Pull up a sandbag ~ "I remember when..

[El_Presidente]

I'm just a wee snip of a lad compared to some, but...

I remember when you'd finish work at mid day in Akrotiri, hit Arabs at 1pm, back to the Mess for a sharpener at 5, before heading into Limi; not to be seen again until appearing at the front gate a 5am looking for a lift from the coppers back to the Mess, ready to start work at 7am...

And repeat once more...




These days it seems all they do is 'hit Arabs...'

[Airborne Aircrew]

Being pissed on by fruit bats outside the Camp Stack in Gan

<LOL>

Being pooped and peed on by Spider Monkeys close to Caracol Ruins in Belize a year or two after they were found... It took a while to work out what was going on since they were so far above us in the canopy.

A four ship slipping up the Belize river to attack APC just after dawn and racking up a total of twenty plus provable, (blood patches), birdstrikes... One ship had 9, mine had 5... Small birds, fortunately.

Walking into a souvenir shop in Limmasol just after lunch and leaving it 3 hours later, utterly legless on free Cockinelli (sp)... with a plaster of paris statuette of Athena...

[chiglet]

Joining on New Years Day 1963 at Swinderby, then being put on three days jankers......Two days later for "Unpressed No1, Unpressed Great Coat and Dirty Buttons [on both said items]"
I had had them 2 hours......
Hitch hiking in uniform. Once, an arctic stopped before the thumb went up [I was crossing a road] and he bought me lunch at the Transport Caff
Doing the Lyke Wake Walk, 'cos the Journos at the Hull Daily Mail challenged us. Wng Cdr "Tiger" Woods accepted......and we won
Being paid by a Flt Lt Lacey
Watching the FCTU beat up Patrington domestic site...flying below roof top height...and these were "chalet" type buildings
Setting a "World Record" for playing Dominoes non-stop for 48 hours, then being disqualifie for playing Yorkshire rules, not London ones Enlivend my an "Invigilating" WRAF Pilot Officer in civvies...wearin a Mini skirt and [just] tights underneath, and liked crossing and uncrossing her [long] legs
Then many years later, unashamedly crying, as I videoed my son passing out at RAF Hereford to the RAF March.
watp,iktch

[Samuel]

This is the most "laffalot" thread there is

Oh sweet nostalgia. We really did have a lot of humour Keep it up!

[Airborne Aircrew]

Oh sweet nostalgia. We really did have a lot of humour

And the funny part is that you can't make up most of this sh1t...

[Samuel]

Chuff charts at Eastleigh when the standard overseas posting was two and a half years, with no phone calls or e-mail.

30 Sqn Beverley doing a ten-wheel drift in the mud at Eastleigh, then claiming he was 'testing the surface'.

The numerous guys trying to convince the powers that be that they should be discharged because they were too eccentric to be 'in'.

Rocks from Khormaksar trying to make out with the WVS ladies who ran that leave camp at Mombasa. They were never that good looking fellas.

Inventory checks by junior officers who hadn't a clue what it was you showed them.

A kit inspection at Cottesmore when said officer inspected some items at least three times, having been passed along behind his back.

The Irishman who fell out of the upper floor barrack block window at Cottesmore, having opened it to take a leak. Fortunately too pi**ed to remember, and too relaxed to be injured.

"Fat Jack" , the Maori guy from 14 Sqn RNZAF who removed the juke box from the McGregor Club.

The cacophony made by chinese cymbalist who bounced off a funeral truck outside the gate at Tengah, and the Rocks who helped him to his feet!

The entertainment provided by the Rocks whenever they went into the Tengah Bar, which was often!

[dkh51250]

Trying to collect a full set of the girls on Tennants cans. Building walls out of the empty cans. Destroying the beer can walls of the oppositon.

[Al R]

• Burning junglies on the Sarawak border before leaving the jungle. ("Ohhh, don't worry, its just a precaution, nothing to fret about. Possible lurgies you understand").
• Eating rat stew caught by a smiling local tribesman (the tattoo rings around his neck indicated how many British squaddies he had once killed).
• Doing a combat swimming test in the South China Sea.
• Then being told by the MO that under no circumstances should we so much as dip our toes.. in the South China Sea.
• Being bumped up to First Class on the outgoing 747 while my boss was having a slash. I sent him back a small bottle of champagne with a remark about lonely it felt, what with all the albow and legroom.
• At Larkhill, and realising that the rat#rsed army WO2 talking to me was the man who had once locked me up, and who was now trying to remember the name of the rockape he had once locked up.
• Weekend block parties.
• Assuring a magnificently breasted WRAF that 'No, of course I'd rather watch you make us both home made Baileys Ice Cream than go out with the lads again. They can be a bit rowdy.. and, well.. I guess I've changed over the years thats all. You won't think any less of me will you?' and getting away with it by later achieving the objective.
• Track bashing CVR(T).
• Punishment runs around the parade square carrying 2 full water jerrycans.
• Having Cantonese Reindeer in Hell.
• Expecting Mick to chuckle when I told him that the mind damaging bleeping sound that he had been ranting about for 6 weeks and which we all claimed not to be able to hear was an almost dead fire alarm I secreted into the air con duct in his room.
• Wondering why Mick couldn't see the funny side if it.
• Hearing the crash alarm at Witt, looking out of the window near the threshold and remarking 'Don't be daft, how can it possibly be a Hurricane?'.
• Really, really wanting to jack it in on Basics.
• Realising that my mates did too.
• Helping each other through it, but not realising it at the time.
• Just being so proud when I collected my No1 with my mudguards and just smiled like a lunatic when I put them on in the tailor's shop there.
• When leaving the RAF, some dweeb in SHQ not even looking up and saying 'We've got a load of Jubilee medals in the safe left, do you still want one?'
• Brian Deeley (rest in peace, bless him) chewing me a new arsehole at Akrotiri, hitting the desk with his 36" ruler and it fragmenting. One of the pieces hitting him on the nose and the other landing on his beret. Him smirking and telling me to get out while the going was good.
• The 12SU Walkabout.
• On the FT, using my car as a locker to store 12 pressed shirts, 6 pairs of pressed OGs and 2 pairs of highly polished boots.
• Losing the key an hour before inspection.
• Cpl's Clubs
• The duty MT drivers picking you up because you'd pissed your taxi fare up against the wall.
• Service calls.
• Being told that excessive exposure to CS gas could cause short term memory loss but being relieved when assured by an MO that there was no evidence to support such a claim.
• Service calls.
• Good looking girls on GDT.
• A H&S twonk asking me if 7.62mm ammunition presented a hazard to the end user.
• At Hullavington, extending from 6 to 9 years and not finding an officer in SHQ to countersign it. Bumping into the AOC and stammering my predicament. Him signing it.
• Lying about your assessments to your mates.
• Your mates lying to you about theirs too.
• Stun dressing up a a padre and getting an invite to the Officers Mess at Hohne.
• Dave and I hosting a indoor air rifle range at a Bruggen Oktoberfest in the Officers Mess, getting more drunk than the punters, setting up an assault course and teaching close quarter battle.
• Denying all knowledge of the damage the next day and blaming it all on immature junior pilots who really should have known better.

[Gainesy]

First aid lecture, cue Dick the Doc:"What do you do if you see someone having an Epileptic fit?"

"Lob him in a bath with your laundry?"

Ted Vaughn at Wittering having shinned up a drainpipe on the WRAF block and edged along to his love's window, he taps on it, she opens it, and knocks him off the window ledge. Lovely cast on his arm.

The stink in the back of the Hercs and Argosies doing Casevac in Black September. (Can't actually remember who they were evacuating, the aircraft had Red Crosses applied over the fuselage roundels).

Phospheresence on the water in midnight swims from Ladies Mile.

Using vodka to light the barbie at same.

[Wader2]

Originally Posted by Gainesy

Phospheresence on the water in midnight swims from Ladies Mile.

Would that have been a full moon by chance?

[teeteringhead]

Using vodka to light the barbie at same.

.. or filling the windscreen washers of the TeetersMobile at a secret helicopter base near Bielefeld with NAAFI vodka - 'cos at 5DM/litre (with an FFR of 5.5=£1 ) it was cheaper and better than the Halfords stuff that NAAFI stocked (but strangely didn't sell much of.....)

[Airborne Aircrew]

1. Being late out of breakfast at Shawbury and missing the transport to the Sqn so the four of us walked. Alarmingly the runway light was red, (highly unusual at that time in the morning). Looking up the glideslope I see a landing light about a mile out and immediately think "Mossie... Naaahhh, there's none of them flying".

At 3/4 of a mile I say "That's a Mossie". Everyone says "Naaahhh, there's none of them flying".

At 1/2 and 1/4 of a mile I'm still saying "That's a Mossie" even though I am convinced none are airworthy. Then I hear it and I am even more convinced it's a Mossie. Finally, the twin Merlins touch down immediately in front of us not 20 yards away... Beautiful...

2. Then, on another occasion, there's all of us reading the Sun, (ok, looking at page 3), and drinking coffee in the mess waiting for the transport to go to the Sqn when the whole mess begins to shake, (pictures on the walls, light fittings, tea shaking etc.). But there's no sound of a large jet and Shawbury probably couldn't handle a jet the size needed to create that amount of shaking... It stops and we go to the Sqn a little puzzled but thinking about the days flying. On the radio at the Sqn is the news... There was an earthquake..

3. Flying my first mountain trip out of Shawbury with a certain Crewman Instructor with a patch over his eye. Somewhere deep in north Wales just short of Snowdonia the young pilot asks for his lumpy box. Crewman Instructor replies that he'll get it. A minute later, when I'm intently trying to navigate and not get lost, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to find myself looking down the barrel of a 1" signals pistol with "Take me to Cuba" written on the top of the lumpy box in chinagraph. I nearly fell out of the kite laughing... I did get lost!!!

4. Waking up in my house in Ash Vale and opening the curtains to find that all the little trees planted along the road are all damaged and debris is all over the street. "F$king Vandals" methinks. Go to bathroom and open curtains to find a 100' tall tree in my yard that wasn't there the night before, (horizontal). Wife asks "didn't you hear the wind last night?" Nope. Try to get to Odiham. Can't, trees down everywhere. Go home and call the Sqn only to be told I must get to work ASAP because they need crews. I finally get there after cross country motorcycle riding to find I am the first crewman in and the wind I slept through the night before was a Hurricane!!!

5. A week after said hurricane Michael Fish, (BBC weatherman), while trying to defend the BBC Weather Service after dropping the ball on predicting a hurricane, proudly announces that they get it right 48% of the time...

6. Mid November Monday morning. The Monday Met brief is done by the Met Man at Odiham who has to drive all the way around the peri track. We're all sat there and he is giving the brief about 10k vis, 1/8 cloud at 3500', zero precip etc. etc. etc. while we are all looking out of the windows watching the dense snow. Sqn Cdr clears his throat loudly a couple of times and, when he has Met Man's attention, flicks a look towards the windows. Met Man pick up all his nice slides, throws them over his shoulder and, as he departs, says "Of course, you could just look out of the window... Classic!!!

[Tim Mills]

Talking of Tennents beer cans with pinups on, Akrotiri in the hayday of the mighty Canberra, dining in night, late in the evening Station Commander, an Air Commodore in those days, idley appraising said beer cans left around, young Cornish Flying Officer Navigator from 32 Squadron, known to all and sundry as Oggy, takes one to Stn Cdr, shakes it, hands it to him saying 'Here you are, sir, there's a bit left in this one'.

[Al R]

I remember the night of the storm well AA. We were back in the UK and my section was tasked with establishing a covert OP on the edge of a taxiway dispersal area at Lyneham. This we did, beautifully, and avoiding the ever so cunningly deployed trips . Established comms, got comfy, time to stag on. Then it got windy and we lost the antenna. Then the next one. Then the trailing wire. And it got cold too. Oh, and wet. Extracted 2 days later extremely character built and reported that it had been a waste of time as there had been no flying. 'Ohhh', came the reply.. ' so thats where you've been, did no one tell you to get out of there as flying was cancelled?'.

If it ain't raining, it ain't training..

[Once A Brat]

BigBlueCar wrote:

"...we used to go from Belize to Florida once a month, to top up the stn LOX supply"

Ahh, the Homestead LOX run!!! Fond memories of having to go along for the ride just in case the loadie needed help to push the bulk LOX pot out the back in a hurry. as if!

Also,

- Belize, in general.
- Watching Lightnings go vertical from the runway at night.
- Ligntning Lineys with singed berets.
- Getting 7 days Jankers for 'consumption of alcohol' in a barrack block.
- Making sure that I didn't get caught again.
- Being served beer on VC10s.
- Blue 1250s.
- Blue overalls.
- Spares on the shelf.
- Enough blokes on shift to fit said spares.
- Lean being something that you did on a wall.
- Meeting the EngO, now as a fellow Flt Lt, who once wrote 'Cpl Brat has reached his career ceiling plus one' in an ACR (only discovered once F6000 were unlocked from PMAs vaults).
- Job satisfaction.

[Gainesy]

Would that have been a full moon by chance?

It'd be a Blue Moon before I can spoll that word for shinystuff in the oggin again. Or are Blue Moons at Gander?

[Pontius Navigator]

Originally Posted by Gainesy

It'd be a Blue Moon before I can spoll that word for shinystuff in the oggin again. Or are Blue Moons at Gander?

Blue Lagoon at Keflavik with a full moon on a starry night with snow all around.

Then when we used to have about 8 weeks leave including grants and travelling time but we didn't have enough money to go anywhere.

All the fabulous things we could have bought in Singapore but . . .

The chaffing dishes in Tehran.

The money changer in the market in Nairobi.

The crowd in the Long Bar of the New Stanley in Nairobi

Eyeballing an RAFP SIB - he knew I knew who he was and he flashed a NO with his eyes.

Same bar, same time, ex-9 sqn copilot present now flying for East African.

Then there were the RAF SNCOs based at Eastleigh, on the town in No 5s. Nothing to do with two above of course

[buoy15]

The "Coon Saloon" in Keflavik where 5 bucks bought you 20 drinks
The "Brass Nut" at Kef when it was so cold there was a curfew and you were ordered to go on the piss in pairs for safety?
Wearing a kilt whilst on airshows in the States - especially Cleveland, Ohio
Getting laid for having a British accent in a southern Redneck bar
5 hour golf rounds stuck behind 6 ball nobbers giving high 5's after every shot
The suspicion when you said NO to 3 fried eggs and a pound of grits with your breakfast
The deathly silence in McDonalds when you said "No Mayo" with your order
The reaction at the checkout when she say's "Have a nice day" - and I reply "Yes I'm going to, I'm playing golf in 20 minutes, then I'm going water skiing and then off to a barbie. Later I'm going to a few bars and a night club in South Beach and then back for some sleep as I will later be flying for 6 hours near the Bahamas and then back here tommorrow to see you at the same time - Gee I'm missing you already"
Gas barbies, mountain bikes, chain saws, Toys'R'Us when dollars were pounds

[Pontius Navigator]

Originally Posted by buoy15

The "Brass Nut" at Kef when it was so cold there was a curfew

So C***** M*****s having had his foot bound up in the Med Centre calls for a taxi back to the block.

Taxi arrives and C**** hobbles 10 yards or so along snow/ice/water path on crutches. Gets in taxi. Gives address.

Taxi does U-turn, stops, says $4. C**** gets out hobbles 10 yards or so along snow/ice/water path on crutches to block.

Total distance 25 yards, taxi 5 yards, cost $4.

Only in Kef!

[Al R]

• The smell of Jizz Trees in the bondu just before sunrise. The smell of damp dust and stinking sweat stained lightweights from the day before as the sun warmed things up by 0630.
• Chummers on a pre promotion course navigation night exercise, flagging a Cyp down and scrounging the section a lift hidden in the speedboat being towed. We debussed a k short, and got our heads down for the night instead of tabbing 20 miles.
• Top of the Pops pirate cassette tapes.
• Those awesome No6 KD dresses which unbuttoned down the front..
• Asking someone on Delta Force why on earth he was filing down 9mm rounds.
• Not getting caught pinching the Wraf Block sign.
• Getting caught putting the Wraf Block sign by the Dog Section.
• Being charged for sunbathing
• Watching the Northern Lights whilst out night skiing. Gaping.
• 'Where the f#ck is Decimomannu?' T Shirts.
• Buying yourself out.
• Laminating an A3 piece of paper having written 'Gay soldier on board, honk for a bonk!' and placing on the back of the convoy commander's Land Rover (with a revolving pink light on the roof) on the way to the docks.
• Putting a few frozen fish from the ferry galley in his wagon heater box when he got shirty about it. He soon got the hang of things.
• Chicken in Cyprus, that smelt and tasted of fish at Akr.
• WRAFS in Cyprus, tha..
• BFBS (Jon Scragg, Tommy Vance etc).
• The bogs at Soltau ranges (any tankies remember them?)
• Polish Tank Transporter Coprs drivers, the last retired off in 1985 (ditto). I salute them all.
• OC C Flt getting lost and leading a Flt attack in the armour.. across the main fairway at Bruggen golf club.
• Tacevals, thanking god that we were about to be nuked because soon it'd all be over.
• When dug in, putting your hand over your mouth and pretending you were in full IPE (when talking on the net).
• My last range shoot with the SLR. Then cleaning it better than ever before.
• When, in OPs, using the swiftsacope sniper sight to see what freq the locals were flying their remote control aircraft on (they used a blackboard). Then.. passing the info to the guys in the clank who would then transmit at 50 watts..
• Getting back to the clank to discover that Lou and Mich (tailor and upholsterer in civvy street) had decorated it in crushed crimson velour and made us all 3 piece suits out of sandbags for the summer ball.
• Prior to a summer stalk in Cyprus, scheduled to last 48 hours, covertly pouring warm orange juice mixed with honey over an army lad's sniper 'ghillie' suit.
• Doing an anti aircraft shoot and being told not to shoot at the very expensive drones. Yeah, right..
• Expeds.
• OHPs
• TV rooms.
• Snooker rooms.
• Beautifully worn in and comfortable windproof smocks.
• Rads, not cGy.
• "It is my duty to inform you that it is an offence to remove from this or any oher...!!"
• "If however, on returning to..."
• Block barbies.
• NAAFI ashtrays.
• Helpful, well trained NAAFI staff who saw themselves as being there to help you.
• Reference my last, cancel.. out.