Life in the HAF (Hollywood Armed Forces)
Join Date: Jun 2004
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...and (Galactica/Star Wars etc) despite magnetoreluctive plasma warp drive and advanced laser plasmoreactive energy weapons they have fire control radar so awful that most of the shots miss even if they are right in the control zone (either that or they are using the standby sight..........).
Join Date: May 2000
Location: door or ramp, don't mind.
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Well if we're on to Star Wars.....
How come Chewbacca wanders round naked save for a bandolier containing what appear to be choc-ices?
P'rhaps he's got designs on Princess Leia in that "purple'n'gold bikini with hair in plaited pigtails" number.
How come Chewbacca wanders round naked save for a bandolier containing what appear to be choc-ices?
P'rhaps he's got designs on Princess Leia in that "purple'n'gold bikini with hair in plaited pigtails" number.
When landing a helicopter from the hover, it's engine is always brought back to idle and that is why it descends. Reverse for take off.
The BBDA from an RPG is only 2 cm when fired from the front of a Huey out the windscreen and good guys are in the back (Rambo). And as mentioned, no deafness/blindness will be suffered by those to the rear.
Crashed Hueys always look remarkably like Black Hawk's after hitting the ground (Courage under Fire).
If the bad guy gets on your tail, the only manoeuvre you need to remember is to stand the aircraft (fixed or rotary wing) on its tail, deploy the speed brakes and he will fly right by. This enables you to leisurely flip up the arm switch, obtain a steely eyed look about you, and smash the trigger as hard as you can.
When doing cliff rescues, all helicopters buck uncontrollably and must be flown by two hands on the cyclic.
The BBDA from an RPG is only 2 cm when fired from the front of a Huey out the windscreen and good guys are in the back (Rambo). And as mentioned, no deafness/blindness will be suffered by those to the rear.
Crashed Hueys always look remarkably like Black Hawk's after hitting the ground (Courage under Fire).
If the bad guy gets on your tail, the only manoeuvre you need to remember is to stand the aircraft (fixed or rotary wing) on its tail, deploy the speed brakes and he will fly right by. This enables you to leisurely flip up the arm switch, obtain a steely eyed look about you, and smash the trigger as hard as you can.
When doing cliff rescues, all helicopters buck uncontrollably and must be flown by two hands on the cyclic.
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Nomadic
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When the massive explosive decompression ceases, there are always paper coffee cups scattered arouind the flight deck.
Combat aircrew wear squadron patches name tags etc over sausage side.
Airfield security forces always appear stuipd. .....maybe there is some truth here.
The workings, advantages and disadvantages disposition and location of most aircraft or weapons systems are explained to the general while he is deliberating about starting the offensive
The General demands the systems operator to PRESS THAT BUTTON - when he can reach over and do it himself when the systems operator baulks or refuses.
The major policy and planning decisions are always made while the crowd of staff officers (and fit women) follow the 3 star down the corridoor.
Air Officers actually listen to LT / Capt (equivalent)
The impact with terra firma (when viewed from inside crashing jet) is long and slow.
Combat aircrew wear squadron patches name tags etc over sausage side.
Airfield security forces always appear stuipd. .....maybe there is some truth here.
The workings, advantages and disadvantages disposition and location of most aircraft or weapons systems are explained to the general while he is deliberating about starting the offensive
The General demands the systems operator to PRESS THAT BUTTON - when he can reach over and do it himself when the systems operator baulks or refuses.
The major policy and planning decisions are always made while the crowd of staff officers (and fit women) follow the 3 star down the corridoor.
Air Officers actually listen to LT / Capt (equivalent)
The impact with terra firma (when viewed from inside crashing jet) is long and slow.
Join Date: May 2000
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When tracking down the Colonel in order to pass on a vital signal, it's perfectly acceptable to drive a Willys Jeep right up to and over the 18th tee.
US Marines only know one exercise: Star jumps.
US Marines only know one exercise: Star jumps.
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Trumpville; On the edge
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How come Chewbacca wanders round naked save for a bandolier containing what appear to be choc-ices?
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
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If the pilot(s) die / are incapacitated at the controls, the aircraft ALWAYS enters a dive (complete with 'stuka' noise and a prolonged view of all indicators winding down) and there are ALWAYS mountains ahead. The pilot(s) will wake up with barely insufficient time to pull the jet out of the dive (using apparently huge forces on the yoke?).
Join Date: May 2000
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...and if the pilot does lapse in to unconciousness, the first step in first aid isn't to check the casualty's airway but to shake them vigourously by the shoulders and shout "Wake up, Mister! Wake up!"
Join Date: Oct 2004
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- All aircraft seem to be constructed out of Holywoodnium, that fantastic material that allows them to hit trees / floor / each other and carry on with only minor damage. That said, Hero will then wrestle with all arms / feet to get the thing back on the floor...
- It is SOP to fly under any bridge within 5nm of track
- AVTUR is the most flamable liquid on the face of the planet
- All HUD symbology and layout by QuinetiQ
Oh, they never get the FRCs out because the pretty MFD's tell you *exactly* what's happened and in laymans terms, too...
- It is SOP to fly under any bridge within 5nm of track
- AVTUR is the most flamable liquid on the face of the planet
- All HUD symbology and layout by QuinetiQ
Oh, they never get the FRCs out because the pretty MFD's tell you *exactly* what's happened and in laymans terms, too...
Join Date: Sep 2004
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I've just remembered a whole new load of Hollywood bull - all small arm related rather than aircraft but what the heck . . .
Silencers on small arms make a satisfying "Pffft!" noise.
Silencers work on revolvers!
An automatic weapon will cycle happily on a diet of blanks without the use of a blank firing adapter.
A sniper rifle can be broken down into it's component parts, bounced around in a suitcase, rebuilt, have a £50 telescopic sight clipped on top and will then hit any target that is held in the cross hairs at any range.
Silencers on small arms make a satisfying "Pffft!" noise.
Silencers work on revolvers!
An automatic weapon will cycle happily on a diet of blanks without the use of a blank firing adapter.
A sniper rifle can be broken down into it's component parts, bounced around in a suitcase, rebuilt, have a £50 telescopic sight clipped on top and will then hit any target that is held in the cross hairs at any range.
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Desert Eagles and other large calibre handguns can be fired one handed and at an astonishing rate (see H/wood magazines) by lightweight girlies and still be on target.
...And what's with this thing where a shooter leans the firearm over at 90 degrees and aims between the knuckles?
...And what's with this thing where a shooter leans the firearm over at 90 degrees and aims between the knuckles?
Join Date: Mar 2001
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A small arms discharge in the cabin of a pressurised aircraft will make said aircaft enter a 70 degree nose down dive. SOP for recovery is to haul back on stick with almighty force using altimeter as sole means of reference.
In a not altogether related move, Roger Moore as James Bond once made a Lockheed Electra land from the outside of the aircraft. He climbed out of the door, slid along the upper fuselage until he reached the elevator which he then pressed on with his toe. The mechanical force generated was more then the pilot could over come and the aircraft was landed using only a toe.
In a not altogether related move, Roger Moore as James Bond once made a Lockheed Electra land from the outside of the aircraft. He climbed out of the door, slid along the upper fuselage until he reached the elevator which he then pressed on with his toe. The mechanical force generated was more then the pilot could over come and the aircraft was landed using only a toe.
Join Date: Mar 2003
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sorry to disappoint you but everyone in the RN can do that. We learn it at Dartmouth you know...
Join Date: Feb 1999
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...and if not the location of the golden rivet, then it was the care and feeding of the sea-bat*.
(*sea-bat: a rare aquatic creature. Those in captivity are extremely scarce and are believed by sailors to bring good luck when cared for properly. Sea-bats prefer to cruise as close to the waterline as possible; best location of all is within the well-deck of an LPD.)
(*sea-bat: a rare aquatic creature. Those in captivity are extremely scarce and are believed by sailors to bring good luck when cared for properly. Sea-bats prefer to cruise as close to the waterline as possible; best location of all is within the well-deck of an LPD.)
On a (slightly) related topic, the audio track on any television news report including footage shot from a helicopter always seems to sound remarkably like a Gazelle at low RRPM.
John
John
Join Date: Mar 2002
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All NCO's love their officers and will do anything for them, taking the bullet, letting them get the fit bird whilst they are quite happy to get the minga.
They can outdrink anybody, even the grizzled NCO veteran. Apart from the drop dead gorgeous petite babe heroine.
Oh yes, and they can shake off a hangover whilst the grizzled NCO vet will still be shabby.
They can outdrink anybody, even the grizzled NCO veteran. Apart from the drop dead gorgeous petite babe heroine.
Oh yes, and they can shake off a hangover whilst the grizzled NCO vet will still be shabby.
Join Date: Jan 2001
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Majors always bring the generals the bad news:
Major: 'General, bad news, the enemy have attacked. Look!' Switches on instant-start telly.
Telly: 'Here is the news. The enemy have attacked.'
General switches off telly without need for further info and without waiting for the football scores.
On a different tack, all HAF submarines are enormous inside, are captained by Rock Hudson and can pull 6g underwater. And the sea is always crystal-clear at xxx fathoms. And there are always some underwater cameras in just the right place, like under the North Pole, to catch the sub-v-sub action.
Every platoon/squadron has a fair mix of American ethnic types: the hard-drinking Irish Yank, the surly Polish Yank, the romantic, devil-may-care French Yank, the Mexican Yank with a huge family back home, the devious Italian Yank, the massive Scandinavian Yank, the scurrying, unintelligible Japanese Yank and the bullying German Yank. And, as mentioned earlier, the English only get a look in if a really nasty and calculating guy - even nastier and more calculating than the German Yank - is required. Of course none of these wins the war, saves the world, gets the gal, drives the Harley 'cos the glory is all reserved for.........................???
Major: 'General, bad news, the enemy have attacked. Look!' Switches on instant-start telly.
Telly: 'Here is the news. The enemy have attacked.'
General switches off telly without need for further info and without waiting for the football scores.
On a different tack, all HAF submarines are enormous inside, are captained by Rock Hudson and can pull 6g underwater. And the sea is always crystal-clear at xxx fathoms. And there are always some underwater cameras in just the right place, like under the North Pole, to catch the sub-v-sub action.
Every platoon/squadron has a fair mix of American ethnic types: the hard-drinking Irish Yank, the surly Polish Yank, the romantic, devil-may-care French Yank, the Mexican Yank with a huge family back home, the devious Italian Yank, the massive Scandinavian Yank, the scurrying, unintelligible Japanese Yank and the bullying German Yank. And, as mentioned earlier, the English only get a look in if a really nasty and calculating guy - even nastier and more calculating than the German Yank - is required. Of course none of these wins the war, saves the world, gets the gal, drives the Harley 'cos the glory is all reserved for.........................???