Managerialeseorama
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
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Managerialeseorama
I know it's about doctors/NUS, but as he says, "Medical managers are not, of course, the unique victims of this malady. It is pretty widespread in the public service"......
Managerialeseorama
All doctors have noticed that when one of their colleagues, goes over to the other side – Management, I mean – he soon begins to speak a kind of language that is neither colloquial nor technical nor philosophical nor literary nor precise nor poetic nor even quite human, howsoever clearheaded and lucid he may have been beforehand. The transformation usually takes about two weeks, but is then complete. A man becomes a talking robot.
A puzzle attaches to this. Do such a man’s utterances correspond to what is going through his mind, or does he have to translate his thoughts into this simulacrum of language? Or has some kind of virus entered his brain that has disarranged its language centres, rather as a stroke does, though in a rather more subtle way? (Has anyone performed post-mortem examinations on the brains of such people as a separate class?) And if his words correspond to his thoughts, how can he, as a man of education and feeling, bear the tedium of it?
Medical managers are not, of course, the unique victims of this malady. It is pretty widespread in the public service and for all I know (and suspect) in the commercial sector as well, at least in companies large enough to function as bureaucracies. Indeed, it is quite probable that the ultimate source of the malady was those companies, and perhaps the business schools that trained their managers, as primates in the forests of Central Africa were the source of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Infection often escapes its original nidus to infect the surrounding population of the susceptible, in this case (managers in and of the public service) made susceptible by Mrs Thatcher’s ill-fated notion that the public service could be some kind of replica of private business..........
Managerialeseorama
All doctors have noticed that when one of their colleagues, goes over to the other side – Management, I mean – he soon begins to speak a kind of language that is neither colloquial nor technical nor philosophical nor literary nor precise nor poetic nor even quite human, howsoever clearheaded and lucid he may have been beforehand. The transformation usually takes about two weeks, but is then complete. A man becomes a talking robot.
A puzzle attaches to this. Do such a man’s utterances correspond to what is going through his mind, or does he have to translate his thoughts into this simulacrum of language? Or has some kind of virus entered his brain that has disarranged its language centres, rather as a stroke does, though in a rather more subtle way? (Has anyone performed post-mortem examinations on the brains of such people as a separate class?) And if his words correspond to his thoughts, how can he, as a man of education and feeling, bear the tedium of it?
Medical managers are not, of course, the unique victims of this malady. It is pretty widespread in the public service and for all I know (and suspect) in the commercial sector as well, at least in companies large enough to function as bureaucracies. Indeed, it is quite probable that the ultimate source of the malady was those companies, and perhaps the business schools that trained their managers, as primates in the forests of Central Africa were the source of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Infection often escapes its original nidus to infect the surrounding population of the susceptible, in this case (managers in and of the public service) made susceptible by Mrs Thatcher’s ill-fated notion that the public service could be some kind of replica of private business..........
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Talking bollox and talking in bollox are both symptoms of poor managers.
To be fair, you can't blame the Business Schools; to study and understand the concepts they teach, you inevitably develop a specialised vocabulary, especially when referencing research. This is no different from medicine, law, aviation or military matters. It just gets funny when you hear people using the jargon without an understanding of its meaning.
The problem with managementese is that it is often used by amateur managers - and amateur managers, like amateur project managers are in widespread use around us.
My favourite was to hear people make commitments that their budgets could not stretch to. "We'll take that at risk", they would parrot to each other. Risk is a possible variation from a predicted trajectory or outcome. When you know you don't have the money, and you know you will make the commitment - there is no risk - it's a certainty, and one with a downside.
There must be loads of similar examples out there.
To be fair, you can't blame the Business Schools; to study and understand the concepts they teach, you inevitably develop a specialised vocabulary, especially when referencing research. This is no different from medicine, law, aviation or military matters. It just gets funny when you hear people using the jargon without an understanding of its meaning.
The problem with managementese is that it is often used by amateur managers - and amateur managers, like amateur project managers are in widespread use around us.
My favourite was to hear people make commitments that their budgets could not stretch to. "We'll take that at risk", they would parrot to each other. Risk is a possible variation from a predicted trajectory or outcome. When you know you don't have the money, and you know you will make the commitment - there is no risk - it's a certainty, and one with a downside.
There must be loads of similar examples out there.
Certainly prevalent in the NHS. I saw more than one of my nursing colleagues become totally different in attitude when they went from being ward staff to being managers. One very busy shift, following a 'meeting' on the ward concerning not enough beds/too many patients etc with a former workmate who had taken up wandering from ward to ward with a clipboard and a pager I looked at the back of her neck and asked her where had the alien symbiote entered as I couldn't see the scar.
She didn't see the funny side, oddly. I like to think it proved my point.
She didn't see the funny side, oddly. I like to think it proved my point.
Totally agreed Fox,
Having done some time on the ground for U.K. in defence industry internationally , I looked at the Open University MBA syllabus to see if I could further myself by getting on board .
I felt ill upon reading the "syllabus",
Then I had the delights of listening to HR "professionals" who had no useful track record in supporting those getting contracts for any organisation, snarling up management meetings with irrelevant gobbledygook. Most merely seemed to try to impress and "snow" us with their perceived relevance to side issues of the business at hand, whilst being oblivious to the greater management burden of actually keeping the company alive...
Having done some time on the ground for U.K. in defence industry internationally , I looked at the Open University MBA syllabus to see if I could further myself by getting on board .
I felt ill upon reading the "syllabus",
Then I had the delights of listening to HR "professionals" who had no useful track record in supporting those getting contracts for any organisation, snarling up management meetings with irrelevant gobbledygook. Most merely seemed to try to impress and "snow" us with their perceived relevance to side issues of the business at hand, whilst being oblivious to the greater management burden of actually keeping the company alive...
Had a friend of mine do an M.Ed. She asked me to help with the management and leadership bit. I ploughed bravely into the stuff, but after 4 pages I gave up.
"This is all bolleaux" says I. Here's why. Now, what are your assignments?
She got a top grade for those, and is now a Head. All I did was give her the gist of Officer training.
HR are the spawn of the Devil. If one were able to gather them all together, I would reverse my opinion on open air nuclear testing. I would go as far as saying that HR is the single biggest problem with Western economies. People are not resources.
"This is all bolleaux" says I. Here's why. Now, what are your assignments?
She got a top grade for those, and is now a Head. All I did was give her the gist of Officer training.
HR are the spawn of the Devil. If one were able to gather them all together, I would reverse my opinion on open air nuclear testing. I would go as far as saying that HR is the single biggest problem with Western economies. People are not resources.
Had a friend of mine do an M.Ed. She asked me to help with the management and leadership bit. I ploughed bravely into the stuff, but after 4 pages I gave up.
"This is all bolleaux" says I. Here's why. Now, what are your assignments?
She got a top grade for those, and is now a Head. All I did was give her the gist of Officer training.
HR are the spawn of the Devil. If one were able to gather them all together, I would reverse my opinion on open air nuclear testing. I would go as far as saying that HR is the single biggest problem with Western economies. People are not resources.
"This is all bolleaux" says I. Here's why. Now, what are your assignments?
She got a top grade for those, and is now a Head. All I did was give her the gist of Officer training.
HR are the spawn of the Devil. If one were able to gather them all together, I would reverse my opinion on open air nuclear testing. I would go as far as saying that HR is the single biggest problem with Western economies. People are not resources.
OK, no more fence sitting. 
Human Resources really are about to cause the destruction of Western democracy. Here's why.
They fundamentally haven't a clue what they are doing. Their own priorities of job security, a routine schedule and neat (not good, just neat) organisation are very much at odds with the innovative and/or work-all-hours and/or technical roles they are largely recruiting for. They cover their lack of knowledge and unwillingness to exercise judgement (judgement calls can be questioned - job security types avoid it) by generating vast quantities of spurious metrics and pointless courses and online training. In their roles of advertising and shortlisting, they generate a bunch of largely irrelevant metrics and then reject everyone who doesn't meet them. The standard of talent is now set on a downward spiral.
Pointing out the gaping flaws in their organisation sends them into a panic. They do not know how to fix the problem,and daren't admit error (job security fear). They are dependent on top management for cover. Top management requires a lower bottom line. HR will now deliberately pull every dirty trick in the book to get this. Employees are treated worse than the spares. The knock-on effects for society (people working 3 zero-hours jobs, immigrants, black market) are of no interest to them whatsoever. The aim is to break the law as much as possible without it actually being worthwhile for any employee to take them to court.
The fundamental for all HR departments is now to only recruit people who won't complain. As a result, no problems within the business are ever fixed. This descent into inefficiency is irrecoverable.
You could put the blame on Top Management, but the Devil wouldn't be anywhere near success if he didn't have an army of little Beelzebubs to crack the whips.
Human Resources really are about to cause the destruction of Western democracy. Here's why.
They fundamentally haven't a clue what they are doing. Their own priorities of job security, a routine schedule and neat (not good, just neat) organisation are very much at odds with the innovative and/or work-all-hours and/or technical roles they are largely recruiting for. They cover their lack of knowledge and unwillingness to exercise judgement (judgement calls can be questioned - job security types avoid it) by generating vast quantities of spurious metrics and pointless courses and online training. In their roles of advertising and shortlisting, they generate a bunch of largely irrelevant metrics and then reject everyone who doesn't meet them. The standard of talent is now set on a downward spiral.
Pointing out the gaping flaws in their organisation sends them into a panic. They do not know how to fix the problem,and daren't admit error (job security fear). They are dependent on top management for cover. Top management requires a lower bottom line. HR will now deliberately pull every dirty trick in the book to get this. Employees are treated worse than the spares. The knock-on effects for society (people working 3 zero-hours jobs, immigrants, black market) are of no interest to them whatsoever. The aim is to break the law as much as possible without it actually being worthwhile for any employee to take them to court.
The fundamental for all HR departments is now to only recruit people who won't complain. As a result, no problems within the business are ever fixed. This descent into inefficiency is irrecoverable.
You could put the blame on Top Management, but the Devil wouldn't be anywhere near success if he didn't have an army of little Beelzebubs to crack the whips.
Have we discovered a new disease - testiculosis, or talking bollocks?
MBA's are usually only mocked by those who haven't got one.
Best 2 years investment I ever made.
Organisational psychology was fascinating.
Best insight of all, confirmation of what we'd already suspected from the nice lady who used to run Barclay's Private Wealth in UK.
Spoken in cut-glass accent, "Boys and girls, don't for a minute believe all that bull**** about reorganisations being motivated by teams wanting to be more efficient - they just use them to get rid of people they don't like."
I agree on HR though.
The only thing needed when managing large groups of people is the admin side - payroll, leave balances, remuneration.
All the organisational development fluffy stuff, values and mission statements is just unmitigated crap.
Re-organise them all out of the business I say - I don't like them.
Best 2 years investment I ever made.
Organisational psychology was fascinating.
Best insight of all, confirmation of what we'd already suspected from the nice lady who used to run Barclay's Private Wealth in UK.
Spoken in cut-glass accent, "Boys and girls, don't for a minute believe all that bull**** about reorganisations being motivated by teams wanting to be more efficient - they just use them to get rid of people they don't like."
I agree on HR though.
The only thing needed when managing large groups of people is the admin side - payroll, leave balances, remuneration.
All the organisational development fluffy stuff, values and mission statements is just unmitigated crap.
Re-organise them all out of the business I say - I don't like them.
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Recently did business with an ex RAF guy I knew. He was describing the "dual functionality and practicality of the device"........think it annoyed him when I kept on referring to the "two easy things" the device could do
OK Tartare, I'm prepared to believe there are MBAs who don't spout jargon and are good.
1. How do the idiots get through? Is it a bad business school, or what?
2. How many people get failed on an MBA course?
(for that matter, how many people fail any course these days)
Please outline a solution to the HR problem. Give the western world some hope.
1. How do the idiots get through? Is it a bad business school, or what?
2. How many people get failed on an MBA course?
(for that matter, how many people fail any course these days)
Please outline a solution to the HR problem. Give the western world some hope.
The HR problem?
Rename them the ‘Chief Executive Officer’s Enforcers’.
That way we would all know where we stand with them.
Then put a notice up in the entrance to all board rooms;
‘Meetings are held by people who can’t do, to decide that nothing can be done’
Rename them the ‘Chief Executive Officer’s Enforcers’.
That way we would all know where we stand with them.
Then put a notice up in the entrance to all board rooms;
‘Meetings are held by people who can’t do, to decide that nothing can be done’