A bit of a laugh
Can I point out that in Cyprus in days gone by, Golf Dispersal would have been deserted at 1345hrs as the bar opened at One. Tea? Long Island Iced Tea maybe, but Brandy Sours and Horses Necks were the usual.
I once deployed on an Army yacht.When an 0530 departure was announced for next day, I (jokingly I thought) claimed the RAF had never heard of 0530, and that tea at 0700 would be acceptable. I was duly woken at said time with said beverage.
I once deployed on an Army yacht.When an 0530 departure was announced for next day, I (jokingly I thought) claimed the RAF had never heard of 0530, and that tea at 0700 would be acceptable. I was duly woken at said time with said beverage.
Oh Lordy!
Place: a SAR Flight 'somewhere in Scotland'. Occasion, a House of Lords Defence Study Group visiting for a briefing on our aircraft and role one winter's evening a long time ago.
Our Navigator/winch operator stays to listen to phones (and watch TV), I take half a dozen Noble Lords into the hangar where the Winchie has laid out all the kit and dressed in his orange bag. Part way through the Winchie's well honed presentation one particularly bright Lord cuts in with "why do you need a winch operator, can't the pilot do that". "Not accurate enough Sir, he can't see below the aircraft". "Well, put a glass floor in""that's where the engines are, Sir" "well, what's down there?" gesturing to the fuselage aft of the cabin "put the engines down there!" "Come on Charles" says another Nob(le) Lord, "lets go to the bar!"
Our Navigator/winch operator stays to listen to phones (and watch TV), I take half a dozen Noble Lords into the hangar where the Winchie has laid out all the kit and dressed in his orange bag. Part way through the Winchie's well honed presentation one particularly bright Lord cuts in with "why do you need a winch operator, can't the pilot do that". "Not accurate enough Sir, he can't see below the aircraft". "Well, put a glass floor in""that's where the engines are, Sir" "well, what's down there?" gesturing to the fuselage aft of the cabin "put the engines down there!" "Come on Charles" says another Nob(le) Lord, "lets go to the bar!"
Last edited by Al-bert; 11th Jun 2013 at 21:54.
A bit of a laugh would be incomplete without a story from Ascot airlines regarding the superiority of the Air Load Master, and their antics.
A certain MALM, P*** T***, was part of a crew taking some, I heard, Coldstream Guardsmen on a training deployment to Kenya. On the way down, and whilst suffering a delay to departure from their overnight stop, our hero decides that as he is at least the equivalent of an RSM, and they had an hour to spare, he would exercise the troops, who, by that time had been delivered to Albert. Come on you lot he shouts, fall in, in three's at the rear of the aircraft.
Imagine the scene. MALM PT on ramp, giving orders to about 40 Coldstream Guardsmen, marching in threes behind the aircraft. Left turn, Right Turn, About turn. Then it started to rain, and as always in Africa, a bloody deluge ensued. This in no way affected our MALM who continued to drill the troops, from the dry, luxury of the aircraft ramp. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he was surprised to see the Senior, SNCO from the army detachment smiling at him, "very nice bit of drill P***", but can you excuse the Colonel the drill in the rain, he's getting on a bit and it might not be good for him.
Anyone who served on the Herk fleet will know numerous stories of this "legend of a loadie", I hope this one brings a smile.
Smudge
A certain MALM, P*** T***, was part of a crew taking some, I heard, Coldstream Guardsmen on a training deployment to Kenya. On the way down, and whilst suffering a delay to departure from their overnight stop, our hero decides that as he is at least the equivalent of an RSM, and they had an hour to spare, he would exercise the troops, who, by that time had been delivered to Albert. Come on you lot he shouts, fall in, in three's at the rear of the aircraft.
Imagine the scene. MALM PT on ramp, giving orders to about 40 Coldstream Guardsmen, marching in threes behind the aircraft. Left turn, Right Turn, About turn. Then it started to rain, and as always in Africa, a bloody deluge ensued. This in no way affected our MALM who continued to drill the troops, from the dry, luxury of the aircraft ramp. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he was surprised to see the Senior, SNCO from the army detachment smiling at him, "very nice bit of drill P***", but can you excuse the Colonel the drill in the rain, he's getting on a bit and it might not be good for him.
Anyone who served on the Herk fleet will know numerous stories of this "legend of a loadie", I hope this one brings a smile.
Smudge
Join Date: Apr 2010
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Anyone who served on the Herk fleet will know numerous stories of this "legend of a loadie"
RCAF On the Job performance requirement:
"Without assistance from an NCM, and lacking a menu, be able to order a nutritious meal from the hotel room service."
BPF
RCN(R)
"Without assistance from an NCM, and lacking a menu, be able to order a nutritious meal from the hotel room service."
BPF
RCN(R)
Last edited by Big Pistons Forever; 13th Jun 2013 at 01:21.
I have this P*** T*** story which involves him, down route, with a crew who decided to "wind him up". As the aircraft was started, with PT outside on his long lead, the lead was disconnected, thrown from the crew door and the door closed. The aircraft then started to Taxy, with the "front end" passing PT with the obligatory "Victory" gesture.
As they drew level with the exit from the pan the Captain had a quick double take, and realised the joke was on them. To the left of the taxiway entry was a line of luggage, neatly lined up. You guessed it, the Captain, Co, Nav and the Flt Eng were looking at their own bags. You did not get far if you tried it on with PT
And for dessert:
A rumour went around the Albert fleet, as I was " a Gee eee ing ", about a very well braid bounded Navigator, who, arrived at the aircraft with the "Royals" bags. Pilot and Co, both lowly Flt Lts, placed their bags on the aircraft and got back on the bus to go to flight planning. The Nav dropped his bags near the crew door and shouted to PT "keep an eye on my bags will you loadie" and joined them on the bus. All went as well as one could get on yet another majestic Albert intercontinental sojourn to the west.
9 hours or so later, on arrival at St Johns, Newfie. Our Nav is having difficulty locating his luggage. On asking PT "I say Loadie, where are my bags ?" He was informed that as requested, he (PT) had kept an eye on the bags, right up until the point of taxiing, at which point he observed the Groundcrew, with safety in mind, moving them off to the side of the parking bay to allow the aircraft to taxy out. "I suppose they are by the Houchin on Bay 27 sir" says he.
The man truly is a legend, mainly because, despite his obvious humour, he was also respected for his proffessionalism, reflected in his maintaining a high Cat and MALM status. Them was the daze, as they say in these parts.
Smudge
As they drew level with the exit from the pan the Captain had a quick double take, and realised the joke was on them. To the left of the taxiway entry was a line of luggage, neatly lined up. You guessed it, the Captain, Co, Nav and the Flt Eng were looking at their own bags. You did not get far if you tried it on with PT
And for dessert:
A rumour went around the Albert fleet, as I was " a Gee eee ing ", about a very well braid bounded Navigator, who, arrived at the aircraft with the "Royals" bags. Pilot and Co, both lowly Flt Lts, placed their bags on the aircraft and got back on the bus to go to flight planning. The Nav dropped his bags near the crew door and shouted to PT "keep an eye on my bags will you loadie" and joined them on the bus. All went as well as one could get on yet another majestic Albert intercontinental sojourn to the west.
9 hours or so later, on arrival at St Johns, Newfie. Our Nav is having difficulty locating his luggage. On asking PT "I say Loadie, where are my bags ?" He was informed that as requested, he (PT) had kept an eye on the bags, right up until the point of taxiing, at which point he observed the Groundcrew, with safety in mind, moving them off to the side of the parking bay to allow the aircraft to taxy out. "I suppose they are by the Houchin on Bay 27 sir" says he.
The man truly is a legend, mainly because, despite his obvious humour, he was also respected for his proffessionalism, reflected in his maintaining a high Cat and MALM status. Them was the daze, as they say in these parts.
Smudge
Last edited by smujsmith; 13th Jun 2013 at 19:27.
