You're a sad bunch
 

I came back early from summer holidays, as the kids and I were missing hubby too much. Every time I go shopping I notice loads of very lost and lonely looking men wandering around aimlessly with their baskets, looking very sorry for themselves. Don't worry lads, before you know it - the family will be back, and you will be wishing for peace and quite again.

Hope this brings a little smile in the meantime.

You know you have lived in the Middle East too long when:

1. You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat.
2. You serve coffee in a thimble.
3. You expect the confirmation of your airline reservation to be
"inshallah".
4. You think everyone's first name is Al.
5. You need a sweater when it's 25 degrees.
6. You expect everyone to own a mobile phone.
7. Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid.
8. You understand "no problem" means follow up.
9. You think skis were developed for use on sand dunes.
10. You believe that speed limits are only advisory.
11. You expect to see tractors driving at 10 kilometres per hour on
a Motorway.
12. You expect the police to drive Mercedes.
13. You think black is appropriate day wear.
14. You refuse to go swimming in the Gulf unless the water
temperature is in the mid 30's.
15. You wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out.
16. You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankle.
17. You don't question how a photo ID card works for women
wearing abayas.
18. You think carpets belong on the wall.
19. You know which end of a shwarma to unwrap first.
20. You think the further you inch into the middle of the
intersection the faster the lights will turn green.
21. You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time
interval between the lights turning green and the time that
the bloke behind you begins to blow his horn.
22. You give directions by landmarks instead of road names.
23. You can receive every television station except the local
station.
24. You get used to using the cold tap to get hot water during
summer.
25. You can't buy anything without asking for discount.
26. You have more carpets than floor space.
27. You expect all shops to stay open until midnight.
28. You make left turns from the far right lane.
29. You think Kleenex belongs on the dinner table.
30. You prefer designer abayas.
31. You think the biggest event of the year is the camel races.
32. You think water only comes in bottles.
33. You have no idea how to wash your car.
34. You have no idea were your petrol tank is.
35. You measure a person by his address and the car he drives.
36. You don't know how to pack your own shopping.
1. The best parking space is determined by shade, not distance.
2. Hot water comes out of both taps.
3. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
4. The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly.
5. You discover that in August it only takes two fingers to steer
your car.
6. You discover that you can get badly sunburned through your
car window - even on a very short trip.
7. You develop a fear of metal car door handles.
8. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside your
house in the morning.
9. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the footpath and cook to death?"
10. You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.
11. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to prevent
them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
12. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
13. The trees are whistling for the dogs.
14. While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you
do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.
15. You catch a cold from having the aircon full blast while you
sleep during the night.
16. You'd rather be at work in the air conditioning than
anywhere else in the world.
17. If you have no air conditioning at work, you take an unpaid
day off to stay home in the air conditioning.
18. The thought that you have no air conditioning at work or at
home reduces you to tears.
19. Your tears evaporate before they hit your cheeks.

Thanx for all the information, but what is the point ?

Duh!
It's a joke!!!!!:hmm:

geo2Gambler

Well,maybe you don't live in Middle East so can't relate to the humour.Perhaps not the forum for it ,if that's what you mean but made me chuckle anyway..........!
p.s Love supermarket shopping.spend hours wandering around with my basket eyeing up all the birds.frozen food section the best....if you get my point!:)

Geo2gambler, please tell me you are not serious - this is not information just a bit of lightheartedness for all the blokes that were left here for the summer. I couldn't put it on any other forum, as if you don't live in the Middle East, you will not understand it.

BYMONEK - I noticed a lot of Aussie guys hanging around the lamb section.;)

Oh, I thought they were Kiwis:{ :{

And the Taffs were hanging around the sheepskin section:E

Hey Dumpvalve,

The "best half" is now back in DXB and I appreciate the input. Thanks so much for the laugh; added to my "what you love most about the Middle East" file.

Cheers

Dune

geo2gambler ....

dumpvalve is a pilot's wife and involved with the "Boys of Summer" syndrome.

She has an answer for anything to do with with emirates or the middle east and they reflect the wonderfully and refreshingly different angle of The Pilot's Wife.

No one listens to her all that much but, like a lovely aroma of a fresh rose, she continues to hang around and we are all the better off for it, too.




edited for being too much of an arsehole (apparently)

Muttley Crew

I seem to recall dumpvalve giving some poor contributor a right old earful when they called it the " Middle East" She told them it was the "Gulf" Now she is doing it herself!!

Welcome back from your hols dumpvalve. We all look forward to your aeronautical opinions.

Aaaah, the two nicest guys on the forum, dear old Muttley Crew and Millerscourt. One just has to read any of your previous posts to know that the two of you will do anything to turn every post into a negative one. I will not stoop to your level and retaliate. I hope the two of you have a lovely day. By the way, you can always put me on your ignore list you know.

For everyone else with a sense of humour, I hope you had a good chukkle.

Dumpvalve

My My we are touchy!! Cannot see how my post could cause you any problems as I made no comment on your post except to remind all and sundry how you pounced on some poor person some time ago. Can I just ask that you only make comments in future on Pprune on non aviation matters and answer questions like:

Can I bring my dog to Dubai??

What is the school situation in Dubai?

Any other matters that wives might like to know about life in general in Dubai. etc etc

I would not dream of putting you on my ignore list darling as I like to have a laugh now and then :ok:

Thank you for the great advice though. I will try not to write about aviation, if you try and not write about life or aviation in Dubai. We know you would give your right ^%&* to be here, but cannot make the grade. Don't feel too bad about it - it is not you personally, they just happen to have high standards. By the way, have you taken my previous advice and gone to see a shrink yet about your Emirates obsession?

Best Regards,
DV

Over the last few years, the summer bachelor brigade in Dubai have been known as WANKERS* (for ‘Wife Away, No Kids, Eating Rubbish’).

If they ever came to Dubai, ‘millerscourt’ and ‘Muttley Crew’ would also probably be called that same name… but perhaps without the explanatory note to follow.

That's true... it's been a hell of a dry spell so what else is there??? :eek: :O they don't call it a desert for nothing.

Welcome back dumpvalve from the annual pilgrimage. hope you still recognise your villa/city/husband and you haven't found the maid's gear in your drawers (as happens now and then in the sandpit.......:* )

Please post regularly because it's become a little boring around here. I value your posts and I look forward to your aeronautical opinions because you always provide amusement and ammo and that's what i look for in a good thread!!

Other than that it's been a slow day around here............... :E

Dumpvalve

How wrong you are. I have not even bothered applying to EK as I don't want to take a paycut!!

When the EK DEC first came up i made it clear that I thought it was a short term contract which would be reflected in the Salary and when i found otherwise I lost interest.

I suggest you look up your comments that you made very soon after the EK JNB incident to see why I suggested that you stay off matters of an aeronautical nature. Would you like me to remind everyone what you said.:confused:

As regards the smell that Muttley suggested. I think that was far too personal and I am sure that you smell just lovely. Tell me what perfume do you use as perhaps I should familiarise myself with it and then when I am next in Dubai I might perhaps get a "whiff" of you and who knows it might just be the start of a long loving relationship.:{

Oh I see it has just stopped raining here so I must now leave my highrise condo and go down to the local Cold Storage and join the " sad bunch brigade" We have them here as well youknow :ok:

Millerscourt and Muttley Crew - you are a couple of condescending,spiteful individuals who spend your time attacking other P.Pruners and getting very personal on a regular basis. Muttley Crew, you have even been temporary banned from time to time on P.Prune for some of your spiteful comments. The two of you have turned a lighthearted thread into a slanging match. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.

Dumpvalve, I've only been to the Middle East a few times, but it was enough to find the original post very funny.

As for the other two individuals, they appear to be getting great pleasure from being abusive towards a woman. Think that speaks all it needs to.

Dumpvalve - it was a good first post.

Muttley Crew, you are a very negative man about many things, don't know why, but try looking on the bright side.

Millerscourt - yes, you are obsessed with this forum aren't you, for someone who lives and works out of mud island :confused: :confused:

Keep it coming DV, nice to see an optimist on this forum:ok: :ok:

millerscourt

You didn't bother applying as you didn't want to take a pay cut?
Fine,if your happy 'paying' to live in your house.Of course,that's now an option here in Dubai as well but people forget that the pay would increase by another $20,000 p.a .if you moved out of Company accom.Of course,in EK all utilities are free which i suppose is the same for you.....oh,you have to pay for your water and electricity and council tax....and gas! You'll be telling me you have to pay national insurance and 40% income tax next!......You do,my god,how on earth do you manage to send you children to private school and afford to drive them in those overpriced cars in UK. Well,at least you only pay around 18p/liter for petrol eh.............you don't? My god,and you thought YOU would take a pay cut!Well,you can always console yourself with an ice cold beer down at the private health club/marina overlooking the Gulf. Would love to stay and chat but the maid and the gardener both need paying.......you know how it is!

MuttleyCrew

From my experience of UK charter flying,there's just as much chance of infidelity taking place as there is here in Dubai.Unless of course your fat,ugly and boring.......then you have to pay for it!

Dumpvalve

I thought it was funny.Makes you wonder why these people seem obsessed with this Forum when they have little supposed interest eh? ;)

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your positive comments.

Regards,
DV

DV ...nice post, a bit long but had a good chuckle with some of the points....

As for poor mutt, he was temporarily banned from pprune oh let's see about a month back when he was desperately trying to get in to Air India :p , poor fellow , now he's got his tag teammate , millerscourt too....
I wouldn't pay much heed to their comments....
Keep the positive posts coming girl......Inshallah,
masalama....

HAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAA.....!!!!! ! :D :) :O :confused: :yuk:

you thought I was serious??? No really, you did???

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA....!!!!!

What can I say to you then... yeah I'd LOVE to go work/live/retire there....

HAHAHHAAAAAAAAHAHAAAA..... I knew I couldn't say that and keep a straight face.

Now everyone stop giving Dumpster a hard time, she made a funny and it was a good one too. Me I'm just here to amuse myself when I'm bored and make use of the abundance of knowledge to be found here which are two perfectly good reasons to peruse these threads.

People like MySalami always provide the first, at the very least.

I like Enchiladas......






Air India.... good one mate I like it...
Hahahaaaahahahahaaaahahahaaaaaaaahaheeeeeeheeheheheeeehehehe eehheheheeehehe....... something about a hook, line and sinker... :ok:

millers, mutley,
you just dont get it. you wont get many negative comments about all things dubai/ek from the guys there because:

1 They have no choice but to like it (in public)

2 If they get caught not liking it and especially not liking it on this forum they will loose the fantatsic lifestyle in a flash. (so far no sarcasm intended).

3 if no2 happens(pun intended) they may well find themselves back where they came from wondering why virgin or bmi wont give them a job on a big plane based on their rating written on a camel race betting slip.

4 they may well find themselves floating around the expat subether on the usual sing/ hk/other m.e. carriers circuit in a desperate bid to avoid no 3 and night corfu..

5 finally jermerah jane sounds better than mersy bank martha so captain may find his wife earning her silver rolex (front door) and even gold rolex (also known as brown wings or back door to the uninitiated )
and leaving him for chap with sand in his jock strap

Now before i get attacked by the dubai flat earth society.... number one and two are serious points vis a vis one of the penalties of working in dubai, and three and four and five are wind ups.
Just so you know. subtle humour is not pprunes strong point. too many opinionated mongs of which i'm proud to say i'm one :8

oh and my grammar and spelling are cr@p as well so dont bother patronising me about that. Dumpvavle...over to you if your back from lunch with the girls at ek towers or some such edifice.

Hi Dicksy,

Allow me to reiterate - my original post was a light-hearted take on life in the region, intended hopefully to put a smile on the face of anybody here over the hot summer holidays. A pity then, that you and other like-minded EK fetishists had to politicize the topic.

By the way, is plagiarizing an Austin Powers movie character (and a female one, at that) for a username the best you can do? Mind you, 'Cretin' was probably taken already...

FIFTEEN ALL!:ooh:

Hey you are tarnishing my reputation :):)

Mutt http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/mic...anim_small.gif

Looks like you don't need a sense of humour to be a pilot but you need need a sense of humour to be married to one!:cool:

No fear of that Mutt - your posts are far too clever to be mistaken for the above mentioned person.

BigGeorgie - never mind a sense of humour, you would deserve a sainthood to be married to a "couple" of the pilots??? on this thread.

Dumpvalve, I enjoyed your post. Although I did take issue to one point, and that was judging a perfect ten from looking at the ankles. I can't remember the last time I saw a womans ankles while wearing an Abayah. I have been known to elbow my mates, and say "gawwww look at that ones eyes!!!!", or "I reckon from the shape of her abayah she has a !!!! hot body!!!".

On an aviation note, to all the Arabic pilots out there, just a tip, it does not instill confidence in a controller when you readback an ATC requirement, and tack on "Inshallah" at the end. It's not "god willing", it is either you will do it, or not, if not tell me and I will shaft you in a different and more exciting way. cheers.

Nice post Dumpvalve,

I have been in this part of the world since 1981 and I had a chuckle at your post, so much of it actually happens here.

Can vouch for the perfect ten - six and half years in Saudi will do that.

:}

Dumpvalve,

maybe my dig at your lunch, or indeed the wine at lunch clouded your vision. I tried to point out that 3 of of five points were a wind up. I obviously didnt make myself clear enough, but it does enforce the poor humour/ego ratio on pprune.(and its not in favour of humour). As for points 1 and 2, stating a fact is not politicising anything.

now toodle off and instruct your subcontinet housestaff to dust something,or indulge your expat brats while theirs suffer in a dubai slum. , theres a dear. They have to listen to you.

(ps its another wind up)



Long live the dubai flat earth society:ok:

Hi Dicksy (or is it Liz?),

I stand corrected: 'politicizing' was a bad choice of word. What I should have said was 'going off on a tangent at every given opportunity.' Your comments had no relevence to the original thread whatsoever, thinly veiled as a wind up or not.

C'mon, level with us: why does EK irk you so much? Perhaps you should change your username to Shrek - you're about the same colour...

Now, slither away, there's a good boy - and let the grown-ups have a laugh or two.

(pps. just another wind up?)

At last a light in the darkness.

No not green, just a sh1t stirrer,

as for slithering ,consider it done ma'am:}

Hey Dumpvalve. Don't worry be happy. They all MCP's. Have some respect you Guys

30 ALL OR DUECE?....I'VE LOST TRACK!:confused:

MYONEK

Poor girl, she gets sh@t on for posting something funny. Made me laugh anyway. A bitof good humour is welcome. No wonder so much divorce amongst pilots and wives and X5's

BYMONEK - Aww come on Mr Umpire, my last ball was defnitely in.

AirNoServiceAustralia and Driftdown - There are days when an Abayah looks pretty tempting, when you are having a bad hair day, or running very late in getting the kids to school, you could just shove it on over the pyjamas - that would give me a whole half hour extra in the morning, very tempting.

tic - Thank you. The Middle East thread is so full of doom and gloom these days, mostly by guys that don't even work or live here. I thought a bit of lightheartedness was needed.

Regards,
D.V.

I knew I'd been in the Middle East too long when I thought that Pepsi was spelt with a B.

And when I started to look at ladies ankles..............

4HP

exactly... so can we now consider ourselves to have kissed and made up??? :=

Hey Dumpster, speaking of "handles" (not the sort on your hips) I have to say "Dumpvalve" is about as subtle as a kick in the groin and produces somewhat vivid connotations best not imagined. You don't have a leg to stand on nagging others' IDs.

"Muttley Crew", now there's a fine title....

This post started off slow with a recycled gag....but now its getting good!!