Discovery of soft tissue hailed as major scientific coup
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Discovery of soft tissue hailed as major scientific coup
Scientists were thrilled today at the discovery of apparently well-preserved soft tissue in an ancient fossil - a phenomenon never seen before.
Scientists at the Univeristy of Knotty Ash (formerly Liverpool Polytechnic) discovered the remains of "moral fibres" in a fossilised dinosaur, known as "Hoon" (Buff Rex Capabilitis). The creature was dubbed "Hoon" due to scientists' deduction that its principle means of communication was a low, barely intelligible moaning, or "hooning" noise.
"We don't know much about the creature we're studying, " admitted Professor Faye Ninterest. "What we do know is that it was of an extremely low order of intelligence and probably hunted alone, striking randomly at other dinosaurs such as the so-called 'British Army', inflicting deep cuts on them with its vicious claws. We also know that its 'hooning' noise conferred an evolutionary disadvantage by appeasing dinsoaurs such as Gropin Budgetus, better known as Beancountas, a dinosaur known to triumph in battle over the Hoon. If, indeed, the Hoon ever put up a fight, which is by no means certain."
But the discovery which has excited scientists the most was of small, flexible strands of fibre located deep inside the creature's skull. Quoth the Professor: "Previously we had thought that the creature's cranium was solid bone, as its apparent behavioural traits indicate no intelligent capability at all. However, on dissolving away some of the minerals inside the skull we discovered what appear to be minute strands of moral fibre."
The scientists would not be drawn on whether this meant scientists would be able to resurrect the dinosaur, á la "Jurassic Fart", the film concerning the recreation of the previously extinct ape Homo Mandelsonius.
"I think that the Hoon caused enough damage when it was allowed to roam free the first time. Better that we leave it extinct, as it did with many of the organisms it was supposed to have protected."
Professor Ninterest is 108. Buff Rex Capabilitis's "moral fibres" do not exist.
(With apologies to Private Eye)
Scientists at the Univeristy of Knotty Ash (formerly Liverpool Polytechnic) discovered the remains of "moral fibres" in a fossilised dinosaur, known as "Hoon" (Buff Rex Capabilitis). The creature was dubbed "Hoon" due to scientists' deduction that its principle means of communication was a low, barely intelligible moaning, or "hooning" noise.
"We don't know much about the creature we're studying, " admitted Professor Faye Ninterest. "What we do know is that it was of an extremely low order of intelligence and probably hunted alone, striking randomly at other dinosaurs such as the so-called 'British Army', inflicting deep cuts on them with its vicious claws. We also know that its 'hooning' noise conferred an evolutionary disadvantage by appeasing dinsoaurs such as Gropin Budgetus, better known as Beancountas, a dinosaur known to triumph in battle over the Hoon. If, indeed, the Hoon ever put up a fight, which is by no means certain."
But the discovery which has excited scientists the most was of small, flexible strands of fibre located deep inside the creature's skull. Quoth the Professor: "Previously we had thought that the creature's cranium was solid bone, as its apparent behavioural traits indicate no intelligent capability at all. However, on dissolving away some of the minerals inside the skull we discovered what appear to be minute strands of moral fibre."
The scientists would not be drawn on whether this meant scientists would be able to resurrect the dinosaur, á la "Jurassic Fart", the film concerning the recreation of the previously extinct ape Homo Mandelsonius.
"I think that the Hoon caused enough damage when it was allowed to roam free the first time. Better that we leave it extinct, as it did with many of the organisms it was supposed to have protected."
Professor Ninterest is 108. Buff Rex Capabilitis's "moral fibres" do not exist.
(With apologies to Private Eye)
Last edited by tablet_eraser; 25th Mar 2005 at 13:03.
The real dino tissue was discovered somewhere around Montana (US). On an up-to-date note, the man who drove us to an Arkansas hotel Wed.night saw a snake with the head of a poisonous copperhead, but the body markings of a non-poisonous snake (i.e. corn or milk snake etc) ! And he saw a dead rattlesnake which was about 18 FEET long with a huge rattle!!! That could give somebody the creeps. Maybe a pro baseball player dropped a container of steroids while fishing deep in a swamp.
Let's hope that the tissue inside the skulls of our airline marketing Fleet Planning Staff is just as well-preserved as that of a dinosaur. The leasing cost for a 44 or 50-seat CRJ jet can be reportedly as high as for an A-319, despite much lower operating costs. And many CRJs now fly 'thin' and not so thin routes which were flown by older, larger planes ,which were all paid for many years ago.
Let's hope that the tissue inside the skulls of our airline marketing Fleet Planning Staff is just as well-preserved as that of a dinosaur. The leasing cost for a 44 or 50-seat CRJ jet can be reportedly as high as for an A-319, despite much lower operating costs. And many CRJs now fly 'thin' and not so thin routes which were flown by older, larger planes ,which were all paid for many years ago.
Last edited by Ignition Override; 27th Mar 2005 at 05:30.
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Tablet... Very subtle!!
Looks like that one fell on deaf ears... Who didn't read the thread properly and see the beyond the title to the funny side then???
Take another look guys....
Looks like that one fell on deaf ears... Who didn't read the thread properly and see the beyond the title to the funny side then???
Take another look guys....
One assumes that no evidence of testicles was discovered in the fossilised remains of Buff Rex Capabilitis ?
The lack of any backbone would presumably mean that it would have rolled over submissively to the Gordo Browntasaurus?
The lack of any backbone would presumably mean that it would have rolled over submissively to the Gordo Browntasaurus?
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Most specimens of Homo Pugilus Secretarium unearthed since 1947 have, in addition to the lack of a brain cavity, had large sharp finger nails adapted to slashing defence budgets.
I'm amazed there are still any of you military types left to whinge about them anymore. Defence will soon be contracted out to civilian bidders - Greenpeace are the leading contenders I believe.
I'm amazed there are still any of you military types left to whinge about them anymore. Defence will soon be contracted out to civilian bidders - Greenpeace are the leading contenders I believe.
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Ah, a sad reflection on the quality of education in 'grey concrete' "universities" among our Sassunach (Saxon) cousins.
From today's Hootsmon (The Scotsman):
Edinburgh University Corrects Taxonomic Error .
One Up for Scottish Education.
Professor Benjamin Doon of Edinburgh University's Paleo-Biology Department, ably assisted by Dr Philip McCracken, a reader in the Classics Department, have corrected an elementary taxonomic error by Prof. Faye Ninterest of Knotty Ash University.
Prof. Ninterest (108) announced last week the discovery of well preserved soft tissue in an ancient fossil. However, she wrongly classified the fossil as a dinosaur and attributed it to the species Buff rex capabilitis.
Dr. McCaracken said: "Prof. Ninterest was almost right. However, I did not recognise the Genus " Buff". I spoke to Ben and he told me after examining the find that Prof. Ninterest had somehow attributed the find to the wrong species, but serendipitously she had almost attributed it to the right genus: In Latin, if not in English.
The Specimen should have been attributed to to the Genus Bufo. Professor Doon has now correctly identified the specimen as belonging to the species Bufo invertebrata , in English: Spineless Toad.
Incus
From today's Hootsmon (The Scotsman):
Edinburgh University Corrects Taxonomic Error .
One Up for Scottish Education.
Professor Benjamin Doon of Edinburgh University's Paleo-Biology Department, ably assisted by Dr Philip McCracken, a reader in the Classics Department, have corrected an elementary taxonomic error by Prof. Faye Ninterest of Knotty Ash University.
Prof. Ninterest (108) announced last week the discovery of well preserved soft tissue in an ancient fossil. However, she wrongly classified the fossil as a dinosaur and attributed it to the species Buff rex capabilitis.
Dr. McCaracken said: "Prof. Ninterest was almost right. However, I did not recognise the Genus " Buff". I spoke to Ben and he told me after examining the find that Prof. Ninterest had somehow attributed the find to the wrong species, but serendipitously she had almost attributed it to the right genus: In Latin, if not in English.
The Specimen should have been attributed to to the Genus Bufo. Professor Doon has now correctly identified the specimen as belonging to the species Bufo invertebrata , in English: Spineless Toad.
Incus
