Aviation cliches....
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 58
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'If it takes full power to taxi to the ramp, you've probably landed with your gear up.'
'Helicopters can't fly, they're just so ugly the earth repels them!'
'If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller...that is, unless you keep the stick back, then the houses get bigger again.'
'The only time you can have too much fuel is if you're on fire.'
Magoo
'Helicopters can't fly, they're just so ugly the earth repels them!'
'If you pull the stick back, the houses get smaller...that is, unless you keep the stick back, then the houses get bigger again.'
'The only time you can have too much fuel is if you're on fire.'
Magoo
Gentleman Aviator
Better to stop before you land rather than land before you stop.
[used to be my signature when we had such things ...]
[used to be my signature when we had such things ...]
Join Date: Sep 2004
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On runway take off calculations:
"If you've got a performance problem you don't have a time problem."
The first rule of Air Transport:
"Always set your alarm clock before the first beer."
"If you've got a performance problem you don't have a time problem."
The first rule of Air Transport:
"Always set your alarm clock before the first beer."
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Dorset
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Or there's always the 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation:
- I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
- Me? I've never busted minimums.
- We will be on time, maybe even early
- Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
- I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
- I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
- All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
- I'm a member of the mile high club.
- I only need glasses for reading.
- I broke out right at minimums.
- The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
- Don't worry about the weight and balance it'll fly.
- If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
- I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
- We shipped the part yesterday.
- I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
- All you have to do is follow the book.
- This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
- We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
- Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
- I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
- No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
- Sure I can fly it it has wings, doesn't it?
- We'll be home by lunchtime.
- Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
- I'm always glad to see the FAA.
- We fly every day we don't need recurrent training.
- It just came out of annual how could anything be wrong?
- I thought YOU took care of that.
- I've got the field in sight.
- I've got the traffic in sight.
- Of course I know where we are.
- I'm SURE the gear was down.
'First Officers Code of Ethics'
Survival Rules:-
Don't fly at night.
Don't fly in bad weather.
Keep your poor attitude a secret.
Don't sleep while your Captain is.
Never, ever eat a crew meal in the dark.
Talk up the advantages of early retirement.
Don't fly with a Captain nicknamed "Lucky".
Don't make better landings than your Captain.
Speak very, very softly when you speak to your Captain.
Never, ever awaken your Captain when he is smiling in his sleep.
Don't interfere if your Captain absolutely insists on making a fool of himself.
It's hell to fly with a nervous Captain, especially if you're the one making him nervous!
Keep your Captain out of the morgue, jail, the papers, FAA hearings, and Chief Pilot's office.
Always let your Captain be the first out the door of the airplane. After all, there may not be any stairs.
It's better to be down here, arguing about how you are going to do it up there; than to be up there arguing.
As a Co-pilot, your primary job is to detect and correct mistakes:-
1. First, your own mistakes.
2. Second, your Captain's mistakes.
3. Finally, everybody else's mistakes.
Don't expect your Captain to:-
Wear expensive uniform shoes;
Pick up the meal check on a layover;
Wear a small or inexpensive wristwatch;
Be impressed with your flying background;
Believe the FAA is doing a satisfactory job;
Purchase his own newspaper to read on a trip.
Hear and understand the ATC request the first time;
Buy anything without asking for an airline discount;
Respect the competency of senior airline management;
The two basic rules of a Captain's authority:-
Rule One. The Captain is always right.
Rule Two. IF, the Captain is ever observed making a mistake, see Rule One.
When you upgrade to Captain, you must:-
1. Accept responsibility for being right all of the time.
2. Compensate for all of those inept and disrespectful Co-pilots.
But as a good First Officer:- Do today what your replacement will do tomorrow
Survival Rules:-
Don't fly at night.
Don't fly in bad weather.
Keep your poor attitude a secret.
Don't sleep while your Captain is.
Never, ever eat a crew meal in the dark.
Talk up the advantages of early retirement.
Don't fly with a Captain nicknamed "Lucky".
Don't make better landings than your Captain.
Speak very, very softly when you speak to your Captain.
Never, ever awaken your Captain when he is smiling in his sleep.
Don't interfere if your Captain absolutely insists on making a fool of himself.
It's hell to fly with a nervous Captain, especially if you're the one making him nervous!
Keep your Captain out of the morgue, jail, the papers, FAA hearings, and Chief Pilot's office.
Always let your Captain be the first out the door of the airplane. After all, there may not be any stairs.
It's better to be down here, arguing about how you are going to do it up there; than to be up there arguing.
As a Co-pilot, your primary job is to detect and correct mistakes:-
1. First, your own mistakes.
2. Second, your Captain's mistakes.
3. Finally, everybody else's mistakes.
Don't expect your Captain to:-
Wear expensive uniform shoes;
Pick up the meal check on a layover;
Wear a small or inexpensive wristwatch;
Be impressed with your flying background;
Believe the FAA is doing a satisfactory job;
Purchase his own newspaper to read on a trip.
Hear and understand the ATC request the first time;
Buy anything without asking for an airline discount;
Respect the competency of senior airline management;
The two basic rules of a Captain's authority:-
Rule One. The Captain is always right.
Rule Two. IF, the Captain is ever observed making a mistake, see Rule One.
When you upgrade to Captain, you must:-
1. Accept responsibility for being right all of the time.
2. Compensate for all of those inept and disrespectful Co-pilots.
But as a good First Officer:- Do today what your replacement will do tomorrow
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
Behind the line from 3 to 9, and coming down....
There are two types of aircraft - fighters and targets.
Basic Flying Rules:
No one has ever collided with the sky.
An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that some clouds have solid centres.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
There are two types of aircraft - fighters and targets.
Basic Flying Rules:
No one has ever collided with the sky.
An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that some clouds have solid centres.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
Last edited by ORAC; 19th Oct 2005 at 10:32.
