Bodily Functions on FJ Ferry Flights ?
Did some very long ones, in fast jets, and although I experienced the agonies of hell on occasion, I never used a p bag. I did nearly lose my Boss over France as he struggled to relieve himself and in doing so lost the formation, by about 12 miles!
Last edited by MACH2NUMBER; 6th Jan 2017 at 17:17. Reason: punctuation
Exchange RIO No 2
Leon/Stitch,
As I recall the Sqn scribe made suitable mention in the Station rag, hilarious! No names but it was clearly from a cast of one!
As I recall the Sqn scribe made suitable mention in the Station rag, hilarious! No names but it was clearly from a cast of one!
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Fonsini,
To answer your original question, we use these Uridom's and bags from Coloplast. This is a system used for years in hospitals where some patients are unable to get out of bed.
The Uridom is like a condom with a hose connection on the tip. It is held in place by a self adhesive strip and is very easy to use. You dont need to strap out of the seat to use it as long as you have "installed" it before the flight. It takes a little getting used to just to "let go" and pee, but it works like a charm.
The bags can be daisy chained so you dont need to change them when full. The F-16 has two small compartments below the seat to fit in the bags.
Some pilots refuse to use them as they consider them to be uncool. Me, I dont care, as long as I dont piss on myself, the seat or the rest of the cockpit.
https://www.coloplast.no/-global/con...nveen-losning/
War stories....
Using the old piddlepack type bag in the F-16, I learned to close the fresh air vent just in front of the seat handle before urinating. Keep it open and its like taking a piss upwind if you miss the bag. Luckily my visor was down....
To answer your original question, we use these Uridom's and bags from Coloplast. This is a system used for years in hospitals where some patients are unable to get out of bed.
The Uridom is like a condom with a hose connection on the tip. It is held in place by a self adhesive strip and is very easy to use. You dont need to strap out of the seat to use it as long as you have "installed" it before the flight. It takes a little getting used to just to "let go" and pee, but it works like a charm.
The bags can be daisy chained so you dont need to change them when full. The F-16 has two small compartments below the seat to fit in the bags.
Some pilots refuse to use them as they consider them to be uncool. Me, I dont care, as long as I dont piss on myself, the seat or the rest of the cockpit.
https://www.coloplast.no/-global/con...nveen-losning/
War stories....
Using the old piddlepack type bag in the F-16, I learned to close the fresh air vent just in front of the seat handle before urinating. Keep it open and its like taking a piss upwind if you miss the bag. Luckily my visor was down....
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Air Force Report Concludes F-16 Crashed After Pilot Tried to Relieve Himself
There are of course inherent dangers. 
Report
The pilot of an Air Force F-16 was trying to urinate in a cockpit device when the $20-million plane went out of control at 28,000 feet and crashed at Palmdale Regional Airport in December, an Air Force report said Friday.
The report describes the events leading up to the Dec. 1 accident, but it does not assign blame for the crash. It does not mention any evidence of pilot error or equipment malfunction, nor does it say if the pilot's attempt to urinate while flying on automatic pilot was a contributing factor.
The pilot, Capt. Craig Fisher, 29, was about 48 minutes into a flight from Luke Air Force Base in Arizona with two other planes to the Miramar Naval Air Station near San Diego when he attempted to use the so-called "piddle pack" and the aircraft went out of control, the report said.
According to the released report, Fisher put his jet on autopilot about 40 minutes into the flight, took the piddle pack from his flight suit pocket, unlatched his lap belt, "and began to raise himself up and forward in the ejection seat."
"He used his feet on the rudder pedals to help with this upward motion," the report said. Then, the jet began a "very aggressive and rapid" roll to the right and down. Fisher unsuccessfully fought to regain control of the falling jet, including turning off the autopilot, before ejecting, the report said.
The report describes the events leading up to the Dec. 1 accident, but it does not assign blame for the crash. It does not mention any evidence of pilot error or equipment malfunction, nor does it say if the pilot's attempt to urinate while flying on automatic pilot was a contributing factor.
The pilot, Capt. Craig Fisher, 29, was about 48 minutes into a flight from Luke Air Force Base in Arizona with two other planes to the Miramar Naval Air Station near San Diego when he attempted to use the so-called "piddle pack" and the aircraft went out of control, the report said.
According to the released report, Fisher put his jet on autopilot about 40 minutes into the flight, took the piddle pack from his flight suit pocket, unlatched his lap belt, "and began to raise himself up and forward in the ejection seat."
"He used his feet on the rudder pedals to help with this upward motion," the report said. Then, the jet began a "very aggressive and rapid" roll to the right and down. Fisher unsuccessfully fought to regain control of the falling jet, including turning off the autopilot, before ejecting, the report said.
Op Shader is sponsored by the good people at Traveljohn:
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Only weird people don't pee on a long op mission...
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Only weird people don't pee on a long op mission...
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Frodo,
Maybe your comment is true, however. I flew fast jets for 6500 hours on Ops, long transits and QRA, and not once used a Pee-bag. The transits were easier to plan for but the 04.30 No Notice QRA scramble was more likely to catch one out. Making oneself dehydrated helped the problem but would not be good in a survival situation. Equally, in today’s RAF the easiest method of achieving dehydration would not be deemed acceptable!
On my first tour I was on QRA with a 54 year old Spec Aircrew nav. The hooter went at 06.00ish and I reacted as trained. I was sitting in the jet, strapped in and right engine running when my nav eventually appeared round the Q Shed door doing up his immersion suites horizontal zip.
Once all aboard, both engines running and INAS in Navigate I ask what had happened. He explained that a Gentleman always relieved himself before going flying, especially when the sortie duration was unknown.
PS. We still made our 10 minutes!
Maybe your comment is true, however. I flew fast jets for 6500 hours on Ops, long transits and QRA, and not once used a Pee-bag. The transits were easier to plan for but the 04.30 No Notice QRA scramble was more likely to catch one out. Making oneself dehydrated helped the problem but would not be good in a survival situation. Equally, in today’s RAF the easiest method of achieving dehydration would not be deemed acceptable!
On my first tour I was on QRA with a 54 year old Spec Aircrew nav. The hooter went at 06.00ish and I reacted as trained. I was sitting in the jet, strapped in and right engine running when my nav eventually appeared round the Q Shed door doing up his immersion suites horizontal zip.
Once all aboard, both engines running and INAS in Navigate I ask what had happened. He explained that a Gentleman always relieved himself before going flying, especially when the sortie duration was unknown.
PS. We still made our 10 minutes!
Last edited by Dominator2; 8th Jan 2017 at 09:28.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
And people objected when we pee'd on the bondu before flight - one flt cdr threatened to charge everyone with indecent exposure.
Dominator, I remember one Priory when OC 56, in an early F2, was late to the party and with plenty of unwanted gas on the towline. 7hrs 30 avtur to noise and no trade
Dominator, I remember one Priory when OC 56, in an early F2, was late to the party and with plenty of unwanted gas on the towline. 7hrs 30 avtur to noise and no trade
Thread Starter
Back then I could hold it in forever, I did a 9 hour TA drinking beer in the back and never went once. Nowadays the problem seems to be more with getting it out than keeping it in 
I'm still waiting for someone to weigh in on the Jaguar pilot who was caught playing with himself courtesy of a used condom under the ejection seat. In RAF circles of the 70s would that just be laughed off ?
I'm still waiting for someone to weigh in on the Jaguar pilot who was caught playing with himself courtesy of a used condom under the ejection seat. In RAF circles of the 70s would that just be laughed off ?
ArtSmass wrote:
This tasteless thread should either be binned (preferably), or moved to Jet Blast.
Should this thread be in the Accidents & Close Calls forum??
AERO-URINARY story from the days long before FJs: Duncan Hamilton was one of the great larger-than-life characters who served in the Fleet Air Arm before becoming a famous racing driver of the 1940s and 50s. An episode in his book Touch Wood (1960) is entitled Christening the American Admiral and recalls flying a B25 somewhere, perhaps during service in America? Can't recall the detail but Duncan did that sort of thing. En route, while the USN admiral was enjoying the view from the nose compartment, Duncan required the relief tube which had a convenient funnel clipped to the pilot's seat. Unfortunately its hose had been detached where it entered the top of the nose compartment and the Admiral received a pint of filtered beverage from Duncan's night before.
If I may be allowed to stray from the FJ which was way beyond my means and capability ... long ago I took my new girl friend for a week on the Algarve. After two hours we were halfway across Iberia at FL100 when the familiar urge became unbearable. Thankfully Mr Piper provides a 6ins x 4ins DV window just right for a plastic sandwich bag. It was a great icebreaker and almost 40 years later we still laugh about the day when the rain in Spain fell mainly from the plane. I hope nobody from Oviedo reads this.
If I may be allowed to stray from the FJ which was way beyond my means and capability ... long ago I took my new girl friend for a week on the Algarve. After two hours we were halfway across Iberia at FL100 when the familiar urge became unbearable. Thankfully Mr Piper provides a 6ins x 4ins DV window just right for a plastic sandwich bag. It was a great icebreaker and almost 40 years later we still laugh about the day when the rain in Spain fell mainly from the plane. I hope nobody from Oviedo reads this.
QUOTE:
And people objected when we pee'd on the bondu before flight - one flt cdr threatened to charge everyone with indecent exposure...
NICOSIA 1961.
As a newly arrived forecaster for the airfield Met Office, my orders from the boss included, right up front:
"After dark, when you need a slash, do it on the hollyhocks outside our windows!".
When I looked startled he explained that the hollyhocks throve on piddle [they were 14ft tall, it was said], and, in any case, the only khazi nearby on airside was a noissome trough and earth thunderbox.
And people objected when we pee'd on the bondu before flight - one flt cdr threatened to charge everyone with indecent exposure...
NICOSIA 1961.
As a newly arrived forecaster for the airfield Met Office, my orders from the boss included, right up front:
"After dark, when you need a slash, do it on the hollyhocks outside our windows!".
When I looked startled he explained that the hollyhocks throve on piddle [they were 14ft tall, it was said], and, in any case, the only khazi nearby on airside was a noissome trough and earth thunderbox.
Oh yes PN, would not have missed the excellent in-flight service which she provides to this day. Other things such as hydraulics have declined somewhat, two or three times a night means something quite different to that which it meant on holidays 40 years ago. Thankfully we forget what was different about it 
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Genaviator, now older I discovered all night hours are also numbered, 1 2 3 etc, but why do day hours not have the same effect.
PN
Jag Mate son, over from Toulouse for the weekend, who normally loathes Prune, kept us in stitches for an hour or so with various stories of derring-do while airborne and desperate over Bosnia, Iraq and the North Atlantic.
Beagle
I thought it was you public school types who revelled in this sort of talk!
Beagle
I thought it was you public school types who revelled in this sort of talk!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Brian, IIRC it was a Jag Mate flying in that part of the world at height with that sort of disfused horizon and bright sky suffered vertigo, he might remember. The pilot felt he was balanced on s knife edge.