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Instructors - any favourite "bon mots" ?

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Instructors - any favourite "bon mots" ?

Old 30th Aug 2017, 17:24
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Instructors - any favourite "bon mots" ?

Doesn't have to be a QFI of course, any old salt with words of wisdom to trainees will do.

A couple of my favourites:

"Why are you rushing your landing, the ground isn't going anywhere".
---------
Trainee - "I see we are on a weather hold sir, perhaps I could take you to lunch"

Instructor - "You don't know enough to take me to lunch"
--------
Instructor in tower to student pilot on first solo - "there is an aircraft on the runway, go around."

Student - "Roger" (continues approach)

Instructor - "Repeat, there is an aircraft on the runway GO AROUND"

Student - "Roger" (student lands, taxis up to a big twin sitting on the runway, and goes around it)

Some of those may be apocryphal, but you get the idea.

(in hindsight maybe this should be in Jet Blast - apologies)
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 17:30
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Student Cessna pilot stops at runway intersection after an especially bouncy
landing and requests permission to cross the runway; tower replies "Garn, you can jump it!"
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 17:46
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Written in a student's report after circuits: "He stalks the centreline with all the skill and cunning of a Canadian fur-trapper."
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 17:53
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RAF QFI reporting on his Jet Provost student: "By pressing the engine start button, Bloggs sets in motion a sequence of events over which he has little control".
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 17:54
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I have two remarks that solved problems instantaneously .
1. After learning initially on American Yokes,being very ham fisted on a Chipmunk control column." Think of the stick as rigid Haraka,and just apply pressure to it".
2. Years later making a total "horlicks" slamming airbrakes in and out on a glider on approach . "FFS Haraka treat them like a throttle!"

And one I will never forget:
Doing a solo EFATO practice, with Ken Wallis generally offering suggestions and looking on, with an Autogiro which terminated from 100 ft with what can, euphemistically, perhaps be best described as a very heavy landing.
Whilst unstrapping, switching everything off ,checking that I hadn't broken my back and rapidly preparing to vacate the premises, I was aware of KHW standing alongside.

"Terribly sorry old boy, I do appear to have dropped you in at the deep end a bit there".

Last edited by Haraka; 30th Aug 2017 at 18:39.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 18:18
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After repeated attempts by a Controller to get a student pilot away from CAS 'Exam 45 adopt the callsign Failed 45 now in Controlled Airspace'.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 18:20
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Bloggs, when we apply full forward on the Jet Provost control column, why are the brakes applied?
"No idea Sir."
Well Bloggs, your leg restraints should be behind the column not in front.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 18:31
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Instructor, "That is Don Bullock, don't ever fly with him".

Student, (Thinks, I never take any notice of people who bad mouth other people but...), "Yea, OK".
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 18:54
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"OVERSHOOT" ... he said it so often it's lodged in my memory.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:04
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A Scottish QHI on the RAF Sea King Conversion Unit - 'Did we land......or were we shot down?'
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:07
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Ex Jag mate QFI to me on flapless approach to Linton -

'Can you feel that vibration mate?'

Me - 'Yes'

QFI - 'Well put the f**king nose down, it's the stall'
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:21
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Linton, late 80's. Instructor takes student on Fly 1, the famil flight with no pressure on the student, just had to sit there and not be sick.

On the front of the student's sortie report form he wrote, "Welcome to the JP, your first flight, hope you enjoyed it, etc, etc...."

On the back (which the student doesn't see), his only line was "Seems like a bit of a prat".

Stude was chopped about a month later.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:29
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Originally Posted by Planet Basher View Post
Instructor, "That is Don Bullock, don't ever fly with him".

Student, (Thinks, I never take any notice of people who bad mouth other people but...), "Yea, OK".
Very good advice. At one air display I was put in fear for my life by someone of that name - even though we (myself, my wife and her parents) were on the ground at the time.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:38
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A harassed fellow instructor said his 'overseas' student showed all the smooth control of a copulating ferret.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:49
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From my ex hurribomber instructor who left a wing tip on a tree stump.

ACE if bullshit was a trombone you would be a full brass band
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 19:50
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When I asked paddles how to improve my carrier landing grades:

LSO Answer: ‘Just fly a centred ball on speed on centreline all the way to touchdown.’
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 20:29
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Vale of York, late 80s in a JP3. Creamie QFI to me "Why can't you f&@ing do that; are you some kind of spaz?" Hats off to your professionalism; you really earned your 'sir'.
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Old 30th Aug 2017, 20:40
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Stude: "What's it like, Sir, this night flying ?

QFI: "Much like day, Bloggs, except that the air's smoother, and you'll find the controls a lot heavier"

Stude: "Why is that, Sir ?"

QFI: "Because I've damn well got hold of them !"

(no, I was never a QFI)
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Old 31st Aug 2017, 07:39
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Gnat, Valley, turning finals, wind blowing me towards the runway so tighten turn. Aircraft descending like one of Messrs Otis's finest. Me fresh out of ideas when voice in my ears says through gritted teeth "I have control". Man in the boot rolls wings level and pulls out of descent fairly near the ground. As we climb away, "If you had been on your own you would be f***ing well dead". Lesson well and truly learned and thank you Vic W for the subsequent 51 years
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Old 31st Aug 2017, 08:44
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When teaching a student to hover a helicopter and trying to relax on the cyclic - "imagine you're a Duchess holding a tramp's cock"
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