Brussels sprouts banned from warship
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Well, Lincolnshire
Age: 69
Posts: 1,101
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I think I may have posted this before. Ah, what the hell.
Lossie, late 80's.
USAF bombing range out of commission for whatever.
Two F1-11 'Lootenant' Colonels pitch up for a recce of Tain Range.
Muggins is delegated to host.
Recce completed, RTB to Lossie for Dinner and washup.
At Dinner, Brussels Sprouts on the scoff card.
"Say, Taxydual" says one of the Lootenant Colonels "What are these Brussel Sprouts?"
"Oh" says I "They are similar to small cabbages".
"Ah" says he, having tasted one, "Maybe we should bomb the Brussel Sprout fields instead".
Lossie, late 80's.
USAF bombing range out of commission for whatever.
Two F1-11 'Lootenant' Colonels pitch up for a recce of Tain Range.
Muggins is delegated to host.
Recce completed, RTB to Lossie for Dinner and washup.
At Dinner, Brussels Sprouts on the scoff card.
"Say, Taxydual" says one of the Lootenant Colonels "What are these Brussel Sprouts?"
"Oh" says I "They are similar to small cabbages".
"Ah" says he, having tasted one, "Maybe we should bomb the Brussel Sprout fields instead".
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 1,771
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Is it even within the Captain's power to make such a decree ?
I'd have thought / hoped the Navy has spent a bit of time & money with nutristionists and worked out a fairly standard diet / ships provisions, and there may well be some ancient regulation about tampering with the crews' health.
I agree with Beagle, the berk has sentenced himself to a lifetime of sprouts, if I was his c/o I'd invite him round and serve nothing else, then find what he does !
I'd have thought / hoped the Navy has spent a bit of time & money with nutristionists and worked out a fairly standard diet / ships provisions, and there may well be some ancient regulation about tampering with the crews' health.
I agree with Beagle, the berk has sentenced himself to a lifetime of sprouts, if I was his c/o I'd invite him round and serve nothing else, then find what he does !
I am absolutely appalled! Has the man got no sense of shame? No, not the piffling matter of the "Devil's Vegetable - Good Heavens, after all he's got a three-stripe Commander Logistics to look after things such as vegetables whilst he gets on with the more serious matters such as bringing his ship up to the highest degree of operational effectiveness!
No, it really is much more serious than that - I just cannot believe that a four-stripe Captain in the Royal Navy is actually called "Wayne"! What were Their Lordships thinking about, promoting a chap with a name like that? I know, I know, there are masses of very pleasant fellows out there called Wayne. I even know some myself, and I unreservedly apologise to anyone on this excellent forum whom I do appreciate I may have offended , but I am talking about a Service in which a promotion board not that many years ago gave very serious consideration to the matter of whether an officer named "Jeffrey" with a "J", as opposed to "Geoffrey" with a "G" was truly fit for promotion to Commander - so sorry Lord Archer ....
Getting back on track, I can just see Commander L's face when he realises that, if he's to get a half decent promotion report, some unfortunate Royal Fleet Auxiliary is now doomed to roam the Seven Seas with an increasingly rotten cargo of Brussel sprouts, a latter day "Flying Dutchman" - or should it be "Flying Belgian"? Is Captain Wayne Keble - there, I've said it, although I tend to prefer the anagram version, Tiny Peaceable W*nk - really so against Brussel sprouts, or is he simply an undercover member of the BNP (Brussels Negative Party)? I think we should be told, - certainly before BULWARK's ship's company go down with scurvy!
Jack
PS Thoroughly agree with Sycamore and Double Zero - you can't make fools of the Navy of today - they seem to do it themselves all too easily
PPS My real Christian name? Sorry, chaps, if I told you, I'd have to kill you!
No, it really is much more serious than that - I just cannot believe that a four-stripe Captain in the Royal Navy is actually called "Wayne"! What were Their Lordships thinking about, promoting a chap with a name like that? I know, I know, there are masses of very pleasant fellows out there called Wayne. I even know some myself, and I unreservedly apologise to anyone on this excellent forum whom I do appreciate I may have offended , but I am talking about a Service in which a promotion board not that many years ago gave very serious consideration to the matter of whether an officer named "Jeffrey" with a "J", as opposed to "Geoffrey" with a "G" was truly fit for promotion to Commander - so sorry Lord Archer ....
Getting back on track, I can just see Commander L's face when he realises that, if he's to get a half decent promotion report, some unfortunate Royal Fleet Auxiliary is now doomed to roam the Seven Seas with an increasingly rotten cargo of Brussel sprouts, a latter day "Flying Dutchman" - or should it be "Flying Belgian"? Is Captain Wayne Keble - there, I've said it, although I tend to prefer the anagram version, Tiny Peaceable W*nk - really so against Brussel sprouts, or is he simply an undercover member of the BNP (Brussels Negative Party)? I think we should be told, - certainly before BULWARK's ship's company go down with scurvy!
Jack
PS Thoroughly agree with Sycamore and Double Zero - you can't make fools of the Navy of today - they seem to do it themselves all too easily
PPS My real Christian name? Sorry, chaps, if I told you, I'd have to kill you!
As Sarah Kennedy fans on Radio 2 will already know; it is too late to start cooking your sprouts for Christmas dinner 2009. We should have all started cooking them well before Easter.
Just keep topping up the water.
Mind you, finely shreaded and stir fried with a bit of garlic and ginger.......
Just keep topping up the water.
Mind you, finely shreaded and stir fried with a bit of garlic and ginger.......
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: at the end of the bar
Posts: 484
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 1,771
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well Captain Queeg could have one of his unfortunate crew fire them with a catapult, and see if the Goalkeeper locked on...
On second thoughts no, sounds like he'd get some dubious pleasure that way.
On second thoughts no, sounds like he'd get some dubious pleasure that way.
Does anyone out there know how to shread a sprout?
Smash cold leftover sprouts into a green sludge with a potato masher, then add a few onion flakes, a little grated cheddar and ground black pepper and mix with cold mashed potato. Then fry the whole lot together with a knob of butter to make great bubble-and-squeak which goes well with a rich steak and ale pie in wintertime*! Accompanied by a pint of Old Specky Hen - superb!
*it do make I fart somethin' horrid though!
..... it do make I fart somethin' horrid though!
But BEagle, how would we notice the difference? Only kidding, but further proof that this thread is a lot of hot air and really ought to be in Jet Blast - for more than one reason! Actually it is in Jet Blast as well!
Jack
But BEagle, how would we notice the difference?
Only kidding, but further proof that this thread is a lot of hot air and really ought to be in Jet Blast - for more than one reason! Actually it is in Jet Blast as well!Jack
How does one send mail to one of HM's little grey war canoes?
I can't help but think that a few copies of The Sprout Book: A Celebration of the Humble Brussels Sprout (Hardcover) by Tess Read (ISBN 978-1-84317-290-1) should be sent to the barking boat driver. Only £7 from that well-known 'Brazilian river' on-line web emporium!
I can't help but think that a few copies of The Sprout Book: A Celebration of the Humble Brussels Sprout (Hardcover) by Tess Read (ISBN 978-1-84317-290-1) should be sent to the barking boat driver. Only £7 from that well-known 'Brazilian river' on-line web emporium!
Red On, Green On
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Between the woods and the water
Age: 24
Posts: 6,487
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes
on
2 Posts
How does one send mail to one of HM's little grey war canoes?
HMS Bulwark
BFPO 243
Go for it BEags - we dare you
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Exiled in England
Age: 48
Posts: 1,015
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I see your dare and raise a double dare with a cherry.....I go so far as to fart in your general direction, sir, if'm you'se ain't got the cojones.
All farts have been confirmed to be sprout free ( they are bad enough without them thanks)
In the film, Captain Queeg was played by Humphrey Bogart (brilliant!). Any suggestions to play the mad Captain Keble?
By the way, is Wayne a senior officer's name? I thought Glenn was bad enough
the catering Officer who banned baked beans because they weren't "an Officer's vegetable".
By the way, is Wayne a senior officer's name? I thought Glenn was bad enough
Join Date: May 2006
Location: 2 m South of Radstock VRP
Posts: 2,042
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
News breaking in the wind; MoD made a right meal out of our Brussels sprouts ban exclusive
I believe the Janner Daily is a day late in revealing that, though; but they do think the original story was true.
Through the MoD he said he had simply banned sprouts from his own plate. He insisted that was not the whole warship – and that the rest of the crew were welcome to eat sprouts on board.
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 1,777
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Captain can do what he likes aboard his war canoe - he IS God.
But, he has made a pratt of hisself; however, it won't be a career stopper because the powers that be know a slow news day when they see it.
Beags, gowan, gowan, gowan - you know you want to do it!
But, he has made a pratt of hisself; however, it won't be a career stopper because the powers that be know a slow news day when they see it.
Beags, gowan, gowan, gowan - you know you want to do it!