RAF Police threaten civilian with FPN off camp!!
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There is nothing worse that an over enthusiastic young officer plod, I fear now and again one gets through the training without heeding the advice which I am sure the staff pass on about playing it cool. In a certain East Anglian Tanker base some time ago there was such an idiot who rushed into the mess ante room at lunch time during a mini-val and 'bang bang' shot various people resting from their labours. After totally going over the top he was superbly put down by a very senior Flt Lt who sent him in the direction of off and told him to play somewhere else. Funny thing when the idiot went off station to an accident in his Land Rover and was told to go back on MOD property by the local cops or be prosecuted for illegal tyres the whole station knew about it very soon after.
How right you are (as always!), Arters!
At a famous Lincolnshire bomber base, a wet-behind-the-ears APM (A Police Man) decided that the most important policing task he could address within his massive experience was the 20 mph camp speed limit. This on a station whose roads were probably designed for Austin Sevens and the like...
So he enlisted the assistance of a reluctant Cpl Plod and paced out a measured distance along the main cart track throught the station. As a car passed the Cpl, said Cpl would wave a handkerchief and the APM would start his stopwatch. If the car passed him in less than (whatever) seconds, it would be a case of "Your nicked, son. Upagainstthemotah" in best mock-Sweeney tones.
He had, of course, forgotten about the devious ways of aircrew. Idiot child that he was.
So, one fine day, there was a screech of tyres and lots of smoke as a car passed the Cpl Plod. The Cpl waved his hankie in the approved manner, but the car (driven by a Vulcan co-pilot) came to a slow walking pace some moments before reaching the APM. The seconds ticked past until the average speed was less than 20 mph, whereupon the co-pilot continued on his merry way, pausing only to say "Morning, constable, lovely day isn't it" to the irate piglet.
Word of this filtered up through Sqn Cdr to Stn Cdr. Of the old school, he decided that A Word was needed...
"Ah, Plt Off XXXX, do come in. Don't sit down and do keep your hat on. Now, your job here is to guard my buckets of sunshine, not to piss people off! Do I make myself clear? Any questions? No - I thought not. Now f*ck off and do something useful. Goodbye!"
The 'speed trap' was never seen again!
At a famous Lincolnshire bomber base, a wet-behind-the-ears APM (A Police Man) decided that the most important policing task he could address within his massive experience was the 20 mph camp speed limit. This on a station whose roads were probably designed for Austin Sevens and the like...
So he enlisted the assistance of a reluctant Cpl Plod and paced out a measured distance along the main cart track throught the station. As a car passed the Cpl, said Cpl would wave a handkerchief and the APM would start his stopwatch. If the car passed him in less than (whatever) seconds, it would be a case of "Your nicked, son. Upagainstthemotah" in best mock-Sweeney tones.
He had, of course, forgotten about the devious ways of aircrew. Idiot child that he was.
So, one fine day, there was a screech of tyres and lots of smoke as a car passed the Cpl Plod. The Cpl waved his hankie in the approved manner, but the car (driven by a Vulcan co-pilot) came to a slow walking pace some moments before reaching the APM. The seconds ticked past until the average speed was less than 20 mph, whereupon the co-pilot continued on his merry way, pausing only to say "Morning, constable, lovely day isn't it" to the irate piglet.
Word of this filtered up through Sqn Cdr to Stn Cdr. Of the old school, he decided that A Word was needed...
"Ah, Plt Off XXXX, do come in. Don't sit down and do keep your hat on. Now, your job here is to guard my buckets of sunshine, not to piss people off! Do I make myself clear? Any questions? No - I thought not. Now f*ck off and do something useful. Goodbye!"
The 'speed trap' was never seen again!
Join Date: Apr 2004
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This reminds me of the old joke about what did the Rabbi do with the 'off-cuts'.
He said, we plant them, then after 18 years we harvest them and send them to RAF Newton (old Plod school).
Worth a chuckle, whilst not much of a plod 'knocker', many of them really DID deserve the 'acclaim' awarded for their behaviour. Many self-inflicted injuries.
He said, we plant them, then after 18 years we harvest them and send them to RAF Newton (old Plod school).
Worth a chuckle, whilst not much of a plod 'knocker', many of them really DID deserve the 'acclaim' awarded for their behaviour. Many self-inflicted injuries.
Fly Conventional Gear
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I understand that some RAF police are also enlisted as special constables with the local constabulary - which I suppose would enable them to exercise civilian police powers.
Join Date: Jun 2006
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I hear that the 'RAFP No Parking' cones have been removed from the lay-by outside the MGR at Cranditz. Was their placing there in the first place another incident of RAFP taking the law into their own mits?
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I understand that some RAF police are also enlisted as special constables with the local constabulary - which I suppose would enable them to exercise civilian police powers.
No doubt they'd rather swap a handful of RAFP Special constables for one PCSO or a couple of traffic cones. Why would they want to inflict RAFP on civpop?? They couldn't close a door let alone a case.
'RAFP No Parking' cones
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Shame on me, I mostly *liked* the RAFP I encountered. 
There are jobsworth idiots in every branch and trade. Like the Adj (Fg Off) who decided it would be a good idea to reinstate the "hats on for visitors in SHQ" rule. Like the Adj (Flt Lt) who became very possessive of certain types of chair. Like the Wg Cdr who developed an obsessive interest in cyclists dismounting over 2 yards of pavement between roadways. Yawwwwnnnn.....
Humour is the weapon. This RAFP chap deserves a little commemorative plaque with a miniature seatbelt affixed, in recognition of his services to road safety, or something like that. Might even encourage them to unwind a little.
Alternatively, stiff them when you get the chance....an extra pellet in the chamber during CCS, the most onerous secondary duties, etc....
There are jobsworth idiots in every branch and trade. Like the Adj (Fg Off) who decided it would be a good idea to reinstate the "hats on for visitors in SHQ" rule. Like the Adj (Flt Lt) who became very possessive of certain types of chair. Like the Wg Cdr who developed an obsessive interest in cyclists dismounting over 2 yards of pavement between roadways. Yawwwwnnnn.....
Humour is the weapon. This RAFP chap deserves a little commemorative plaque with a miniature seatbelt affixed, in recognition of his services to road safety, or something like that. Might even encourage them to unwind a little.
Alternatively, stiff them when you get the chance....an extra pellet in the chamber during CCS, the most onerous secondary duties, etc....
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I have heard on the grapevine that parking at Yeovilton has become a bit of an issue. Apparently, someone held a LEAN (CI) event which decided that it would be more efficient to stop people (apart from Civvies) parking next to the Sqdn building and making all the boys walk a mile to the nearest Carpark...??? Seems a bit odd....not sure if there is any truth in the matter.....anyone any ideas?
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Tonker! think you will find on most stations when you get a station pass, the orders generally state that as well as extra requlations regarding driving on that station, all other road traffic rules still apply! In otherwords, you should still wear a seatbelt.
However, as Isaneng pointed out al trades have "bankers" BUT is was the bloke in this case not an officer? are they not meant to be the "cream" of that trade?
I got stopped at the main gate at Shrivenham by the MOD Plods checked my vehicle pass and ID (I was on a motorcycle) then said "where is yr tax disc" politely told him to sod off it was nothing to do with him! I had signed the orders in passes and permits that states I have to have all relevant documentation to have the vehicle on the road legally, and was he accusing me of ignoring orders that I had signed!!
However, as Isaneng pointed out al trades have "bankers" BUT is was the bloke in this case not an officer? are they not meant to be the "cream" of that trade?
I got stopped at the main gate at Shrivenham by the MOD Plods checked my vehicle pass and ID (I was on a motorcycle) then said "where is yr tax disc" politely told him to sod off it was nothing to do with him! I had signed the orders in passes and permits that states I have to have all relevant documentation to have the vehicle on the road legally, and was he accusing me of ignoring orders that I had signed!!
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Hey Beags, remember the cocktail party at Scampton where the Chief Constibule of Lincs was an honoured guest? A couple of civi plods set themselves up on the A15 half a mile from the main gate towards Lincoln.
They watched for cars leaving the base and stopped them to check for booze. Word got back very rapidly to the Staish, who was downing pints with said Ch Const. Staish briefs Ch Const on what's going on - turns out that one of the plods was ex-mil and pissed off with his time in and decided that this was a great opportunity to get at the ossifers who he didn't like.
Said Ch Const apologised to the Staish and made a phone call. Patrol car vanished toot suite...
They watched for cars leaving the base and stopped them to check for booze. Word got back very rapidly to the Staish, who was downing pints with said Ch Const. Staish briefs Ch Const on what's going on - turns out that one of the plods was ex-mil and pissed off with his time in and decided that this was a great opportunity to get at the ossifers who he didn't like.
Said Ch Const apologised to the Staish and made a phone call. Patrol car vanished toot suite...
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Quote:
I understand that some RAF police are also enlisted as special constables with the local constabulary - which I suppose would enable them to exercise civilian police powers.
Actually it all depends on the status of the RAF Police, (which I don't know but I'm sure someone will enlighten me, shortly) - If they take the oath of a Constable, then they do have legal powers of arrest and control of the public given to the officer directly by a sworn oath and warrant, just like civilain police. If, however, they are just folk employed in the "police" branch of the RAF then they have about as much authority over the civilian population as anyone else in a blue suit i.e. not a lot.
I understand that some RAF police are also enlisted as special constables with the local constabulary - which I suppose would enable them to exercise civilian police powers.
Actually it all depends on the status of the RAF Police, (which I don't know but I'm sure someone will enlighten me, shortly) - If they take the oath of a Constable, then they do have legal powers of arrest and control of the public given to the officer directly by a sworn oath and warrant, just like civilain police. If, however, they are just folk employed in the "police" branch of the RAF then they have about as much authority over the civilian population as anyone else in a blue suit i.e. not a lot.
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MOD Plod do, in theory, have the same powers as a County Cop, if not the inumerable forms to actual process you for RTA offences! They should stick to bashing hippies.
God I hated the RAF Police..
1. Charged (dismissed) with conduct unbecoming for having the audacity to kiss my fiancee goodbye at the station gate - 1 kiss, not a long one, no tounges or anything.
2. Charged with having an unregistered vehicle on the station - contrary to SSO's, I was duty airman, and parked the motorcycle was on the civvy side of the barrier & guardroom. They produced a map showing that the actual station bounday was 20m outside of the gate. (ever get the feeling this may have been the response to 1.)
I salute you all. With two fingers.
1. Charged (dismissed) with conduct unbecoming for having the audacity to kiss my fiancee goodbye at the station gate - 1 kiss, not a long one, no tounges or anything.
2. Charged with having an unregistered vehicle on the station - contrary to SSO's, I was duty airman, and parked the motorcycle was on the civvy side of the barrier & guardroom. They produced a map showing that the actual station bounday was 20m outside of the gate. (ever get the feeling this may have been the response to 1.)
I salute you all. With two fingers.
Taking lessons from Inspector Clouseau
Bawdsey - mid-seventies - chief plod on moral high horse trying to prevent "consorting" between male and females. Has his troops hiding in the bushes outside the Deben Club trying to spot airmen heading off toward the WRAF lines for a bit of "lurving". Troops emerge from Naafi singing "Dawn Patrol" from Jungle Book. Feeling sorry for plod, chef from mess throws some mouldy bread into the bushes in case they're feeling peckish, 4 ma thinks they might want a drink so waters bush with fire hose - jobs a guddin! Staish thought it was only worth three days jankers 
Avoid imitations
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I take all folks as I find them. With one or two notable exceptions, the RAF police I came into contact during my 18 years in with were complete ***heads; forever trying to catch folk out.
I was: Pursued in Germany by two in a Range Rover with blues and twos, having been incorrectly and falsely accused by a third of driving on the wrong side of the road. I was in a UK registered civilian car. I was spoken to in a highly condescending manner, ordered out of my car and into theirs (I declined). I was breathalysed and found negative alcohol. Never seen two more disappointed looking coppers.
I was: Pursued by two in a Range Rover and given a ticket for what they said was an illegal towbar. It was a towbar manufactured by a mainstream UK company and the car had passed many MOTs and the RAFG BFG equivalent. They insisted the towball must be removed and the car re-inspected. I removed the towball there and then while they watched, turned it upside down and drove directly to the nearest RAF station (Gutersloh). I marched in to the guardroom and demanded to see the Duty Sergeant. The RAF policeman on the barrier came in and politely asked me why my towball was fitted upside down. I explained. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. I got the ticket signed, went outside and in front of the guardroom refitted the towball the right way up. Drove home, fitted my trailer the next day and went on holiday for a fortnight. Never had the same problem although I kept the car for three years longer.
I was: At a station football tournament at Gutersloh one Saturday and in the company of the Station Commander (Mike Stear). An RAF Policeman drove onto the site in his Landrover, immediately jumped out by the Staish's official car (a big shiny black one, complete with official flag flying) and proceeded to write a parking ticket which he then stuck on the windscreen. "WTF - Scuse ME"! said the Staish, marching over....
The young plod made the mistake of arguing. He quickly lost and was off the station by Monday.
Many other stories, unfortunately not many put the RAFP in a good light. Having said that, some of them were fine chaps. Sadly, it seemed that the rot washed down from the top of the pile in many cases.
I was: Pursued in Germany by two in a Range Rover with blues and twos, having been incorrectly and falsely accused by a third of driving on the wrong side of the road. I was in a UK registered civilian car. I was spoken to in a highly condescending manner, ordered out of my car and into theirs (I declined). I was breathalysed and found negative alcohol. Never seen two more disappointed looking coppers.
I was: Pursued by two in a Range Rover and given a ticket for what they said was an illegal towbar. It was a towbar manufactured by a mainstream UK company and the car had passed many MOTs and the RAFG BFG equivalent. They insisted the towball must be removed and the car re-inspected. I removed the towball there and then while they watched, turned it upside down and drove directly to the nearest RAF station (Gutersloh). I marched in to the guardroom and demanded to see the Duty Sergeant. The RAF policeman on the barrier came in and politely asked me why my towball was fitted upside down. I explained. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. I got the ticket signed, went outside and in front of the guardroom refitted the towball the right way up. Drove home, fitted my trailer the next day and went on holiday for a fortnight. Never had the same problem although I kept the car for three years longer.
I was: At a station football tournament at Gutersloh one Saturday and in the company of the Station Commander (Mike Stear). An RAF Policeman drove onto the site in his Landrover, immediately jumped out by the Staish's official car (a big shiny black one, complete with official flag flying) and proceeded to write a parking ticket which he then stuck on the windscreen. "WTF - Scuse ME"! said the Staish, marching over....
The young plod made the mistake of arguing. He quickly lost and was off the station by Monday.
Many other stories, unfortunately not many put the RAFP in a good light. Having said that, some of them were fine chaps. Sadly, it seemed that the rot washed down from the top of the pile in many cases.
