Cynical?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: [loh-key-shuhn] 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence 2. a place or situation occupied
Age: 52
Posts: 238
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Cynical?
So the alert level goes up to severe for no real reason the week our former esteemed leader is due to testify to the Iraq enquiry?
Fancy that.
Fancy that.
Red On, Green On
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Between the woods and the water
Age: 24
Posts: 6,487
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes
on
2 Posts
Last week the French raised their security threat level from Run to Hide, and today it's gone up to "Sleep with the enemy" 
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "*!@:ed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath). New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "sh1t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Hat, coat, gone.
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "*!@:ed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath). New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "sh1t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Hat, coat, gone.
TSTK, for the Belgys ,I think running out of chips is just above that...
TSTK, for the Belgys ,I think running out of chips is just above that...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Outside the EU on a small Island
Age: 79
Posts: 529
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sorry to be boring, but it seems to be SIGINT
Otherwise I have ensured the cellar is clean and tidy, the freezer and fridge are well stocked, and I look forward to the population of GB telling this Gummit to fork off. Sadly I shall miss my postal vote, as I shall be abroad when the paperwork arrives.
Otherwise I have ensured the cellar is clean and tidy, the freezer and fridge are well stocked, and I look forward to the population of GB telling this Gummit to fork off. Sadly I shall miss my postal vote, as I shall be abroad when the paperwork arrives.
There is also the London Conference on the future of Afghanistan and Yemen this week. Plenty of VIPs, including Karzai, that Al Q would like to target.
Yemen meeting caused switch to 'severe' terror alert - Home News, UK - The Independent
US intelligence and London conference trigger new MI5 terror alert - Times Online
TJ
Yemen meeting caused switch to 'severe' terror alert - Home News, UK - The Independent
US intelligence and London conference trigger new MI5 terror alert - Times Online
TJ
The Scots raised their threat level from "*!@:ed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.
"Right! That jist aboot f$£%kin' tears it........"
On the Def Con scale that takes it to somewhere about Def Con level "minus 3". A major Donnybrook is about to kick off & no diplomatic efforts of any kind are effective at this point.
The Scots raised their threat level from "*!@:ed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.
Oh yes we do, there is a major misconception because the third level usually involves major carnage - so just pray you don't hear
"Right! That jist aboot f$£%kin' tears it........"
On the Def Con scale that takes it to somewhere about Def Con level "minus 3". A major Donnybrook is about to kick off & no diplomatic efforts of any kind are effective at this point.
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.
Oh yes we do, there is a major misconception because the third level usually involves major carnage - so just pray you don't hear
"Right! That jist aboot f$£%kin' tears it........"
On the Def Con scale that takes it to somewhere about Def Con level "minus 3". A major Donnybrook is about to kick off & no diplomatic efforts of any kind are effective at this point.
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Posts: 54
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
GORDON BROWN was visiting a Scottish primary school and he visited one of the classes.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
A little boy stood up and offered: ‘If ma best freen, wha lives on a fairm, is playin’ in the field an’ a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a ‘tragedy.’ ‘
‘No’, said Gordon – ‘that would be an accident’.
A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus kerryin’ fufty children drove ower a cliff, killing a’b’dy inside, that wid be a tragedy’
‘I’m afraid not’, explained Gordon – ‘that’s what we would called a “great loss” .
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room.
‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally, at the back of the room, wee Johnny raised his hand…
In a quiet voice he said:
‘If a plane kerryin’ you and Mr. Darling’ wis struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Gordon. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me and the class why that would be a tragedy?’
‘Weel,’ says wee Johnny ‘it his tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss….. and it probably widnae be a f*cking accident either!
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
A little boy stood up and offered: ‘If ma best freen, wha lives on a fairm, is playin’ in the field an’ a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a ‘tragedy.’ ‘
‘No’, said Gordon – ‘that would be an accident’.
A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus kerryin’ fufty children drove ower a cliff, killing a’b’dy inside, that wid be a tragedy’
‘I’m afraid not’, explained Gordon – ‘that’s what we would called a “great loss” .
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room.
‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally, at the back of the room, wee Johnny raised his hand…
In a quiet voice he said:
‘If a plane kerryin’ you and Mr. Darling’ wis struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Gordon. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me and the class why that would be a tragedy?’
‘Weel,’ says wee Johnny ‘it his tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss….. and it probably widnae be a f*cking accident either!
