1. Entertaining one of the 'race formerly known as WRAFs' on a billiard table is not permitted before the loyal toast.

2. Should OC Admin Wing enter the bar, all drinking should stop until the most junior aircrew officer present has called the Loyal Challenge: "We hail thee, King Penguin, ruler of the wingless ones. Now buy thy round, thou ba$tard!".

3. Anyone wearing Clockwork Squaddie 95 or other pongo garb does so to indicate that he wishes to be considered invisible. It is therefore not done to engage such a person in conversation. However, to show respect for his request, it is permissible to tread on his feet and/or spill beer upon him without any need for an apology.

4. Any comment made to an officer 2 or more ranks senior to oneself in the Mess bar will be accepted as a sign of spirit. Thus "Oi, me old cock, when is that utter ar$e of an AOC finally going to f*ck off and die" expressed by a Sqn Ldr to Gp Capt will not be held against the Sqn Ldr; rather it will receive benign acceptance. Particularly if the AOC in question is indeed an utter ar$e.

5. Any person wearing a blue uniform shall give way at the bar whenever a member of the 2-winged master race attired in No 14 dress requires another drink. Failure to do so will be taken as an offer to buy another drink for all aircrew present.

...if staying overnight, it is considered polite to air one's matress outside the window first thing in the morning.

Champagne bottles are always opened with a sabre

The alcohol is free and all prices are there for comparison to the outside world.

... but surely BEags , the rule was no talking about the silver or touching the women ........

.... but mayhap I misremember my Stradling .......

Beags

Get with the programme old chap! We don't have OC Admin(s) any more ... they are now OC Support Wg(s). At least that's the case on my Unit, and on some of the others I've visited recently.

As a direct result of the change, everything is much much better!!

Regards

STH

don't go into a mess for your 1 week a year, and complain to the mess manager and /or PMC that the newly introduced casual dress policy (which was introduced to make the lives of the livers in better) is a disgrace and that the standards of the RAF are slipping and Jackets and ties should be reintroduced without delay.

not the cleverist thing i've seen a VR do :*

A couple of other things not to do (especially if you are Wing Staff fraudulently claiming entitled rates for non-existent Wing meetings/training days/sports fixtures!!! (and thus frequenting the Mess every other bl**dy weekend to play golf on the nearby course))

1. Do not steal the papers after breakfast/abuse the Mess Staff/attempt to lord it over the livers in because you hold plastic acting Sqn Ldr/ Wg Cdr rank.

2. If offered the opportunity to join in a late night take out pizza order in the bar, do not complain loudly that the order hasn't yet been made when the orderee is still checking with other livers in for their requests (money thrown back at you may cause offence).

3. Do not organise a Wing Dining In Night, using the Main Bar then complain about the staff occasionally serving the livers in using the Scruff Bar (being pinned to the wall by a high pressure jet of water from the fire hose built into the wall just outside the bar may cause offence (what idiot designer thought that would be a good idea in an Officers' Mess!))

4. Do not, under any circumstances, ring the OC of a training unit to complain about one of your ex-cadets being chopped, on the grounds that the OC's staff plainly have little concept what an outstanding officer the boy is and obviously no idea about selection and training of personnel - then invite said ex-cadet to his old mess for the above Dining In Night (also partial cause of punishment dished out at 3 above)

5. If you are the Cadet Duty Officer, don't be there in the bar, be with the cadets - Orderley Officers don't generally like being woken at 0200 by RAFP and CIVPOL telling you that there has been a Class A drug party in the cadets accommodation.

6. Oh yeah - if you do don't be surprised at SIB calling on you to explain about the fraudulent claims as soon as the livers-in find out.

I could go on but as an ex-cadet it depressed me at the time and still does...

I know this is all negative, and these people were a disgraceful minority (mostly led by an appalling Fg Off (acting Wg Cdr)) but best to avoid these sorts of schoolboy errors don't you think?

Spotter FC
Sounds like you have a great time with some of your local ATC wing staff.
As regards the 'plastic' comment for the ranks. Some of the VR(T) guys are nil mil experience apart from the cadet service, however others have moved to VR(T) from the regs on retirement. I hope you dont use the same comments to certain individuals that I know who now wear sqn ldr tapes when they used to wear AVM etc.

To all other fellow VR(T) out there. Keep up the good work.:ok:

At deadlos, many moons ago, a young APO funkletrumpet was asked why he hadn't called a VR(T) Flt Lt Sir. That went down rather well with all the other Fg Off/Lt/Sub Lt at the time too...

When I was at Shawbury we were sat in the bar late one night midweek celebrating a test pass of some kind. As gent in civvies approached a qhi at another table and suggested loud enough for all to hear that since it "appeared to be past 7" us STUDENTS still in flying suits should leave the bar. That the QHI was in uniform didn't seem to bother our guest.

The qhi sent him on his way and a pretty heavy session soon developed. After about an hour of twitching in his seat and glowering over ar us, the guy came back over demanding that we kept the noise down as he was having trouble READING HIS BOOK! When we suggested he went into the anteroom for some peace and quiet he read the riot act and demanded our names and that of our boss so we could recieve the rightfully deserved hats on the next morning. When he went on to introduce himself as flt lt blah from the air cadet summer camp he was heckled out of the bar.

The next morning he called work and one my mates answered the phone and transfered him through to the boss. As ops was next door to the boss's office we eavesdropped and the conversation ran something like this...

"i see, they did what?......and what were their names?.......right......uniform after 7?..........noisy?.......yes i'll deal with this.....sorry who are you again?.........Oh F@&K OFF!

SpotterFC long time! Check your PM's.