Apocryphal SWO stories out there.......
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Whenever I think of the SWO at Finningley around 1990 I still come out with palpitations.
She used to stand there outside the guardroom, legs well apart, at 0745 as the troops went to work from the mess and blocks across the road.
I still wonder if she knew that the white painted planters behind her we old Red Beard gauntlet containers.
She used to stand there outside the guardroom, legs well apart, at 0745 as the troops went to work from the mess and blocks across the road.
I still wonder if she knew that the white painted planters behind her we old Red Beard gauntlet containers.
Last edited by Pontius Navigator; 20th May 2011 at 18:03.
Two spring to mind.
SWO "There is a piece of sh** at the end of my stick"
Airman "Not at my end Sir"!!
This one i know to be true, Lossie about 83, I heard every word. I was duty something in the Guardroom. SWO is outside berating some poor unfortunate about his standard of dress. SWO marches said miscreant into guardroom and demands an explanation. Airman whips out a packet of fags, flips lid open and says into packet -
"FFS Scotty I said beam me up"!!
SWO "There is a piece of sh** at the end of my stick"
Airman "Not at my end Sir"!!
This one i know to be true, Lossie about 83, I heard every word. I was duty something in the Guardroom. SWO is outside berating some poor unfortunate about his standard of dress. SWO marches said miscreant into guardroom and demands an explanation. Airman whips out a packet of fags, flips lid open and says into packet -
"FFS Scotty I said beam me up"!!
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"Not apocryphal was his habit of saluting junior officers (self included) at a range of around 100 yards and then bellowing "I'm saluting you sir!" if the salute was not promptly returned."
I was on the receiving end of a variation of this many moons ago at Yeovilton from a similar playground bully.
Whilst walking from the tower across dispersal to the JOAC building, I was aware of some guys practising drill in the far distance off to my left, but ignored it as you do. Eventually became aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I stopped and turned to hear the WO leading the drill practice shout "Sir!! you have just received a general salute present arms! It is the first and probably last one you will receive for a very long time if ever by the look of you, so do us the courtesy of acknowledging it!"
Obviously, the guard were in stiches, but it just so happened that I was not really in a very receptive mood for junior officer baiting due to the fact I had just discovered that I would be completing a third year as a midshipman, having already completed 2 as a Pilot Officer. The joke was starting to wear thin.
I pointed at the ground in front of me, and in a very loud voice I ordered the WO to double the 100yds over to me.
There was a moment of stunned silence from everybody concerned, so I asked if he understood the direct order.
He started to amble over, so I again asked if he understood the direct order. He duly doubled over with the guard now laughing at him.
When he arrived, I said something along the lines of "f### you for trying to bully and humilliate me in front of junior rates, you should know better, now p### off"
I then walked, slightly shakey, to my boss and told him that he would be getting a very irate WO calling him any time soon, but the c##t had it coming.
Luckily, he agreed.
SWOs and the like, bunch of bullying gits the lot of them.
As you can see, I was an obnoxious little git even then.
Still proud of myself.
I was on the receiving end of a variation of this many moons ago at Yeovilton from a similar playground bully.
Whilst walking from the tower across dispersal to the JOAC building, I was aware of some guys practising drill in the far distance off to my left, but ignored it as you do. Eventually became aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I stopped and turned to hear the WO leading the drill practice shout "Sir!! you have just received a general salute present arms! It is the first and probably last one you will receive for a very long time if ever by the look of you, so do us the courtesy of acknowledging it!"
Obviously, the guard were in stiches, but it just so happened that I was not really in a very receptive mood for junior officer baiting due to the fact I had just discovered that I would be completing a third year as a midshipman, having already completed 2 as a Pilot Officer. The joke was starting to wear thin.
I pointed at the ground in front of me, and in a very loud voice I ordered the WO to double the 100yds over to me.
There was a moment of stunned silence from everybody concerned, so I asked if he understood the direct order.
He started to amble over, so I again asked if he understood the direct order. He duly doubled over with the guard now laughing at him.
When he arrived, I said something along the lines of "f### you for trying to bully and humilliate me in front of junior rates, you should know better, now p### off"
I then walked, slightly shakey, to my boss and told him that he would be getting a very irate WO calling him any time soon, but the c##t had it coming.
Luckily, he agreed.
SWOs and the like, bunch of bullying gits the lot of them.
As you can see, I was an obnoxious little git even then.
Still proud of myself.
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Respect
When in early commissioned life I was a flt cdr at Cranditz I used to tell my cadets that the SWO can be your ally during your first stn tours. I always made a point of paying a call on the SWO asap to introduce myself. I suggested they did the same thing.
I also slauted him/her as a mark of respect. This made my early tours much easier as I would receive a call saying "you might want to chat to me about Bloggs, Sir, before the stn cdr sends for you".
I carried on doing this for many years, until the SWO role became almost redundant and the the man/woman was no longer the spit and polished luker around the hangers looking for recalcitrant airmen (or I suppose theses days, airpersons).
Ascot
I also slauted him/her as a mark of respect. This made my early tours much easier as I would receive a call saying "you might want to chat to me about Bloggs, Sir, before the stn cdr sends for you".
I carried on doing this for many years, until the SWO role became almost redundant and the the man/woman was no longer the spit and polished luker around the hangers looking for recalcitrant airmen (or I suppose theses days, airpersons).
Ascot
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Further to J McQ
Just had a beer with an old Leeming mate. I mentioned this thread.
His story.
Jake had a habit (daily - from Day 1) of lurking in the bushes at the entrance to the Airmens Mess at lunchtime.
Many of the guys had to have lunch with their ears still ringing from a SWO diatribe.
So much so that the guys decided to boycott the mess at lunchtime.
Word soon reached OC Admin, OC XI, OC 23, OC 25, OC Eng and OC Ops.
A plan was hatched. Jake didn't last long.
Just had a beer with an old Leeming mate. I mentioned this thread.
His story.
Jake had a habit (daily - from Day 1) of lurking in the bushes at the entrance to the Airmens Mess at lunchtime.
Many of the guys had to have lunch with their ears still ringing from a SWO diatribe.
So much so that the guys decided to boycott the mess at lunchtime.
Word soon reached OC Admin, OC XI, OC 23, OC 25, OC Eng and OC Ops.
A plan was hatched. Jake didn't last long.
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Who cares what she's wearing on her head?
Sad to hear of SY's passing. My other favourite of hers was Gold with the uber wooden Sir Roger Moore.
Cpl Clott
PS. BEagle, the "calm me down pills" are in the left hand kitchen drawer...
Sad to hear of SY's passing. My other favourite of hers was Gold with the uber wooden Sir Roger Moore.
Cpl Clott
PS. BEagle, the "calm me down pills" are in the left hand kitchen drawer...
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I witnessed a recent exchange between the SWO (now retired) at Shawbury and a S/Lt Pilot under training.
As he was leaving the coffee shop the SWO notices said officer cycling past and gave a perfect parade ground salute, the young officer, not wanting to offend the SWO thanked him, but in doing so accidentally began cycling the wrong way around the one way system. This was promptly followed by
"That is a one way system..........Sir!"
The officer, now in a bit of a fluff immediately began a 360 which unfortunately in his haste took him onto the grass. Cue an immediate
"GET OFF MY GRASS..............SIR!"
Pure class.
As he was leaving the coffee shop the SWO notices said officer cycling past and gave a perfect parade ground salute, the young officer, not wanting to offend the SWO thanked him, but in doing so accidentally began cycling the wrong way around the one way system. This was promptly followed by
"That is a one way system..........Sir!"
The officer, now in a bit of a fluff immediately began a 360 which unfortunately in his haste took him onto the grass. Cue an immediate
"GET OFF MY GRASS..............SIR!"
Pure class.
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A few years ago now on the other secret Oxonian aerodrome, was a SWO who was, if I am honest, a bit of a cock. He was strutting (he didn't walk, he strutted) past our Sqn hangar one very warm day when he spies 2 of our airmen with their coveralls wrapped round their waists while they carried out whatever physical job they had been tasked with in the heat. As he struts into the hangar to administer the blocking he thought necessary, the Sqn 2ic (himself an ex-airman) also comes into the hangar. The cry of "you there that man, stand still!" echoes round the hangar. The SWO carries on, clearly thinking that it couldn't possibly mean him. "you there, that man in your clippy cloppy shoes, stand still!" Realisation dawns. "What are you doing in my hangar?!!! Etc etc". "Sir these airman are..". Cut very short with "you do not ever come into my hangar with metal tipped shoes on, are you mad?" "But Sir...." Get out, NOW!" SWO realises he is onto a loser, salutes and turns to march out. "On your tiptoes Mr R********, on your tiptoes!". Airmen still got bollocked though, but only once the SWO was out of earshot.
RSM story (2)
Went, 1 pilot, 1 me to do trooping at some place with lots of brown jobs- Junior Leaders base, I think....
Went to the Sgt's Mess, booked in, abluted etc, then down to the bar. As counselled by old gits (I was 22), I sought out the senior member, introduced myself, and asked if I could jion them. Bloggs introduces me to the RSM propping up the bar. He says hello, then without hesitation, orders Bloggs to buy me a pint. He did, without hesitation too! Got leathered!
After a while he's in story mode. "Well see, 'ad to sort the barstwewards out only last week. I come striding onto the parade ground with me gravell crunchers on, swish to a really smart halt only to fall on me arse! Well the buggers laughed- can you believe it? I 'ad 'em though, marched 'em 9 miles in their no 2's, straight into a lake and then 9 miles straight back. Who's grinning now, says I? You gotta keep on 'em see."
Went, 1 pilot, 1 me to do trooping at some place with lots of brown jobs- Junior Leaders base, I think....
Went to the Sgt's Mess, booked in, abluted etc, then down to the bar. As counselled by old gits (I was 22), I sought out the senior member, introduced myself, and asked if I could jion them. Bloggs introduces me to the RSM propping up the bar. He says hello, then without hesitation, orders Bloggs to buy me a pint. He did, without hesitation too! Got leathered!
After a while he's in story mode. "Well see, 'ad to sort the barstwewards out only last week. I come striding onto the parade ground with me gravell crunchers on, swish to a really smart halt only to fall on me arse! Well the buggers laughed- can you believe it? I 'ad 'em though, marched 'em 9 miles in their no 2's, straight into a lake and then 9 miles straight back. Who's grinning now, says I? You gotta keep on 'em see."
lsh
PS You may like to ask "Messtin" & "Wodin" about the RSM's pacestick at Putloss, there again......
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
But they do know the drill manual backwards and can organise a first class send off if required, a job that has been more frequent of late.
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A True Star
A FJ Stn up North with the standard SWO issued to the Stn - 5 foot nothing, big moustache:
Quote 1: "An excellent decision Sir, would you now wish to make an informed decision." Ouch!
Quote 2: After the Padre was walking on the Grass - "Padreeeeeeeee. I don't care if you are God's F'ing emissary on earth on not. It's my grass. Get off my F'ing grass".
SRO Entry no 2
Grass
2. There are two types of grass. recreational and ceremonial
2a. ceremonial. This is for looking at
2b. Recreational. this is for running on.
3. neither is for walking on.
That cost me a Stn Cdr's interview for allowing, but well worth it to get in the good books of the SWO.
Quote 1: "An excellent decision Sir, would you now wish to make an informed decision." Ouch!
Quote 2: After the Padre was walking on the Grass - "Padreeeeeeeee. I don't care if you are God's F'ing emissary on earth on not. It's my grass. Get off my F'ing grass".
SRO Entry no 2
Grass
2. There are two types of grass. recreational and ceremonial
2a. ceremonial. This is for looking at
2b. Recreational. this is for running on.
3. neither is for walking on.
That cost me a Stn Cdr's interview for allowing, but well worth it to get in the good books of the SWO.
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Maybe that is not a bad thing as the RAF do have trouble marching in a forward direction with more than one person in step.
Related to me by a Cavalwy Officer, who witnessed it.
Regimental Colonel visits Trooper's Mess
"Food good, RCM?"
"Yes, Sah!"
"Men happy, RCM?"
"Yes Sah!"
"Can't have that... dick them about a bit"
"5am drill, Sah!"
"Excellent, carry on"
Regimental Colonel visits Trooper's Mess
"Food good, RCM?"
"Yes, Sah!"
"Men happy, RCM?"
"Yes Sah!"
"Can't have that... dick them about a bit"
"5am drill, Sah!"
"Excellent, carry on"
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37 years in and I have never ever been a SWO fan but Mr Dale at Lyneham is about as top a bloke as a man could ever hope to meet.
We are not friends and apart from the odd hello our paths never cross but what he does and how he does it....... Just wish I had that technique
We are not friends and apart from the odd hello our paths never cross but what he does and how he does it....... Just wish I had that technique
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On guard duty at LYE in 94....very bored in sangar at 0800 watching married guys/girls stream in for the day with SWO positioned 300m behind the gate in order to catch itinerants leaving airmen's mess as well as those entering camp.
JT on racing bike steams in sans-beret....SWO eyeballs said speedy cyclist, raised pace stick towards and bellowed "AIRMAAAAAAAAAANNN"
miscreant nonchalantly raised right arm and whilst cycling past replied "SWOOOOOOOOW"
carried on and never looked back.
Made my week to see his head almost explode in anger - he never did catch up with him but for 3 weeks after the hangars at Lyenham received daily "undue" attention from a very cross WO!!
JT on racing bike steams in sans-beret....SWO eyeballs said speedy cyclist, raised pace stick towards and bellowed "AIRMAAAAAAAAAANNN"
miscreant nonchalantly raised right arm and whilst cycling past replied "SWOOOOOOOOW"
carried on and never looked back.
Made my week to see his head almost explode in anger - he never did catch up with him but for 3 weeks after the hangars at Lyenham received daily "undue" attention from a very cross WO!!
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here is some guys doing it properly!
Raf Valley 1985
I was an ATC cadet on a summer camp and was lucky enough to be there for the airshow.Plodding around we got chatting to the pilot of the static Tornado Gr1.He let us under the barrier and began a complete tour of the aircraft.Utter heaven to a pair of keen lads like us.And as if by magic a WO appears-' Sir nobody behind the barrier.You know that'.Pilot looks sheepish and at his feet then replies 'er yeah.ok'.As soon as WO is out of sight he called us back under the barrier and said 'right he's f %&cked off now we'll carry on '.
What a miserable git-the WO !
I was an ATC cadet on a summer camp and was lucky enough to be there for the airshow.Plodding around we got chatting to the pilot of the static Tornado Gr1.He let us under the barrier and began a complete tour of the aircraft.Utter heaven to a pair of keen lads like us.And as if by magic a WO appears-' Sir nobody behind the barrier.You know that'.Pilot looks sheepish and at his feet then replies 'er yeah.ok'.As soon as WO is out of sight he called us back under the barrier and said 'right he's f %&cked off now we'll carry on '.
What a miserable git-the WO !