Nimrod War Stories
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The cat!!!
The infamous black cat did die but it was flattened by a car not the engineer and co of CXX/7. When we got back to the mess there were chalk outlines around stains on the carpet and a cat shaped outline outside one of the window!! The RAF plods believed we (the crew) had sacrificially dispatched the cat.... Certain members of the crew were interviewed by the RAF plods, completely surreal. The story how the cat got into the mess was classic kipper fleet, when the Eng was asked how the Cat got on the base he said ' me and B--cy tabbed it over the wall' . was it dead?' yep, it was that stiff you could comb your hair with it' It ended up with the the Co getting moved off the crew the Eng getting a slapped wrist (and a cleaning bill), and 5 others including me getting interviewed and a warning. Memories are definitely made of this!!
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Re the above...
I was in the Sgts Mess having lunch with blankety blank.
Tannoy..."emergency state 2, Nimrod aircraft, blah blah POB, undercarriage problem..on finals."
Blankety Blank. "Boring. Always state 2...how about a state one for once."
About 2 seconds later...
Tannoy "emergency state one, Nimrod crashed on the runway"
How red did blankety blank go?
I was in the Sgts Mess having lunch with blankety blank.
Tannoy..."emergency state 2, Nimrod aircraft, blah blah POB, undercarriage problem..on finals."
Blankety Blank. "Boring. Always state 2...how about a state one for once."
About 2 seconds later...
Tannoy "emergency state one, Nimrod crashed on the runway"
How red did blankety blank go?
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DaveJB
"I think the average IQ of a Nimrod crew was probably pretty high,"
I was the least qualified person (educationally!) on the crew, and I was the skipper.
About Afg/Iraq stories.
I seem to recall a dit about a certain co-pilot's beret that is currently adorning some local tribesman in Afg?
And the tale of the arrival of one of the first MR2s into Basra (as told to me by one of the crew) after it had been declared 'safe', shortly followed by the crew taking cover under the tables in the airport lounge as the rounds landed always made me giggle. It was the matter of fact manner in which he described all hell breaking loose.
Hearing these old stories, sometimes for the umpteenth time, is good medicine for a broken heart. It will never totally mend but the pain is eased.
I was the least qualified person (educationally!) on the crew, and I was the skipper.
About Afg/Iraq stories.
I seem to recall a dit about a certain co-pilot's beret that is currently adorning some local tribesman in Afg?
And the tale of the arrival of one of the first MR2s into Basra (as told to me by one of the crew) after it had been declared 'safe', shortly followed by the crew taking cover under the tables in the airport lounge as the rounds landed always made me giggle. It was the matter of fact manner in which he described all hell breaking loose.
Hearing these old stories, sometimes for the umpteenth time, is good medicine for a broken heart. It will never totally mend but the pain is eased.
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SFO
The beret plot is indeed a true story - and resulted from a clash between the old culture (in which aircrew looked like aircrew), and the new nonsense of everyone having to look like an infantry "grunt" regardless of the fact that you might be in an office, flying an anti-submarine airliner, or cooking dinner for the hungry masses 1000 miles from the front line.
Dcember 2001, and 206/3 under the leadership of Sqn Ldr K**** P***, were despatched via BA Club Class to finally terrorise the Taleban into submission.
I was substituted in as P1, and as an "old school" FTRS geezer the captain and I had issues with the enthusiasm with which the young thrusting P2 had swallowed the whole gung-ho Americanised version of modern warfare. We therefore insisted on being officer-like and continued to wear our SD caps while decrying berets at every opportunity. fed up of having the p*** taken and being accused of being old farts (though to be fair, we were old farts even then), we hatched a suitable revenge with the connivance of our naval observer Nav 1, and indeed the rest of the crew.
Said P2's beret was removed from his headset bag and taped to the inside rear of a bomb door during the walk-round. Two hours later, over a secret desert airfield in another Stan just south of A*****stan, I asked the P2 to cycle the bomb doors to meet an engineering requirement - which he immediately did without question (clearly not thinking it an odd thing to do at FL260 at night over land).
As soon as the rumble was felt through the airframe - our dark blue colleague called "Co - note down this Lat and Long" and reeled off the numbers. When asked why, the response was " Because that's where your f****** beret is!"
The resultant sulk lasted for days.
Dcember 2001, and 206/3 under the leadership of Sqn Ldr K**** P***, were despatched via BA Club Class to finally terrorise the Taleban into submission.
I was substituted in as P1, and as an "old school" FTRS geezer the captain and I had issues with the enthusiasm with which the young thrusting P2 had swallowed the whole gung-ho Americanised version of modern warfare. We therefore insisted on being officer-like and continued to wear our SD caps while decrying berets at every opportunity. fed up of having the p*** taken and being accused of being old farts (though to be fair, we were old farts even then), we hatched a suitable revenge with the connivance of our naval observer Nav 1, and indeed the rest of the crew.
Said P2's beret was removed from his headset bag and taped to the inside rear of a bomb door during the walk-round. Two hours later, over a secret desert airfield in another Stan just south of A*****stan, I asked the P2 to cycle the bomb doors to meet an engineering requirement - which he immediately did without question (clearly not thinking it an odd thing to do at FL260 at night over land).
As soon as the rumble was felt through the airframe - our dark blue colleague called "Co - note down this Lat and Long" and reeled off the numbers. When asked why, the response was " Because that's where your f****** beret is!"
The resultant sulk lasted for days.
Oh dear oh dear oh bl**dy dear..
....do you not understand, course profile, that it is the RULE that the reason for a co-pilots existence is to be the butt of crew jokettes. String into bottom of paper cup, tea bag sandwich, CAMBS bouy stowed neatly in the bottom of the HUGE aircrew holdall that he had to hold his g-suit (before he was chopped from the FJ course) which he has retained so that others may know he was once destined for "better" things and that the Air Sec (or whatever he's called today) will finally come to his senses and send him to where he REALLY belongs??
It's known as character building.
The Ancient Mariner
PS Yes, we old farts can have monumental sulks too; I've had some brammers. Mea culpa mea maxima culpa. Not bad for a presbyterian,eh?
It's known as character building.
The Ancient Mariner
PS Yes, we old farts can have monumental sulks too; I've had some brammers. Mea culpa mea maxima culpa. Not bad for a presbyterian,eh?
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course profile
Firstly - it was rossian and not me who replied to your earlier post. Secondly, it was we "old farts" who were (probably rightly) the recipients of the mickey taking, so we decided to retaliate gently. The events sparked off a lot of banter, not to mention further mild escalation of events (ie, the co-pilot sawing most of the way through the legs legs of the skipper's camp bed) to everybody's amusement. As for the inter crew war of the wailing minaret alarm clocks - that's another story altogether.
These sorts of things kept everybody sane and motivated in potentially difficult circumstances. I now work as a trainer in a civil environment, and I would not dream of doing that sort of thing, because in the airline world people simply would not know how to take it, and would be understandably upset and offended.
In the military, these things happened between colleagues and friends, where "wind ups" and banter were part of the deal. The "victim" in my story is an excellent guy who could give as good as he got. There is a big difference between this sort of thing and bullying the weak and defenceless.
These sorts of things kept everybody sane and motivated in potentially difficult circumstances. I now work as a trainer in a civil environment, and I would not dream of doing that sort of thing, because in the airline world people simply would not know how to take it, and would be understandably upset and offended.
In the military, these things happened between colleagues and friends, where "wind ups" and banter were part of the deal. The "victim" in my story is an excellent guy who could give as good as he got. There is a big difference between this sort of thing and bullying the weak and defenceless.
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Remember a time when the crew (either 42 crew 5 or CXX crew 9) (almost one of the same after St Mawgan closed) became "Melchester United" to get into a private club somewhere in the med (Catania not sure now). Given free drinks all night!! Did tip the barman handsomely the next night as he asked us how long we had been a Premier League Football club?? As he had not quite heard of us!!
Also remember the night a certain wet man tried to set fire to the 'Hessian International' whilst walking home from a night of 'sasparella' and 'Mexican hats'
Also remember the night a certain wet man tried to set fire to the 'Hessian International' whilst walking home from a night of 'sasparella' and 'Mexican hats'
I do think that......
......course profile has had an irony bypass, retrosgone.
Perhaps I should have included an icon or two so that the intent was clear.
Oh dear I suppose I'd better go and sit in the naughty step now.
The Ancient Mariner
Perhaps I should have included an icon or two so that the intent was clear.
Oh dear I suppose I'd better go and sit in the naughty step now.
The Ancient Mariner
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Course Profile
Lighten up a little, my friend. Perhaps you should cancel your subscription to all those Health & Safety/Political Correctness magazines, and get out a bit more?
Be advised that banter/mickey-taking/jolly japes have always been one of the principal fuels upon which the RAF runs, and are often the only source of light relief in trying situations. Anybody who has ever donned HM uniform will be aware of this; have you?
HB (ex-Kipper Fleet)
Lighten up a little, my friend. Perhaps you should cancel your subscription to all those Health & Safety/Political Correctness magazines, and get out a bit more?
Be advised that banter/mickey-taking/jolly japes have always been one of the principal fuels upon which the RAF runs, and are often the only source of light relief in trying situations. Anybody who has ever donned HM uniform will be aware of this; have you?
HB (ex-Kipper Fleet)
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course_profile,
If you knew retrosgone as well as the rest of us you would not be as quick to judge. He was a very respected Pilot and QFi within the Nimrod fleet.
retrosgone ,
bumped into said Co last year in Sleaford Tesco. He had made the dizzy hights of Sqn Ldr (I know hard to believe lol
) He had just PVR'd.
I remember waking up one morning to find all the roller track around the tent had been taken up in the night due to several buried clocks going off. The rest of the crew had spent most of the night digging them up. I had slept through the lot. Always did like my sleep.
Stand-in Air Eng 206/2 Dec 01
(edited to correct rossian to retrosgone)
If you knew retrosgone as well as the rest of us you would not be as quick to judge. He was a very respected Pilot and QFi within the Nimrod fleet.
retrosgone ,
bumped into said Co last year in Sleaford Tesco. He had made the dizzy hights of Sqn Ldr (I know hard to believe lol
) He had just PVR'd.
As for the inter crew war of the wailing minaret alarm clocks - that's another story altogether.
Stand-in Air Eng 206/2 Dec 01
(edited to correct rossian to retrosgone)
Last edited by Sideshow Bob; 13th Jul 2011 at 13:15.
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Sideshow Bob
I am shocked to hear that a Sqn Ldr Pilot is having to work part-time at Tesco Sleaford.
Small wonder then, that the PVR rate is so high.
Wouldn't have happened in my day, harrumph..............
HB
I am shocked to hear that a Sqn Ldr Pilot is having to work part-time at Tesco Sleaford.
Small wonder then, that the PVR rate is so high.
Wouldn't have happened in my day, harrumph..............
HB
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Course Profile.
Your public profile gives no clue as to your competence to comment on this forum. Perhaps you should read some of the threads which involve banter in the RAF. You can do that from home.
Perhaps the following explains banter. One of my colleagues, heavily ex-RAF and flying a bizjet based in Mexico, was asked by one of his co-workers, "Why are you so nasty to Pedro?" His answer was that it was because they LIKED Pedro.
Your public profile gives no clue as to your competence to comment on this forum. Perhaps you should read some of the threads which involve banter in the RAF. You can do that from home.
Perhaps the following explains banter. One of my colleagues, heavily ex-RAF and flying a bizjet based in Mexico, was asked by one of his co-workers, "Why are you so nasty to Pedro?" His answer was that it was because they LIKED Pedro.
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'course_profile has not made any friends yet' was the least surprising part of his frustratingly thin profile. It has GOT to be a wind-up. Hasn't it? People don't really think like that surely.
His post reminded me in a bizarre sort of way of those randon junk mails you receive from the Nigerian Lottery advising you that you had won a zillion squids - reasonable English until something unfathomable pops up like: 'the works moves on'.
If, by some miracle, it isnt a bit of banter in itself, I truly feel sorry for those still serving that have to work alongside people with this attitude.
Now, back to the Nigerian Lottery.....
His post reminded me in a bizarre sort of way of those randon junk mails you receive from the Nigerian Lottery advising you that you had won a zillion squids - reasonable English until something unfathomable pops up like: 'the works moves on'.
If, by some miracle, it isnt a bit of banter in itself, I truly feel sorry for those still serving that have to work alongside people with this attitude.
Now, back to the Nigerian Lottery.....
Sideshow Bob ahem...
...however flattered I may be by your elevation of me to the double winged master race; I am, in fact, a really old fart of an AEO. (Even older than R*b Fo***s, yes, that IS possible) but still quite a nice chap.
On a sadder note, just in the process of getting ready to go to Eric Hughs' funeral service in Elgin. Another of the good guys gone. His career spanned Canberras, Buccs and Nimrods and he was a stalwart for many years of the Kinloss Mountain Rescue Team.
The Ancient Mariner
and as for being a QFI?? rolls eyes.
On a sadder note, just in the process of getting ready to go to Eric Hughs' funeral service in Elgin. Another of the good guys gone. His career spanned Canberras, Buccs and Nimrods and he was a stalwart for many years of the Kinloss Mountain Rescue Team.
The Ancient Mariner
and as for being a QFI?? rolls eyes.
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Sideshow Bob
I am shocked to hear that a Sqn Ldr Pilot is having to work part-time at Tesco Sleaford.
Small wonder then, that the PVR rate is so high.
I am shocked to hear that a Sqn Ldr Pilot is having to work part-time at Tesco Sleaford.
Small wonder then, that the PVR rate is so high.
Wouldn't have happened in my day, harrumph..............
S%^t happens
but better to be getting on with and making the best of it
HBY_G (pvr 2008)
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however flattered I may be by your elevation of me to the double winged master race; I am, in fact, a really old fart of an AEO
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I am shocked to hear that a Sqn Ldr Pilot is having to work part-time at Tesco Sleaford.
BK, Ronny's or Pizz the Hut it is then !!
HH93
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My first sortie as newly qualified Nimrod QFI was night ccts with a ginger-haired WgCdr about to take over 206Sqn. The CFI is also on-board, so no pressure!
I demo the first cct and in the process pretty much forget to flare, so flustered was I by trying really hard not to look a complete arse in front of all these important people.
We roll from the ensuing crash and as I hand over to the 'stude', he comments "that was pretty rubbish (or words to that effect)". I mumble "yes Sir, it was" and wish the ground would open up.
Round we come for his first attempt, which he promptly tries to bury in the approach end of the runway. I can still hear the grunts of expelled air through gritted teeth from down the back.
Rolling checks, airborne, he hands back control to me, at which point I say " but not as rubbish as that!(or some other words to that effect)" He mumbles back, "Yes Sir"!!!
A thoroughly enjoyable 4 years teaching on the Mighy Rod followed.
Watching the DetCom (KR) get arrested at gunpoint in Elmas as he disembarked from the aircraft was quite funny.
SFO
I demo the first cct and in the process pretty much forget to flare, so flustered was I by trying really hard not to look a complete arse in front of all these important people.
We roll from the ensuing crash and as I hand over to the 'stude', he comments "that was pretty rubbish (or words to that effect)". I mumble "yes Sir, it was" and wish the ground would open up.
Round we come for his first attempt, which he promptly tries to bury in the approach end of the runway. I can still hear the grunts of expelled air through gritted teeth from down the back.
Rolling checks, airborne, he hands back control to me, at which point I say " but not as rubbish as that!(or some other words to that effect)" He mumbles back, "Yes Sir"!!!
A thoroughly enjoyable 4 years teaching on the Mighy Rod followed.
Watching the DetCom (KR) get arrested at gunpoint in Elmas as he disembarked from the aircraft was quite funny.
SFO