Beginner's guide to the RAF rank structure
A certain RAF Loadmaster was working down the back of a C130. An Army Major called "I say, Staff....STAFF!"
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
- Shy Torque 27 Jul 15
Which reminds me of an exchange about ten years later in the RAF:
Army officer to Argosy FE: "I say, Staff Sergeant . . "
FE: "I'm a Flight Sergeant, Sir."
AO: "Ah, if you were in the Army you'd be a Staff Sergeant."
FE: "No, Sir, if I was in the Army, I'd be a Brigadier!"
Boom, boom!
- Basil 24 May 15
I was sat on, erm, a Nimrod C130 once, next to a SNCO - mate of mine -manning the door gun. This army Brigadier was shouting "Staff! Staff!" to get his attention.
Well, my mate was having none of it until the Brigadier was right in his face. The Brigadier asked if he was ignoring him, my mate said he didn't know it was him being called as he was a flight sergeant, right?
So the Brigadier said, "Well, if you were in the army, you'd be a staff sergeant."
And my mate said, this is brilliant, "No Sir, if I was in the army, I'd be a Colonel." We were in stitches honestly. Legend.
- Scuttled 19 Dec 2011
Topcliffe, early 80's. RAF training Royal Navy to fly on an Army Base.
RAF Flt Sgt B***e stood in the middle of the Bulldog line watching the see off's.
Enter Army major (with obligatory dog), being rather unsure of where to go, the Major calls to the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant."
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
Maj: calls again (but louder) "Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant"
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
At this point the Major takes his life (and his dog's life) in his hands and marches across the apron, dodges between the taxying Bulldogs and collars the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant, did you not hear me calling you?
Flt Sgt: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant"
Maj: "If you were in this Regiment, you would be a Staff Sergeant"
At this, Flt Sgt B***e responded
"No Sir, if I was in your Regiment, I would be a lieutenant Colonel"
- Taxydual 10 Apr 08
Telling the chaps at work today of this site I heard one about a Lt Col travelling baggage class in a Herc. As the loadie was walking aft,the Lt Col called out 'Staff....Staff'
The loadie chose to ignore him and carried on his way.
Job done, the loadie makes his way up front again and once more the agitated Lt Col calls out 'STAFF....STAFF'
The loadie has had enough by now and says 'Look, I am Flight Sergeant, not a bloody wooden stick'
To which the Lt Col says 'If you were in the Army, you would be a staff sergeant, hence STAFF'
The loadie smugly replies..'If I were in the army I would be a Lt Col!'
- Satco's Whipping Boy 8 Sep 2000
Come on chaps - do make your mind up!
Looks like C130s win, - at least for as far back as I'm prepared to look after less than five minutes looking - but I can't help feeling that Scuttled may have got a little bit confused.....
Jack
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
- Shy Torque 27 Jul 15
Which reminds me of an exchange about ten years later in the RAF:
Army officer to Argosy FE: "I say, Staff Sergeant . . "
FE: "I'm a Flight Sergeant, Sir."
AO: "Ah, if you were in the Army you'd be a Staff Sergeant."
FE: "No, Sir, if I was in the Army, I'd be a Brigadier!"
Boom, boom!
- Basil 24 May 15
I was sat on, erm, a Nimrod C130 once, next to a SNCO - mate of mine -manning the door gun. This army Brigadier was shouting "Staff! Staff!" to get his attention.
Well, my mate was having none of it until the Brigadier was right in his face. The Brigadier asked if he was ignoring him, my mate said he didn't know it was him being called as he was a flight sergeant, right?
So the Brigadier said, "Well, if you were in the army, you'd be a staff sergeant."
And my mate said, this is brilliant, "No Sir, if I was in the army, I'd be a Colonel." We were in stitches honestly. Legend.
- Scuttled 19 Dec 2011
Topcliffe, early 80's. RAF training Royal Navy to fly on an Army Base.
RAF Flt Sgt B***e stood in the middle of the Bulldog line watching the see off's.
Enter Army major (with obligatory dog), being rather unsure of where to go, the Major calls to the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant."
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
Maj: calls again (but louder) "Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant"
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
At this point the Major takes his life (and his dog's life) in his hands and marches across the apron, dodges between the taxying Bulldogs and collars the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant, did you not hear me calling you?
Flt Sgt: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant"
Maj: "If you were in this Regiment, you would be a Staff Sergeant"
At this, Flt Sgt B***e responded
"No Sir, if I was in your Regiment, I would be a lieutenant Colonel"
- Taxydual 10 Apr 08
Telling the chaps at work today of this site I heard one about a Lt Col travelling baggage class in a Herc. As the loadie was walking aft,the Lt Col called out 'Staff....Staff'
The loadie chose to ignore him and carried on his way.
Job done, the loadie makes his way up front again and once more the agitated Lt Col calls out 'STAFF....STAFF'
The loadie has had enough by now and says 'Look, I am Flight Sergeant, not a bloody wooden stick'
To which the Lt Col says 'If you were in the Army, you would be a staff sergeant, hence STAFF'
The loadie smugly replies..'If I were in the army I would be a Lt Col!'
- Satco's Whipping Boy 8 Sep 2000
Come on chaps - do make your mind up!
Looks like C130s win, - at least for as far back as I'm prepared to look after less than five minutes looking - but I can't help feeling that Scuttled may have got a little bit confused.....
Jack
" There is a peice of **** on the end of this stick"
and I replied sharply
" It's not on this end, Sir" before legging it, didn't happen.
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If we on are the subject of saluting stories, I hopefully have a new one (apart from all the people I told at the time).
While on the long walk to the car park at Shriv (JOCC students park as far away as possible) I passed an older gentleman who chastised me for not saluting Cols in the Army. I looked him up and down, pointing out he was in civvies and unfortunately I didn't recognise him to salute. While expecting a smart answer in reply, he simply replied with "F*** me, so I am, terribly sorry" and carried on about his day.
While on the long walk to the car park at Shriv (JOCC students park as far away as possible) I passed an older gentleman who chastised me for not saluting Cols in the Army. I looked him up and down, pointing out he was in civvies and unfortunately I didn't recognise him to salute. While expecting a smart answer in reply, he simply replied with "F*** me, so I am, terribly sorry" and carried on about his day.
Last edited by thefodfather; 27th Jul 2015 at 20:11.
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Back in the days of the proper WRNS, a 3O walked past the irritating sod/ba**ard of a Stn Cdr at Shawbury and didn't salute.
Stn Cdr throws his typical wobbly ... "WHY didn't you salute ME????"
"Because I don't have to, Sir"
Wish we could all have done that. Bloody awful man.
Stn Cdr throws his typical wobbly ... "WHY didn't you salute ME????"
"Because I don't have to, Sir"
Wish we could all have done that. Bloody awful man.
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Of course, as was well known, the WRNS were not subject to the Navy Act which was a blessing. On occasions they were quite acquiescent to other acts however.
We're back to pussers twangers again .
We're back to pussers twangers again
.
"Because I don't have to, Sir"
If only that were correct if the man was that bad but, before they came under the Naval Discipline Act in 1977 (which by implication this was), WRNS officers and ratings were required to salute Commanders and above, and I suspect that a Group Captain would just about qualify, not least as the only Royal Air Force rank to sport a single row of scrambled egg.
Jack
If only that were correct if the man was that bad but, before they came under the Naval Discipline Act in 1977 (which by implication this was), WRNS officers and ratings were required to salute Commanders and above, and I suspect that a Group Captain would just about qualify, not least as the only Royal Air Force rank to sport a single row of scrambled egg.
Jack
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Danny42C ... it could have been W at the time of the event, although I may be confusing the incident/time/individual with B who followed him. I can't now recall which course (JATCC or GCA) I was on when it happened, or indeed which Stn Cdr was supremely unloved 
.
Union Jack ... it was indeed pre-1977. I was unaware of the nuance you mention, though.
.Union Jack ... it was indeed pre-1977. I was unaware of the nuance you mention, though.
QUOTE
If only that were correct if the man was that bad but, before they came under the Naval Discipline Act in 1977 (which by implication this was), WRNS officers and ratings were required to salute Commanders and above, and I suspect that a Group Captain would just about qualify, not least as the only Royal Air Force rank to sport a single row of scrambled egg.
I think the perceived injustice done to Wing Commanders with their bald cap peaks is rooted in the days of sail, when RN Commanders commanded vessels of the lower rates.
Not sure about Lt Cols though ............. any advice thereon?
If only that were correct if the man was that bad but, before they came under the Naval Discipline Act in 1977 (which by implication this was), WRNS officers and ratings were required to salute Commanders and above, and I suspect that a Group Captain would just about qualify, not least as the only Royal Air Force rank to sport a single row of scrambled egg.
I think the perceived injustice done to Wing Commanders with their bald cap peaks is rooted in the days of sail, when RN Commanders commanded vessels of the lower rates.
Not sure about Lt Cols though ............. any advice thereon?
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And, indeed, why RAF gp capts [and above] don't have collar tabs like Army cols, especially given the roots of the RFC.
Nice pale blue tabs would look cool
Nice pale blue tabs would look cool
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Absent Friends.
MPN11 and Fantom Zorbin,
IIRC, I was on the ATC School at Shawbury from autumn'62 to summer'65, casting my pearls before the new young ladies and gentlemen (mostly from Henlow) entering the Branch.
MPN11, I think you went through during that time, so we're speaking about the same man (remember the Grins Hill Walk ?!!) He was a few years older than I, so is by definition dead - and the dead can't sue for libel, fortunately.
Fantom Zorbin, you were long after that, so you must've had another of those of whom it was said: "The man should never have been commissioned in the first place - but it didn't show until he reached Group Captain !"
Danny.
IIRC, I was on the ATC School at Shawbury from autumn'62 to summer'65, casting my pearls before the new young ladies and gentlemen (mostly from Henlow) entering the Branch.
MPN11, I think you went through during that time, so we're speaking about the same man (remember the Grins Hill Walk ?!!) He was a few years older than I, so is by definition dead - and the dead can't sue for libel, fortunately.
Fantom Zorbin, you were long after that, so you must've had another of those of whom it was said: "The man should never have been commissioned in the first place - but it didn't show until he reached Group Captain !"
Danny.
Danny42C wrote:
I can think of 2 Stn Cdrs of whom that would have been an accurate description!
"The man should never have been commissioned in the first place - but it didn't show until he reached Group Captain !"
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A military veteran in the US joins their veterans employment programme and gets a job at a local branch of well known chain of stores. Because he's very pleasant and genial, they make him one of the greeters, and he excels. Except for one thing - he's invariably half an hour late for work. His boss mentions this and asks if he was always this tardy in the military, to which the answer was in the affirmative. The next question was how did people in the military respond to this, to which he answered;
"Good morning General, how would you like your coffee?".
All true - allegedly. (Of course!)
"Good morning General, how would you like your coffee?".
All true - allegedly. (Of course!)
A few years ago I went to HMS Raleigh to see the graduation of a friend's son. In No 1s with brevet and a fair amount of left-tit bling, the sight of dozens of recruits trying to work out what to do, and choosing to dive into random buildings to avoid making the wrong choice still amuses me.
Gentleman Aviator
Must be getting old.... 
Any reason why some names are in italics and some not - doesn't seem to be a "dead or alive" or "subsequently made/didn't make higher rank" distinction??
Gentleman Aviator
Because they failed to make air rank; or were not GD officers when they did. It says!
Of course, nowadays (IIRC) all one-star and above are "Common Air Rank List", so are no longer GD ............ so we'll never have GD Air Officers any more
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Interesting [or not] to note Mark Wordley, an ATCO*, commanding a major flying station. One presumes this was a 'tick the box' exercise before his elevation to 1*
* or should that be, in Army terminology, "(late ATC)"
* or should that be, in Army terminology, "(late ATC)"