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Old 6th Jul 2006, 21:36   #1 (permalink)
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: england
Posts: 20
Dining Out Night Ideas


We are starting the planning for the mother of alll dining out nights for a top Staish as he leaves us for bluntie heaven. Mess Manager has given us free rein but I am after any high spirited "jolly japes" for before, during, and after the dinner.

It is going to be carnage
iss is offline  
Old 6th Jul 2006, 22:51   #2 (permalink)
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Try here for starters:

A Search of thread titles for the word 'Dining'

That 1 Gp one is still a PPRuNe Classic!

SirToppamHat is offline  
Old 7th Jul 2006, 16:25   #3 (permalink)
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The 1 Group story cracked me up ! And beautifully written, too.
kevmusic is offline  
Old 7th Jul 2006, 20:55   #4 (permalink)
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Some harmless classics

The Dentist is a good place to start:

1. He can drill tiny holes in the bottom of wine glasses - causing subtle leakage. However, last time I tried this several very expensive drill bits broke before we eventually 'fixed' one glass - the owner of which never even noticed any leakage!!

2. He can also issue anaesthetic gel, which if smeared subtley around the rim of your friend's glass will cause much merriment when his lips/mouth start to go numb shortly afterwards, or at the very least resulting in a very dry mouth and much licking of lips - especially recommended if your friend is giving a speech!!

Other classics -

1. Flour buried inside the napkin.

2. Bodge tape the chair to the table legs.

3. Use invisible thread to tie cutlery to the chair.

4. 'Interesting' pictures taped under the placemat.

5. Mobile phone with loud ring tone 'hidden' somewhere in the room, called by another mobile at a convenient time.

Alistair Kayim is offline  
Old 7th Jul 2006, 22:22   #5 (permalink)
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Live, packaged, MS 10 under the top table with a suitable length of cord.

Small piglet released at an apt moment.

A nice pat of CPX in the grand piano with a cunningly set timer.

Model helicopter display.

Battleships (if you know, you know!).

Silver nitrate crystals on a wooden floor.

Iron filings buried in the candles.

A Wimshurst generator (hidden) connected by micro copper wire to cutlery and silver.

A spare camel (Aaaah Masirah days)

We once borrowed a dumper truck - brought in to T****y I****d mess

And many, many more - most subject to sanction by health and safety, COSH,Road Traffic Act and various international treaties and supervisory bodies.

Be prepared to perform OO/SDO for a while afterwards.

good luck,

lurkposition is offline  
Old 7th Jul 2006, 23:13   #6 (permalink)
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Ask the current OC Marham. Similar nights at Cottesmore, Watton and Bruggen come to mind oh so easily.
Old 8th Jul 2006, 01:03   #7 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Sleaford
Posts: 44
Dining Out Night Ideas

Arrange for the mess staff to serve up something from the Rude Food cookbook.

As an example, at Stafford several years ago, the female PEdO was served with an erect banana gelled to the plate with 2 balls of ice cream and some strategically placed mint.

She then noticed that her fork and spoon had been removed.

She took the banana whole to tumultuous applause
DSAT Man is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 09:48   #8 (permalink)
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Oop North (where the beer is best)
Posts: 46
A goodly length of plastic tubing (usually from a pet shop, used in aquaria), some small cable ties, drawing pins and bodge tape along with some of the biggest syringes the Med Centre will trust you with (normally 50 or 60ml).

If you're a long way from your target (and it's useful to be on the same leg of the table) you may well need to prime the tubing and make sure the syringes are full before the meal.

There's nothing quite like watching someone squirm in wet mess kit for 3 courses, but your aim has to be good. I've had people looking for leaks in the ceiling before...just be careful of blowback if they're on the ball!

The syringes also come in handy if Mr Vice is crap. Terrible waste of port, though.

BackfromIraq is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 11:14   #9 (permalink)
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: on the edge of a big fall
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In no particular order:
Small drop of food colouring (use a syringe), inside the wine glass above the stem, turns wine into whatever colour you fancy but does not spoil the taste.
A Met Office helium balloon with talc inside is great during the speeches, especially if you can get it over the candles on the top table, managed this once, balloon burst and speaker disappeared into a Hiroshima cloud of Johnsons & Johnsons finest.
Have a word with the Mess Manager and substitute some of the menus with ones containing made up course/wine names, you can have a real dig at people with descriptions of food aimed at them.
Radio controlled micro-cars and tanks running around the tables are good during the speeches as are the radio-controlled airships.
A smoke machine (hired from a prop company or even the local mobile disco) and lengths of hosepipe is always a winner.
Small water pistols or syringes filled with water are useful to start some inter leg rivalry during the meal.
Have fun.
higthepig is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 14:36   #10 (permalink)
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Off at a tangent if I may, but the met balloon reminded me of a particularly devius met man I knew years ago, when the gas used was hydrogen. He partialy filed a balloon, lit a slow burning tail fuse and let it go in the general direction of a village. Given that this was late evening, his perfect timing resulted in a veritable fireball a few hundred feet above the roof tops and one or two phone calls. Classic.
Green Flash is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 14:45   #11 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 1998
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Originally Posted by lurkposition
Iron filings buried in the candles.
And of course "candle racing"

Or alternatively cut through the candles at a mid point so that the lower part of the wick is moved away from top part. Sliced carefully all candles go out at about the same time for no apparent reason plunging local area into darkness.

And of course who can forget cabbage + thunder flash = .........

(just remember to ensure that as many windows are open as possible - shock waves in closed, mainly glass "walled", rooms don't mix!! )
Roland Pulfrew is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 15:03   #12 (permalink)

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Take your own stretcher with your blood group stencilled on and, if you are to succumbe to the mess rugby, specific instuctions to donate your liver to a " Mr Mathew Gloag"
buoy15 is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 15:18   #13 (permalink)
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Scotland
Posts: 664
If your stn houses more than one sqn, my favourite would be canadian-style table sawing.


1. Go to Nutts Corner market and buy an old officers' mess-style dining table for a fiver or go to B&Q and buy some marine ply, 2x2 and Ronseal dark mahogany varnish and construct an officers' mess-style dining table.

2. When the dining-in is set up, remove a real table from where your sqn officers are sitting and replace it with your construction.

3. After the high heid-yins have retired to the bar, challenge other sqn(s) to table sawing competition offering bottle of champers to the fastest, and proceed to saw your table in half.

4. Taunt other sqn(s) as wooses until they do the same to theirs.

5. Whether you win or lose, the best bit is bringing your proper table back and watching the other sqn(s) contemplate their mess bills.
An Teallach is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 15:27   #14 (permalink)

Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: ecosse
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"The Mess Manager has given me free rein? " Whow!
What did the PMC say?
As I said on another thread, the Mess is run for the benefit of the staff and not the members
You will probably find that the mess manager will ask you all to leave about 2230 so the staff can tidy up amd go home and take all the left overs with them!
buoy15 is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 18:55   #15 (permalink)
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: uk
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A "CLAP" and "STOP" box with 2 light bulbs behind green and red film placed high up behind the top table are a guarenteed way to trash or liven up speeches at your convenience.

Timing is everthing.

2*s destroyed.

Boring old gits leaving after 30 yrs service overjoyed by the quality of their jokes!
arthurwellington is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2006, 19:46   #16 (permalink)
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Devil Cigar tube rockets

PM me if you require the instructions for the making of a very dangerous rocket using cigar tubes, port and sugar, unless you already know how!
A2QFI is offline  
Old 9th Jul 2006, 13:16   #17 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: England
Posts: 964
Got to have a mess cannon as well surely
Tigs2 is offline  
Old 10th Jul 2006, 09:05   #18 (permalink)
Nixor ut Ledo
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arthurwellington Hopefully, you will see your 30 years out (provided Wars r'us Tony doesn't 'do for you' early), hopefully you might even attain a reasonable rank level in that time; and you might, just might, have had an eventful, exciting time and met a lot of good mates.

Then you get your final dining out.

You are probably facing an uncertain future (not too many jobs out there for 55 year olds) and will miss the warmth and camerarderie of the mob and this is your golden chance to say "Thanks, I've had a great time - I wish you well for the future". And then some little tosser like you were 30 years before ruins the whole thing.

Brace yourself, the whole process - from being a tosser to being tossed out - happens to us all
allan907 is offline  
Old 10th Jul 2006, 10:46   #19 (permalink)
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 55
if your speech is good the young doesnt have to ruin it,
if the speech is naff then maybe desrves to be ruined!
jonny5 is offline  
Old 10th Jul 2006, 10:55   #20 (permalink)
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South of the Great Divide and West of the Greenwich Meridian
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As a 30 year man, with just over 7 to do, if I haven't got a funny story to entertain folks at my leaving do then I won't stand up. I am frankly bored by those that drivel on about nothing for 20 mins . Yes I am PA and proud of it - hopefully means I can do the job I am paid for (some may disagree) .
ChezTanker is offline  
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