Military AviationA forum for the professionals who fly military hardware. Also for the backroom boys and girls who support the flying and maintain the equipment, and without whom nothing would ever leave the ground. All armies, navies and air forces of the world equally welcome here.
Old stuff, been done before. Here is the american version.
Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, all of our units
are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message
with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis,
and a number at which we can call you.
As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug,
marching up and down the streets of Washington DC, and compulsory
"Consideration of Others" training, we will return your call.
Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen
to the following numbers
* If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the United
States Marine Corps.
* If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good
hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high-altitude bombing
runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this
service is not available after 1630 hours or on weekends. Special
consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth
technology who can provide additional research and development funding.
* If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by some
grey funnels, with bunting and flags, and a really good marching band,
please write in advance to the United States Navy. Please be advised that
Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a
first-come, first-served basis. If your inquiry is not urgent, please press
3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.
* If you are in really hot trouble, press 4 and your call will be
routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. A compulsory
credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the TDY costs. Also
be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required
to tell you why, as it will be classified.
* If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at,
paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a
condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your butt off
daily, risking your life in all weather and terrain both day and night
while
watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on
the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter, passed-over
Army
recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.
Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the United
States Army.
