in Hungerford, and was called Michael.

How were we to know?

I was down at a chippy getting some grub after an excerise when we got talking to a chap who was interested in what we were doing. He told us he was ex-army and began telling us about his time "serving queen and country".

Guy was talking a load of sh*t but he then asked what these badges were:

http://www.army-surplus.org.uk/images/para_badge_o.jpg

Now most people know what those badges are, so we replied "Oh... Eh... he serves with the 13 Balloon Corp, which basically means we fly over the enemy in Balloons and drop down using ropes". The guy was amazed by this so we made up some stories off the top of our head and off he went with his mates telling them about his meeting with the Balloon Corp. I've never laughed so hard in my life.

A driver where I work in civvy street says he used to be in the Army "but can't really talk about it" though apparently he has worked with the infamous '49 Para' which I helpfully offered to him after the bullsh!t alarms went haywire.
As I informed one of the ladies who had been taking an interest in his military 'record', any serviceman, ex-serviceman or chancer pretending to be the above who uses the phrase "I can't really talk about it" is a walt of the highest order and should be avoided.
Real steely-eyed killer types, when pushed on what they did in the military normally say they served pies on Nimrods.
;o)

Or refuelled helicopters for 'them' and just tap their nose and give you a knowing wink when you ask about it :suspect:

Nice Mr C, nice:ok:

Nah SFP, he touched a sad little xenophobic troll with an inferiority complex and a big mouth in an attempt at friendly humour, banter even, and got nastiness in return.

You see Westie has been there and done that a few times. He has seen the elephant.

On the other hand our Walt, who has never heard a shot in anger unless it was a beer bottle aimed at him, elected to go ugly early. It’s a bloody shame that his claim to have 'led the first strikes into Iraq' (which was soon downgraded to 'errm, I flew a tanker') have gone astray since pprune moved servers. The poor lad has probably never been over the FLOT to test his recce or anything else in his life. But he does talk a big game, even if it is all hat and no cows.

Our own little pprune walt with his lighthouse. Ain’t that sweet?

I was in Arnhem a few years ago and our local guide who was an historian from the Arnhem battlefield museum told me a story about a "veteran" who turned up every year and would tell people about his exploits during Operation Market Garden in 1944. Often he would tell his tales complete with medals to listeners whilst standing in the military cemetary in Arnhem surrounded by dead young men who were there and never came home. My guide told us that when found out he quietly disappeared and has never been seen since. Personally I cannot imagine a greater crime than "Stealing Dead Mens Glory" and rather than a "quiet word" I would have given him a medicinal kicking for this amoral behaviour.

Rare for you to stray outside JetBlast, stbdd....

'Xenophobic', by the way. If you're going to be insulting, at least learn to spell first.

Westie knows the 'lighthouse' in-joke.

3 VC10K from KKIA and 8 Tornados from Muharraq, night of 15/16 Jan 1991. Olive Trail and Lime Post. All went fine.

You?

Dang Beag's, step back from the keyboard...enjoy a cold one (or room temp one as some Brits prefer) and recognize when someone is simply rattling your cage with a wee bit of sarcastic humour.

You can climb the fence anytime you want. I won't shoot you in the arse...probably.

O.K. Whilst we're piling it on this festive season , Beags still has my "Pilot" magazine with a picture of Daryl Greenamyer's Bearcat in it - that I loaned him in 1969.
Big "Shoulders like a stevedore" Wanda never forgave him.

Hey Westie, how y'all getting on over there in the colonies? Looking forward to having your new President at the helm?

A cold one or a warm one, that is the eternal question! Coors (not that weasel piss known as Coors 'Lite') does indeed taste wonderful when chilled. As do many of your microbrewery products. But British brown beer is better at cellar temperature.

I've been told that I might have to pay a visit to your country next year on business, so hopefully won't need to climb any fences and risk your marksmanship....:ooh: That is, if I can persuade the fat Martians at immigration that I don't intend overthrowing the government....:hmm:

Now Redders, I do indeed remember 1969 as that was the year that Darryl F Greenamyer broke the old Bf109R record at 478 mph in a Bearcat. Shall have a look for your magazine, but fear it no longer exists!

However, selective amnesia means that (fortunately) I don't remember Big Wanda. Or was she that awful Amazonian creature who worked in the Officers' Mess at White Waltham - and supplemented her income by 'entertaining' the navvies who were busily building the M4 extension at the time. For 2/6 a time, I gather....:suspect:

Now, now Mr C. You know as well as I do I was being bored to tears at West Moors when TSW received the Underwater Knife Fighting course signal. Hence I missed the course and had to spend my wars taste testing F34 samples instead.
Of course the bowsers containing said F34 may have been looked at by one of 'them' in passing which practically qualifies you to be a 'them' in some mess bars.
;o)

I've worked through my grief and am in the acceptance stage now.

And I thought we could be friends. Rather drink water. Some fine Canadian beer please.

That's Going to take you keeping your opinion to yourself for at least an hour or two while in the que. A daunting task I would imagine.

Coors is possibly the least awful; whereas Budweiser.....isn't. But Canadian beer? Labatt Blue or Molson, perhaps.....

The trick with Immigration will (hopefully) be to enter from Canada, rather than direct from Europe. Nevertheless I will practice by talking to some cows or trees first.....:uhoh:

Is that talking to or talking down to?

Neither really - just slowly and in words of one syllable as though talking to a deaf old aunt or a senior army officer!

Lord Beags, I'd bet a drink that you'll be treated with more courtesy coming into the good ol' USA than you will going back home into the EU, err, UK.

And we can legally own guns.

I love my country! :ok:

edited to add: And to keep the thread on topic, the US has "The Stolen Valor Act." While not a top priority, it is a federal offense to claim medals or service to which one is not entitled. Some have gone to jail and/or been fined.

Let me know how the cavity search goes.

What? You mean there's a dental check as well?

I thought that sort of thing went out with the Third Reich?

Legal gun ownership is a thorny issue here. Total prohibition after certain events was a typical government over reaction. What if the murderer at Dunblane had used a golf bat or cricket stick instead of a handgun - would they have banned golf and cricket?

Beagle, meet Dr. Big Fingers.

Oh what a lovely thread. Back in the '80s I had to conduct some business with a gentleman in Australia. He met us at the airport and as he drove us to his office we got into a rather too detailed conversation about the aircraft we had flown in on. "During my flying days..." became as regular a start to each of his sentences as Uncle Albert's "Durin' the war...". He was clearly busting to be asked the question, so we fell for it: "Oh what did you fly?".

Turned out to be fighters, Shooting Stars, USAF, Korean War. "What was an Aussie doing in the USAF?" - "On attachment, military advisor - but I saw plenty of combat...".

"How did you do?". "More kills than most". "Oh - well done - how many". "Errr - about six". Yeah, right.... The subject was not raised again, and no - we didn't do a deal in the end.

Funny how the real guys are often so reluctant to talk at all. There was a great WW2 agent-dropping pilot who ended up behind barbed wire, never cared to reminisce, but postwar became a works team racing driver for Aston Martin. In one practice session he bent his car and when he got back to the pits he was given a right bollocking by the team manager. He listened in silence until the storm had blown over, and then said gently "Bloody hell, when I crashed my Stirling they gave me the ******* DFC!".

We had an ex-RAF Nav here in NZ around the time we bought the 10 Andovers ex-RAF. He was most definitely a Nav, and had practiced on Canberras of various squadrons he assured us, [our Canberras had long gone at that time]. He was on my Command and Staff Course in 1976 and in the course of discussion over a beer revealed that he had taken part in one of the Canberra raids during the Suez crisis. There followed a noticeable silence and a change in subject because he knew and I knew that, given his age, he would have been the only 16-year-old Canberra Navigator on Suez operations!

In our (non-aviation) organisation we have a mega-Walt who claims a George Medal, ex-21/22, a BSc in English (!), membership of various of organisations and a history tackling organised crime amongst many other things. All verifiably complete 'round-objects'.

Now here's the odd thing - he's known as a complete Walt throughout the organisation (minor Walting is sometimes referred to as 'doing a ... (insert his surname).. and he works for a guy who really HAS got an interesting history in NI but despite that he's recently been promoted! We can only wonder...!

. . . fine Canadian beer ?
 

Mind you, this IS a thread about bull**** and imposters . . .

As for 'serving pies in a Nimrod' - some of us actually ATE pies - even the cold greasy ones - armadillos.

God, we were hard, by the way, did I ever tell you about . . . . .

We once had a Walt - been there, done that, no matter what or where. He told us many times he had once lost a very important piece of paper, for which he was responsible. Result - 28 days inside. We knew this story to be true, and also the date of the event.

He was regaling us with the story, yet again, one evening, and a newcomer commented that he would never get his Long Service & Good Conduct Medal, for which 18 years' undetected crime is one of the requirements.

"Already got it," sezee. He did not notice the sudden silence, or the howls of laughter that followed. For him to have the medal, he would have had to be three years old when he joined up.

The thing is, even when he knew his cover was blown, it made no difference to his tall tale-telling.

There was a flt lt ATCO at Binbrook in the late 60s who claimed to have been a navigator on a nuclear submarine - not bad going for a guy in his mid-30s at most.

However: the Jim Shortt saga rolls on. The Anglo-Oirish Uber-Walt has had just about everything he ever claimed debunked, and he still won't lie down. Updated material to make you weep is:
Here:
The Baron of Castleshort - ARRSEpedia, James Shortt, Major Lucien Ott, The Baron Castleshort, IBA, International Bodyguard Association, Protection, Close Protection, Walter Mitty, Knight of St Gregory, McCarthy Mor, Royal Galloglas Guard, SAS, Parach
And here:
List of James Shortt's Dubious Claims - ARRSEpedia

and discussion continues in Part 2 here:
Army Rumour Service > > Forums > > General > > The Intelligence Cell > > 'Baron' Castleshort Part 2

And another one exposed... this one completely foolish with the range of medals he wore...

Fake War Veteran's Walk Of Shame: Medal Of Dishonour During Remembrance Day Parade | UK News | Sky News

When I was in the medal business I both sold medals to collectors and offered a mounting service. I was frequently of the opinion that people buying medals (usually replicas) of medals that they claimed to have lost were in fact not entitled to them. Often people went further, buying a medal that they thought they should have been given, perhaps a GSM where they had not quite done sufficient service in theatre. Some were even more blatant - I did manage to dissuade one chap from awarding himself an OBE on one occasion, but I am sure many others managed to fool me.

Looking at the chap in the picture above, even as replicas that group would have set him back several hundred pounds, and if the DSO and MC were originals then we are into four figures. It just shows how far these Walter Mittys will go to live out their fantasies!