Traditional Squadron Songs
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Ubiquitous (sp?) song heard in many forms and guises to the tune of the Shores of Montezuma
On the shores of Montezu-uuma
where the yanks have never been (TOUGH SH!T!)
stands a twelve foot zulu warior
who's been shagged by the Royal Marines.
We're the perverts of the na-aaa-tion
We're the c*nts you'll never see
We're a bunch of foul mouth baaa-aastards
We're *N* Reg AAC!
where N is an integer between 1 and 10
Also used by OTC's various.
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic HERD!
On the shores of Montezu-uuma
where the yanks have never been (TOUGH SH!T!)
stands a twelve foot zulu warior
who's been shagged by the Royal Marines.
We're the perverts of the na-aaa-tion
We're the c*nts you'll never see
We're a bunch of foul mouth baaa-aastards
We're *N* Reg AAC!
where N is an integer between 1 and 10
Also used by OTC's various.
------------------
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic HERD!
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How about we got married on Friday:
We got married on Friday,
Evryone says it was my day
But it seemed like a mile
As we walked down the eisle
Side by side
We had hardly been wed when
We got ready for bed then
Her teeth and her hair
She placed on the chair
Side by side
Then to my amazement
Out a glass eye did fall
Her arm, her leg, she took off
And placed up against the wall
(B-DUM-DUM-DUM)
This left me broken.... hearted
Most of my wife had de.......parted
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side
(Reprise..)
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side
Somebody make my rhubarb rise
My rhubarb refuses to rise
To its natural size
It's enormous in size
My Rhubarb refuses to rise
Cos, my baby don't love me
My baby don't love me
My baby don't love me no moooore
Somebody make my rhubarb rise
Da da da da dut Da! Tits!
Anyone from 208 remember the happy hour in cyprus with 56? Happy days....
We got married on Friday,
Evryone says it was my day
But it seemed like a mile
As we walked down the eisle
Side by side
We had hardly been wed when
We got ready for bed then
Her teeth and her hair
She placed on the chair
Side by side
Then to my amazement
Out a glass eye did fall
Her arm, her leg, she took off
And placed up against the wall
(B-DUM-DUM-DUM)
This left me broken.... hearted
Most of my wife had de.......parted
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side
(Reprise..)
So I slept on the chair
There was more of her there
Side by side
Somebody make my rhubarb rise
My rhubarb refuses to rise
To its natural size
It's enormous in size
My Rhubarb refuses to rise
Cos, my baby don't love me
My baby don't love me
My baby don't love me no moooore
Somebody make my rhubarb rise
Da da da da dut Da! Tits!
Anyone from 208 remember the happy hour in cyprus with 56? Happy days....
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820 NAS. HMS Invincible, immeadiately post Falklands fracas
PVA (Poor Visibility Approach)
To the tune "Yesterday"
PVA - the vis has come right down today
Now's the time the pilot start to pray
When he calls for a PVA.
Suddenly I can't see my hand in front of me
We're in zereo visibility
Wings says it's clearing rapidly.
He has got it wrong again
I should have known
Fuel is getting low
Here I go I'm on my own
PVA - No fog forecast at the brief today
That F****ing Met man isn't worth his pay
He said vis would be 20K
Suddenly - I hear voices that are dear to me
Words of wisdom coming fron the 'D'
Suggest you squawk Emergency
Pan Pan f***ing Pan I need help
And rapidly
Make foam - drop smoke floats
And please recover me...Oh mother
PVA - Now I'm well below my MLA
Mother looms out of the murky grey
If I ditch now it's not my day
Suddenly - Wheels touch down and I am here to stay
Oh I thank god for PVA
PVA (Poor Visibility Approach)
To the tune "Yesterday"
PVA - the vis has come right down today
Now's the time the pilot start to pray
When he calls for a PVA.
Suddenly I can't see my hand in front of me
We're in zereo visibility
Wings says it's clearing rapidly.
He has got it wrong again
I should have known
Fuel is getting low
Here I go I'm on my own
PVA - No fog forecast at the brief today
That F****ing Met man isn't worth his pay
He said vis would be 20K
Suddenly - I hear voices that are dear to me
Words of wisdom coming fron the 'D'
Suggest you squawk Emergency
Pan Pan f***ing Pan I need help
And rapidly
Make foam - drop smoke floats
And please recover me...Oh mother
PVA - Now I'm well below my MLA
Mother looms out of the murky grey
If I ditch now it's not my day
Suddenly - Wheels touch down and I am here to stay
Oh I thank god for PVA
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Falklands again - after the Squadron had rescued a Harrier driver.
Sung to 'Clementine'
1. In a liferaft off Port Stanley
Sat a Stovie cold and drab
He'd been shot down by a Rowland
What a stupid f***ing Crab
Chorus
Call 820
Launch a SeaKing
Came the cry from Wingsy Baby
Oh please bring my stovie back
2. All the Argies could not find him
'Cos his SARBE would not work
He'd forgot to tweek the volume
What a stupid f***ing berk
Chorus
3. So we went out there and we found him
'Cos we saw his flashing light
and he bought the boys a drinky
So this Crab's all f***ing right
Sung to 'Clementine'
1. In a liferaft off Port Stanley
Sat a Stovie cold and drab
He'd been shot down by a Rowland
What a stupid f***ing Crab
Chorus
Call 820
Launch a SeaKing
Came the cry from Wingsy Baby
Oh please bring my stovie back
2. All the Argies could not find him
'Cos his SARBE would not work
He'd forgot to tweek the volume
What a stupid f***ing berk
Chorus
3. So we went out there and we found him
'Cos we saw his flashing light
and he bought the boys a drinky
So this Crab's all f***ing right
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EESDL
Doogie Howser! I heard he making a nuisance of himself in somewhere hot and sandy, oft famed for it's oily stuff.
They come over to Ireland just for a swan once or twice a year, da da da da
Stealing all the furniture and breaking the glass,
They get pissed and fall on their arse,
They go to bed early, just when it's free,
They're
EESDL..........HELP mind block
Doogie Howser! I heard he making a nuisance of himself in somewhere hot and sandy, oft famed for it's oily stuff.
They come over to Ireland just for a swan once or twice a year, da da da da
Stealing all the furniture and breaking the glass,
They get pissed and fall on their arse,
They go to bed early, just when it's free,
They're
EESDL..........HELP mind block
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Sorry, but somebody will have to help me with this - memory fade and all that.
The chorus goes:
She had a dark and a roving eye
And a whiizz-bang up her jacksie
Singing hey-back, ho-back, come and get your money back
Let's have a ride on Liza.
Old soldiers never die, they only lose their balls.
Verse:
The first in line was the Admiral's wife
Dressed up all in green
And in one corner of her c*** she had a submarine
She had a submarine my boys
The conning tower complete
And in the other corner she had half the f***ing fleet
CHORUS
The next in line was the cricketer's wife
Dressed up all in vermilion
And in one corner of her c***
She had the Lord's pavilion
She had the Lord's pavilion boys
The wicket and the bails
And in the other corner ???????????
CHORUS
The next in line was the etc etc etc
HELP PLEEEEEEEZE!!!
The chorus goes:
She had a dark and a roving eye
And a whiizz-bang up her jacksie
Singing hey-back, ho-back, come and get your money back
Let's have a ride on Liza.
Old soldiers never die, they only lose their balls.
Verse:
The first in line was the Admiral's wife
Dressed up all in green
And in one corner of her c*** she had a submarine
She had a submarine my boys
The conning tower complete
And in the other corner she had half the f***ing fleet
CHORUS
The next in line was the cricketer's wife
Dressed up all in vermilion
And in one corner of her c***
She had the Lord's pavilion
She had the Lord's pavilion boys
The wicket and the bails
And in the other corner ???????????
CHORUS
The next in line was the etc etc etc
HELP PLEEEEEEEZE!!!
Guest
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Blue Danube,
For your edification,The Sexual Life of a Camel, verses two and three:
In the story of syphilisation
From the anthropoid apes down to Man,
It is commonly held that the Navy
Has b******d whatever it can.
But more recent extensive researches
By Darwin and Huxley and Hoyle
Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog
Has never been b******d at all.
Why haven't they done it at Spithead,
As they've done it at Harvard and Yale,
And also at Oxford and Cambridge
By shaving the spines off its tail?
(Chorus "We're all queers together etc etc)
For your edification,The Sexual Life of a Camel, verses two and three:
In the story of syphilisation
From the anthropoid apes down to Man,
It is commonly held that the Navy
Has b******d whatever it can.
But more recent extensive researches
By Darwin and Huxley and Hoyle
Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog
Has never been b******d at all.
Why haven't they done it at Spithead,
As they've done it at Harvard and Yale,
And also at Oxford and Cambridge
By shaving the spines off its tail?
(Chorus "We're all queers together etc etc)
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Blue Danube - ...and the first verse ..
The sexual life of the camel
is greater than anyone thinks
for in one of it's amorous moments
it tried to make love to the Sphinx
But the Sphinx's posterior passage
was blocked by the sands of the Nile -
which accounts for the hump on the camel
and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile !!
Can't ever recall it being sung, mind you. It was more a case of declaiming, as in poetry...... such beautiful poetry
The sexual life of the camel
is greater than anyone thinks
for in one of it's amorous moments
it tried to make love to the Sphinx
But the Sphinx's posterior passage
was blocked by the sands of the Nile -
which accounts for the hump on the camel
and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile !!
Can't ever recall it being sung, mind you. It was more a case of declaiming, as in poetry...... such beautiful poetry
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Talking of beautiful poetry:
The portions of the female
Which appeal to man's depravity
Are fashioned with considerable care.
And what appears at first to be just a simple cavity
Is really an elaborate affair.
There's the vulva, the vagina,
And the good old perineum,
And the hymen (that is sometimes found in brides)
The labia majora and the labia minora
The clitoris and god knows what besides.
So what a shame it is then,
That when common people utter
of these mysteries to which I have referred,
They always seem to sink into the language of the gutter
And use such a short- and nasty - little word!
(Anon,but thought to be by Noel Coward)
The portions of the female
Which appeal to man's depravity
Are fashioned with considerable care.
And what appears at first to be just a simple cavity
Is really an elaborate affair.
There's the vulva, the vagina,
And the good old perineum,
And the hymen (that is sometimes found in brides)
The labia majora and the labia minora
The clitoris and god knows what besides.
So what a shame it is then,
That when common people utter
of these mysteries to which I have referred,
They always seem to sink into the language of the gutter
And use such a short- and nasty - little word!
(Anon,but thought to be by Noel Coward)
Guest
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Also by A P Herbert, I believe:-
The Ballad of Eskimo Nell
When you're growing old and your balls go cold
And the end of your knob turns blue....etc etc.
I stop there, not out of prudery, but because it is all too close to home!
------------------
presto digitate
The Ballad of Eskimo Nell
When you're growing old and your balls go cold
And the end of your knob turns blue....etc etc.
I stop there, not out of prudery, but because it is all too close to home!
------------------
presto digitate
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Some alternative verses:
Oh the sexual life of a bullfrog
Is difficult to comprehend
At the height of the mating seasons
It licks the arse of a friend
But the arse of another bullfrog
Is full of foul waters and slime
Which accounts for the croak of the bullfrog
And why it goes Bluuuaaarh
All the time
Oh the sexual life of a Rhino
Is the difficult for man to suppose
At the height of the mating season
It grows a horn at the end of its nose
But the pleasure this brings to the female
As up to her backside he runs
Is offeset by the fact that the Rhino
Weighs just over 25 tons
Oh the sexual life of an Ostrich
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It buries its head in the sand
When along comes the male of the species
And sees the arse stuck in the air
Doesn't know if its male or female
And frankly I don't think it cares
Oh the sexual life of a blunty
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It has hairs on the palms of its hand
For the mit of a blunty is hairy
From pulling its pud all day long
Which is why we think you're all w**kers
And takes the p*ss with this song
Oh the sexual life of a bullfrog
Is difficult to comprehend
At the height of the mating seasons
It licks the arse of a friend
But the arse of another bullfrog
Is full of foul waters and slime
Which accounts for the croak of the bullfrog
And why it goes Bluuuaaarh
All the time
Oh the sexual life of a Rhino
Is the difficult for man to suppose
At the height of the mating season
It grows a horn at the end of its nose
But the pleasure this brings to the female
As up to her backside he runs
Is offeset by the fact that the Rhino
Weighs just over 25 tons
Oh the sexual life of an Ostrich
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It buries its head in the sand
When along comes the male of the species
And sees the arse stuck in the air
Doesn't know if its male or female
And frankly I don't think it cares
Oh the sexual life of a blunty
Is difficult to understand
At the height of the mating season
It has hairs on the palms of its hand
For the mit of a blunty is hairy
From pulling its pud all day long
Which is why we think you're all w**kers
And takes the p*ss with this song
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Back to the top, in response to a query
Side by side is on Page 5
Shaibah Blues is on page one, third post
Another version of Shaibah Blues found by google
THOSE SHAIBAH BLUES
A little piece of mhutti fell from out the sky one day,
It fell into the Persian Gulf not many miles away.
And when Lord Trenchard saw it there it looked so bleak and bare,
He said “That’s what we’re looking for – we’ll put our Air Force there”.
So – they sent out river gunboats, armoured cars and A.H.Q.
And then they put our squadron right in that maknoon blue.
Oh, peechi, I’ll be going to a land that’s far remote,
Until that day you’ll hear me say,
“Roll on that maknoon boat!”.
Chorus
I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues,
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.
Oh, I’ve been sitting here for close upon two year,
And I wish I were in my coffin underground.
I’ve tried to learn the lingo, but it’s fairly got my goat,
The only thing that I can say’s “Roll on the maknoon boat!”
I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.
Yellow Ribbon Foundation - War Poetry
Side by side is on Page 5
Shaibah Blues is on page one, third post
Another version of Shaibah Blues found by google
THOSE SHAIBAH BLUES
A little piece of mhutti fell from out the sky one day,
It fell into the Persian Gulf not many miles away.
And when Lord Trenchard saw it there it looked so bleak and bare,
He said “That’s what we’re looking for – we’ll put our Air Force there”.
So – they sent out river gunboats, armoured cars and A.H.Q.
And then they put our squadron right in that maknoon blue.
Oh, peechi, I’ll be going to a land that’s far remote,
Until that day you’ll hear me say,
“Roll on that maknoon boat!”.
Chorus
I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues,
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.
Oh, I’ve been sitting here for close upon two year,
And I wish I were in my coffin underground.
I’ve tried to learn the lingo, but it’s fairly got my goat,
The only thing that I can say’s “Roll on the maknoon boat!”
I’ve got those Shaibah Blues, Shaibah Blues
I’m fed up and I’m tired and I’m old.
Yellow Ribbon Foundation - War Poetry
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Sung frequently at Gutersloh in Lightning days... to the tune of "The man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo".. Penned by Tex Jones .. I can only remember the first verse; anyone got all of it?
As I fly above the trailing height at thirty thousand feet,
The engines looking sweet, blowing cold upon my feet,
I can see a 19 Sqn trail,
I'll soon be on the bastard's tail,
I'm from Ninety-Two and I'm a fighter pilot...
TP
As I fly above the trailing height at thirty thousand feet,
The engines looking sweet, blowing cold upon my feet,
I can see a 19 Sqn trail,
I'll soon be on the bastard's tail,
I'm from Ninety-Two and I'm a fighter pilot...
TP
Oh, the sexual life of a camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to b+gger the Sphynx.
But the Spynx's posterior orifice
Is filled with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphynx's inscrutable smile!
Anyone ex 101 remember the VC10 song, I find it hard to recall.
Dunhovrin - good to see you back on these hallowed forums. PM me as I have finally found that picture of you with the chicken!
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to b+gger the Sphynx.
But the Spynx's posterior orifice
Is filled with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphynx's inscrutable smile!
Anyone ex 101 remember the VC10 song, I find it hard to recall.
Dunhovrin - good to see you back on these hallowed forums. PM me as I have finally found that picture of you with the chicken!
Dan - do you mean the "VC10s are rocket ships, they are flown by red hot sh*ts" one I nicked from my Phantom days - and which we adopted back in about 1984?