Pull up a sandbag ~ "I remember when..

[Al R]

• Burning junglies on the Sarawak border before leaving the jungle. ("Ohhh, don't worry, its just a precaution, nothing to fret about. Possible lurgies you understand").
• Eating rat stew caught by a smiling local tribesman (the tattoo rings around his neck indicated how many British squaddies he had once killed).
• Doing a combat swimming test in the South China Sea.
• Then being told by the MO that under no circumstances should we so much as dip our toes.. in the South China Sea.
• Being bumped up to First Class on the outgoing 747 while my boss was having a slash. I sent him back a small bottle of champagne with a remark about lonely it felt, what with all the albow and legroom.
• At Larkhill, and realising that the rat#rsed army WO2 talking to me was the man who had once locked me up, and who was now trying to remember the name of the rockape he had once locked up.
• Weekend block parties.
• Assuring a magnificently breasted WRAF that 'No, of course I'd rather watch you make us both home made Baileys Ice Cream than go out with the lads again. They can be a bit rowdy.. and, well.. I guess I've changed over the years thats all. You won't think any less of me will you?' and getting away with it by later achieving the objective.
• Track bashing CVR(T).
• Punishment runs around the parade square carrying 2 full water jerrycans.
• Having Cantonese Reindeer in Hell.
• Expecting Mick to chuckle when I told him that the mind damaging bleeping sound that he had been ranting about for 6 weeks and which we all claimed not to be able to hear was an almost dead fire alarm I secreted into the air con duct in his room.
• Wondering why Mick couldn't see the funny side if it.
• Hearing the crash alarm at Witt, looking out of the window near the threshold and remarking 'Don't be daft, how can it possibly be a Hurricane?'.
• Really, really wanting to jack it in on Basics.
• Realising that my mates did too.
• Helping each other through it, but not realising it at the time.
• Just being so proud when I collected my No1 with my mudguards and just smiled like a lunatic when I put them on in the tailor's shop there.
• When leaving the RAF, some dweeb in SHQ not even looking up and saying 'We've got a load of Jubilee medals in the safe left, do you still want one?'
• Brian Deeley (rest in peace, bless him) chewing me a new arsehole at Akrotiri, hitting the desk with his 36" ruler and it fragmenting. One of the pieces hitting him on the nose and the other landing on his beret. Him smirking and telling me to get out while the going was good.
• The 12SU Walkabout.
• On the FT, using my car as a locker to store 12 pressed shirts, 6 pairs of pressed OGs and 2 pairs of highly polished boots.
• Losing the key an hour before inspection.
• Cpl's Clubs
• The duty MT drivers picking you up because you'd pissed your taxi fare up against the wall.
• Service calls.
• Being told that excessive exposure to CS gas could cause short term memory loss but being relieved when assured by an MO that there was no evidence to support such a claim.
• Service calls.
• Good looking girls on GDT.
• A H&S twonk asking me if 7.62mm ammunition presented a hazard to the end user.
• At Hullavington, extending from 6 to 9 years and not finding an officer in SHQ to countersign it. Bumping into the AOC and stammering my predicament. Him signing it.
• Lying about your assessments to your mates.
• Your mates lying to you about theirs too.
• Stun dressing up a a padre and getting an invite to the Officers Mess at Hohne.
• Dave and I hosting a indoor air rifle range at a Bruggen Oktoberfest in the Officers Mess, getting more drunk than the punters, setting up an assault course and teaching close quarter battle.
• Denying all knowledge of the damage the next day and blaming it all on immature junior pilots who really should have known better.