HMS Daring eases through first sea trials
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Just in...
Details have been released regarding Britain's next generation of fighting ships: the Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively
bristle with facilities. For instance, the new user friendly crow's nest
comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress councillors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with
Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come
equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the mess.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for
"Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only by request.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist; it is to be
replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and
Braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, even the women.
The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
Sea Trials are expected to take place soon, when the first of the new
destroyers HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission it will be
escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The ship is due to be launched soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
The ship will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In the Navy" by
the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest of
modern thinking they were also capable of being up graded to comply with any new legislation. His final words were "Britain never, never waives the rules!"
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively
bristle with facilities. For instance, the new user friendly crow's nest
comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress councillors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with
Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come
equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the mess.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for
"Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only by request.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist; it is to be
replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and
Braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, even the women.
The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
Sea Trials are expected to take place soon, when the first of the new
destroyers HMS Cautious, sets out on her maiden mission it will be
escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The ship is due to be launched soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
The ship will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In the Navy" by
the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest of
modern thinking they were also capable of being up graded to comply with any new legislation. His final words were "Britain never, never waives the rules!"
Join Date: Jun 2003
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Good question re 7 and 8.
Current class is six T45s for RN plus an option for two additonal ships. The BAE business case is now based on six ships, although initial costings were for 12, which partially explains why each platform is now more expensive than initially thought (development costs spread over half the number, supplier costs scaled up accordingly etc).
There have been some rumours that Saudi Arabia might take the two options. Not sure how realistic that prospect is though. Guess that's a question for UKG.
Current class is six T45s for RN plus an option for two additonal ships. The BAE business case is now based on six ships, although initial costings were for 12, which partially explains why each platform is now more expensive than initially thought (development costs spread over half the number, supplier costs scaled up accordingly etc).
There have been some rumours that Saudi Arabia might take the two options. Not sure how realistic that prospect is though. Guess that's a question for UKG.
Suspicion breeds confidence
Their is still talk of 2 of the last T42 receiving a SLEP and being run-on to relieve pressure on the equipment budget. I would not discount the idea. This still maintains 8 hulls even if two are past their sell by date.
More than 100 aviation capable ships....
glad rag,
It's a sad note that at the end of WW2 the RN had more than 100 aviation capable ships - fixed wing capable, as the helicopter hadn't entered service.
It's not surprising that we began to run out of names when you think that if there were 100 aviation capable ships there may have been five times that in FF/DD and transports/auxilliaries.
You're right though, I'm sure they could have thought of something more war like. We even called one of our aircraft the Turbot! What were they thinking? Hardly likely to strike fear into the enemy.
I seem to remember there being a story in the press saying that RN sailors had expressed disgust that one of the class was to be called HMS Duncan. Sound particularly fearsome.......?
It's a sad note that at the end of WW2 the RN had more than 100 aviation capable ships - fixed wing capable, as the helicopter hadn't entered service.
It's not surprising that we began to run out of names when you think that if there were 100 aviation capable ships there may have been five times that in FF/DD and transports/auxilliaries.
You're right though, I'm sure they could have thought of something more war like. We even called one of our aircraft the Turbot! What were they thinking? Hardly likely to strike fear into the enemy.
I seem to remember there being a story in the press saying that RN sailors had expressed disgust that one of the class was to be called HMS Duncan. Sound particularly fearsome.......?
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Just for once I have to back up WEBF on this
The cost of retaining Sea Harrier until 2012 was quoted on the 24th Feb 2002 as £109 Million. The reason given was T45 would take over the AD role in 2007 and Sea harrier could not shoot down a missile (was this ever proven?)
the T42's are now old and tired, Sea Dart is all but obselete. So the fleet now pretty much has no 1st and 2nd layer of air defence. Very few Nations that the RN will have to deal with in the immediate future have credible Submarine / Surface forces. But they all have Air forces! So when HNS isnt Available or too far away for the RAF to provide effective CAP then what happens? Have we learned nothing from 26 years ago (I shan't mention it - I know it is seen as "Not relevent" any more
)
In the meantime the UK Tax Payer is shelling out £500 Million for the 1st 2 of class which are begining to look like white elephants. WHERE'S THE SENSE?
The cost of retaining Sea Harrier until 2012 was quoted on the 24th Feb 2002 as £109 Million. The reason given was T45 would take over the AD role in 2007 and Sea harrier could not shoot down a missile (was this ever proven?)
the T42's are now old and tired, Sea Dart is all but obselete. So the fleet now pretty much has no 1st and 2nd layer of air defence. Very few Nations that the RN will have to deal with in the immediate future have credible Submarine / Surface forces. But they all have Air forces! So when HNS isnt Available or too far away for the RAF to provide effective CAP then what happens? Have we learned nothing from 26 years ago (I shan't mention it - I know it is seen as "Not relevent" any more
)In the meantime the UK Tax Payer is shelling out £500 Million for the 1st 2 of class which are begining to look like white elephants. WHERE'S THE SENSE?
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Officers claim that if it was stationed in the River Thames
Can anybody remember which frigate did that? I was trying to google it the other day and found nothing.
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In 1984 the Royal Navy warship HMS Jupiter hit London Bridge broadside. The ship suffered considerable damage to her superstructure and the granite parapet of London Bridge was dislodged.
