Anybody ever have the experience of returning to RAF stations from overseas when customs didn't turn up and RAF Plod did the job instead (daft question really, of course you have). HM Customs normally inspected a percentage of passengers/crew, RAF Plod W@nkers just did everyone. Maybe they just can't do percentages.

S_H

See, wrong service again. RN, we always get HMC&E turn up. They are well known for their prompts of "you bought this before you went, yes?", and "this is for your own personal use, and you have worn it, yes?". Mainly when applied to female clothing, unfortunately...:uhoh:

We fill out declarations as normal, we just don't always remember to put everything on the form. We took some Queens Dragoon Guards to Amsterdam for a jolly - silly buggers kept trying to declare the personal armouries they had bought out there!

Is that the Flt Sgt Plod that charged himself ( No Duff ), or the RAF copper that filed a low flying complaint and demanded a reply. :E

wg13_dummy:

Because it makes it difficult to type, having paws and all.

There was a Cpl RAFP at Northolt in the 70's who filed an insecurity report on 32 Sqn because he found that the door to the ALM's office had been left unlocked.

What he failed to notice was that the windows of the office had been removed by contractors and the replacement windows were neatly stacked outside.

Understandably,the last to leave the office could not see the point of locking the door.

Met a good OC Police once. Yup, not an oxymoron. His advice was don't be friendly with a policeman; they'll shop you as soon as look as you.

Waddon, 90's. Permanent RAF Plod on door duty - 1250 in, match photo, pass out - pass in, match photo , 1250 in. One day Mrs OC arrives, no 1250 as wife of tends not to be in Air Force. "1250 please" ? "Wait there, I'll call you husband to escort you in" :( "Sorry can't contact him - you can't come in"

Next day? Where's Cpl . . .? Oh, you mean SAC . . .:}





Never let the absolute truth get in the way of a good story; he certainly lost his tapes for a period.

Presumably those are not straight roads, but ones that are bent or go both ways?

Many years ago clicker was a civvie member of staff to an ATC unit, on camp at a Norfolk airfield with hounds made of metal and interesting Canberra's with lumps of concrete in the nose.

Being a bit of an anorak I asked if I could take some photo's. Permission was given by station admin with two condition's
1/ Permission to be sought from the Sqdn CO's
2/ Hound servicing unit not to appear in photo's

Next day as I was duty dog and the cadet's have been packed off to Marham I decided to take a walk around with the camera. As I'm walking around the edge of the apron a blue mini, complete with snowdrop and dog stops by me and the following takes place.

"Good morning, who are you?"
"clicker"
"What are you doing?"
"Taking pictures"
"Why?"
"For my own personal collection"
"You can't do that"
"Why?"
"You don't have permission"
At this point clicker hands over notes from Sqdn CO's.
"That's not good enough"
clicker hands over note from station admin.
Snowdrop then gets in van, slams door of mini so hard it almost breaks, shouts at dog and departs. clicker can't stop grinning for the rest of the day.

Well mummy did tell me to answer a policeman directly, truthfully and only give replies to what he's asked about.

Saw TAC police wing training in Kuwait. In 03 got talking to the FSGT at lunch and was informed they only escorted convoys to Camp Coyote and were not allowed to go further north!
Why did the RMP have to investigate an RTA outside the front gate of an Airhead in FRY when there was a shed full of snowdrops on the base.....answer the PM got oh 'we in the RAF police don't do police work we do airfield security and counter inteligence work' :ugh:

Mind you the redcaps can do some brilliant things llike speed checking a tornado taking of in the Falklands

Flt Lt Police in Bahrain not too long ago.

At the time there was a curfeu and he used to go around getting p1ssed on the basis that he was ensuring people didn't break it.

Then we caught him driving home after one of his drinking sessions.

Then we caught him in the Zebra Bar being writhed upon by several young "ladies" (those of you who have been there will know the sort of ladies I talk of) so we took a photo and owned him for the rest of the Det; bonus.

picture the scene.....

2 week carrier detachment with a weekend in France followed by another two weeks at sea then home. Interupted by a scuffle in Sierra Leone weended up being on navy boat (will the RN bite??) with no idea of a date to go home we evuntually left after almost 3 months with only 2 weeks kit to keep us company......

We eventually get off onto another tiny boat that took us to a coach at culdrose ish , driven up to Exeter airport where we were met by the best looking Herc I have ever seen! oh and 3 RAFP who asked us all the right questions about our bags and started to stop and search us!!!!! funnily enough they got an ear bending from all of the grumpy chiefs and the best death looks from the lineys "We are only trying to do our job"........TO**ERS!!!

Had this discussion with my Boss yesterday. It seems strange how the RN doesn't really "hate" our police - we treat them more as morale-boosting entertainment value. Also, our police transfer from other branches, you can't join as an RN Copper - which tends to get them called "source branch failures". Also, they live with us in the same messdecks, and work alongside us. Also, if we get caught, we tend to put our hands up and treat it as part of the game - after all, you normally get away with 90% of crime before making a silly mistake.

The Army seem to hate anything that resembles provost, as do the RAF - because they are (or believe they are) pro-coppers? We are not looking forward to tri-service policing as your guys' good/bad habits may rub off on ours.

Whilst flagging Muscat for Blighty a couple of years ago in my empty Herc I was informed by the head mover (good guy, honest) that 50 personnel had just had their homeward trip on a Tristar cancelled by 2Gp.

As they had been there a long while I offered them a trip home in my smelly Herc. Smiles and pats on the back all round. That is until the chief Muscat scuffer got involved and insisted on a 100% baggage check. You could feel the glee at his own importance emanating from his every pore. I informed him that we were on a tight timeline and didn't have time to dick around. He then informed me that he was in charge of security at Muscat and the baggage check was going to take place whether I liked it or not. I would have maybe conceded at that point if it wasn't for the fact that I caught sight of a sly grin between said pig and one of his oinklings. I duly rounded up all the pax, got the loadie to sort them out, started the engines, and taxied whilst giving the Muscat coppers a nice 2 fingered salute. Felt real good!

On return to Lyneham I found that they had tried to make a complaint but had been told to F**k off by my Staish. Good chap.

RAFP - All w***ers

I know the Regs in the RN are a bit lacking in the braincell department but the MOD PLOD’S aren’t much better…
#1 Was working in Faslavatory as a Civvy Comcen Techie. Job entailed going round the West of Scotland doing various maintenance jobs in other establishments. This obviously meant taking stuff in and out of CSB for use elsewhere. Now as is required we had to get a signed chitty saying what we were carrying and where it was going. All was well and good until I got my joining instructions for HMS Raleigh. When this came I got my hair shaved (No 1) and slapped in to discontinue shaving. Yours truly looked quite the Sailor, and that’s when the trouble started…
Was walking out of the gate one day with tool case, test equipment and said chitty in hand, was stopped by PLOD and asked to reveal contents of tool case. Now this tool case had about 50 single items within it. PLOD decided that all these should be put on chitty. I (being only 2 months in the MoD) advised PLOD of sheer lunacy of this practice (in a polite way of course) to wit Plod decided that he wanted to speak to my boss and asked for his name…
“Mr Malc…ext **** ” Says I
Plod gets on blower and asks to speak to “WO” Malc… a conversation ensues that put’s plod right in the picture. After coming of the phone, he was in fairness rather apologetic. He said that I looked like Jack and they always made a point of stopping sailors at the gate as they didn’t complain as much about it. At this point I reminded said Plod that (at the time) Civvy’s made up 60% of Faslane’s manning and in all probability would be the more likely culprits for pilfering. He agreed with me and just to equalize the scores ensured that I got checked both going In AND out of the base for the next two weeks.
#2 Again Faslane…
We were getting a lot of calls about Computer Terminals going U/S in the Neptune Admin. It seemed to be sparodic and always seemed to be the keyboards. After a couple of weeks of this I was sent over to find out if there were any issues that may be causing this. When I got there I found one of the UPO keyboards had given up. Had a short conversation with the user and she said that it hadn’t worked properly since RPO To*** had sent a lad down to clean the terminal.
“Oh?” says I, “Do you know what lad cleaned the keyboard with?”
“Yes actually – WD40”
It transpired that said Reg was giving out punishment for minor Mulct’s and thinking the IT equipment could do with a right good clean, and noticing the wonders performed by WD40 on his Motorbike Engine - decided to dispatch said defaulters armed with Pusser’s own variant of the Solvent and cloth. Needless to say even after I got the practice stopped we were still changing out Workstations months afterwards as the WD40 set to work corroding all the components slowly but surely on the recently cleaned equipment!
#3 HMS Raleigh Basic Training – RNR
Got caught without “licence to Breathe” LREG Thought it would be of benefit me by sticking me in a cell for 3 hours (I think it had something to do with me being a Tiff) – It was great! Got a couple of hours Kip and when I got out (early evening) Found that everyone else had squared my gear away for evening rounds.

Lara Crofts Pants,

If only someone had taken a few photos of those two sad angry f**kers standing on the pan as you taxied off into the sunset.

Top job! :D

I had the pleasure of spending 4 months at the same Muscat Holiday Resort about 2 years ago as well. Before I went OOA I had formed the opinion that all RAFPs were to**ers too. However, after 4 months I no longer thought this - I knew it! They spent their entire time on security reccees (forget the formal name) - checking out the hotels/ bars/ clubs nobody else could go to and hence catch them at it! Funny none of these locations ever made it onto the approved list of security cleared venues.

Only light entertainment was the Wg Cdr finding all of his security cabinet checks pre-signed for the forthcoming night shift on returning to the office late at night unexpectedly! Priceless!

on a serious note the only heat illness death on tellic 1-2 was an RAFP

That's because no-one told him to move away from the funny turbine noisy thing at the back of the big silver birds that fly....it was his bit of tarmac, and he was guarding it.

Sorry

Actually, I think that there was a female SGT RAFP with a self-assisted as well?

Think you are thinking of the army lass

http://www.operations.mod.uk/telic/rose.htm

Was on a rather splendid Pizza-eating det where the RAFP 'lifer' (nice room, good rates, treated everyone as if we were spoiling his holiday if we needed anything) had a particular bee in his bonnet about driving standards. Thing is, he was the only person that had had an accident, including writing off a rather nice little Alfa he had while the rest of us had Puntos! He was a git!