Not quite aircrew but:
Thread Starter
Not quite aircrew but:
According to our sources:
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels , renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime! All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by sparkling water. Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal, "Hello Sailor". All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches – this applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag had already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on England 's south coast.
The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels ."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels , renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime! All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by sparkling water. Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal, "Hello Sailor". All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches – this applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag had already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on England 's south coast.
The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels ."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules."
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So the RN is taking their lead from the ADF. Remember when we got the Chinooks, Lance Barnard telling the community their purpose was for civil aid. Supposedly transporting the cane for the basket weavers.
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Not only that, when the Republic of Singapore Air Force got its first E2 Hawkeyes, the public was told that they were for monitoring shipping in the Malacca Straits.
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Just out of interest, what naming convention would be used for Australian navy ships if the republicans get their way and dispense with HM?
Australian Ship (AS); Republic of Australia Ship (RAS); Australian Navy Ship (ASN)?
Mister B
Australian Ship (AS); Republic of Australia Ship (RAS); Australian Navy Ship (ASN)?
Mister B
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HTB
I think the ADF might have something to say about taking "Royal" out of everything.
i really can't see RAR (Royal Australian Regiment) turning to Republic Australian Regiment
I think the ADF might have something to say about taking "Royal" out of everything.
i really can't see RAR (Royal Australian Regiment) turning to Republic Australian Regiment
I offer this without comment:
airsound
RAF nominated for lesbian recruiter of the year award
A Defence Policy and Business news article
10 Jan 12
The RAF has been nominated as recruiter of the year in the upcoming 'g3' magazine - aimed primarily at lesbian and bisexual women - readers' awards.
RAF Service personnel taking part in a Pride march in London
[Picture: Crown Copyright/MOD 2010]
g3 is a national free magazine aimed primarily at lesbian and bisexual women with a readership of 140,000 and complements other free magazines such as 'Out in the City', 'Out at Work' and 'Proud'.
The RAF has had a close relationship with g3 for many years, working closely with the publisher, Square Peg Media, to reach out to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) population to help them see the RAF as an employer of choice which celebrates the diversity of its staff.
And now the RAF has been nominated for the magazine's annual awards by readers who have recognised the work the RAF has done to directly include LGBT personnel as potential recruits.
The RAF faces stiff competition in the category against companies such as Barclays and Societe Generale, both multinational corporations with a lot more money to spend on directly recruiting LGBT personnel.
g3 magazine is now asking readers to vote for who they think should win and be recognised for their gay-friendly credentials, or the work they've done helping the LGBT community. You can vote on the magazine's website before 15 January 2012.
Last year, the RAF, for the first time, attained prestigious recognition by renowned charity Stonewall as a 'Top 100' employer for lesbian, gay and bisexual people in Britain.
A Defence Policy and Business news article
10 Jan 12
The RAF has been nominated as recruiter of the year in the upcoming 'g3' magazine - aimed primarily at lesbian and bisexual women - readers' awards.
RAF Service personnel taking part in a Pride march in London [Picture: Crown Copyright/MOD 2010]
g3 is a national free magazine aimed primarily at lesbian and bisexual women with a readership of 140,000 and complements other free magazines such as 'Out in the City', 'Out at Work' and 'Proud'.
The RAF has had a close relationship with g3 for many years, working closely with the publisher, Square Peg Media, to reach out to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) population to help them see the RAF as an employer of choice which celebrates the diversity of its staff.
And now the RAF has been nominated for the magazine's annual awards by readers who have recognised the work the RAF has done to directly include LGBT personnel as potential recruits.
The RAF faces stiff competition in the category against companies such as Barclays and Societe Generale, both multinational corporations with a lot more money to spend on directly recruiting LGBT personnel.
g3 magazine is now asking readers to vote for who they think should win and be recognised for their gay-friendly credentials, or the work they've done helping the LGBT community. You can vote on the magazine's website before 15 January 2012.
Last year, the RAF, for the first time, attained prestigious recognition by renowned charity Stonewall as a 'Top 100' employer for lesbian, gay and bisexual people in Britain.
Australian Republic Ship?
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"RS" in Australia is known as being for "Rat Sh#t", a mistake I made when I first came here so not sure anything with RS in it is going to get through.
.
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Carpet Muncher my boy, not Cruncher. Crunching is what you do with carrots or cucumbers.
and thinking about the criminal origins of so many of our antipodean colleagues, I guess the ship's crew would be A.R.S Bandits
and thinking about the criminal origins of so many of our antipodean colleagues, I guess the ship's crew would be A.R.S Bandits
Last edited by randyrippley; 12th Jan 2012 at 00:33.
