Get comfortable. Make our day.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Get comfortable. Make our day.
Attention Emirates pilots.
You should now have received the final word on the availability of First or Business class seats for rest on ULR flights.
We are looking at making an example of someone. It would make our day. We thank all those company minded pursers for bringing this matter to our attention.
Just so we are quite clear, note the following.
We will not tolerate the use of First or Business class seats for your rest if a Crew Rest Compartment (CRC) is installed. There are several reasons for this:
To allow your use of these seats would be a tacit admission on our part that the CRC is not suitable for rest. We ordered the 777’s in this configuration in the full knowledge that the rest facility is diabolical. We laugh at how some 60 year old senior captains have to perform personal contortions in one of the toilets to change into their pajamas, walk through the cabin looking like a low class economy passenger, ascend some stairs, and then scurry along bent over double to crawl into the smallest bunk in the tube. Why do we laugh? Because we can.
We used to state that we considered our captains to be senior managers. Of course we never thought that. In fact, that statement has been removed from the FOM. We no longer feel the need to keep that pretence up. We don’t want non-managers cluttering up our First and Business class areas. Shuffle along to your hovel down the back.
No point in complaining to the medical department. They produced the colourful diagrams explaining how to prepare and rest on these never before seen Ultra Long Haul flights. Under our direction. Full marks to a previous poster. We will consider a flight to be a pairing if it suits our purposes.
We note that there have been no recent posts indicating that your conditions must go up. Well done. You have obviously listened to what we said in our previous post. Now with a possible recession looming, you can see how clever our tactics are. No improvement when things are good equals absolutely no need for improvement when things aren’t so good.
Now read the title of the post again. You have been warned.
Thank you. Keep up the hard work. You have no option.
EK Management
You should now have received the final word on the availability of First or Business class seats for rest on ULR flights.
We are looking at making an example of someone. It would make our day. We thank all those company minded pursers for bringing this matter to our attention.
Just so we are quite clear, note the following.
We will not tolerate the use of First or Business class seats for your rest if a Crew Rest Compartment (CRC) is installed. There are several reasons for this:
To allow your use of these seats would be a tacit admission on our part that the CRC is not suitable for rest. We ordered the 777’s in this configuration in the full knowledge that the rest facility is diabolical. We laugh at how some 60 year old senior captains have to perform personal contortions in one of the toilets to change into their pajamas, walk through the cabin looking like a low class economy passenger, ascend some stairs, and then scurry along bent over double to crawl into the smallest bunk in the tube. Why do we laugh? Because we can.
We used to state that we considered our captains to be senior managers. Of course we never thought that. In fact, that statement has been removed from the FOM. We no longer feel the need to keep that pretence up. We don’t want non-managers cluttering up our First and Business class areas. Shuffle along to your hovel down the back.
No point in complaining to the medical department. They produced the colourful diagrams explaining how to prepare and rest on these never before seen Ultra Long Haul flights. Under our direction. Full marks to a previous poster. We will consider a flight to be a pairing if it suits our purposes.
We note that there have been no recent posts indicating that your conditions must go up. Well done. You have obviously listened to what we said in our previous post. Now with a possible recession looming, you can see how clever our tactics are. No improvement when things are good equals absolutely no need for improvement when things aren’t so good.
Now read the title of the post again. You have been warned.
Thank you. Keep up the hard work. You have no option.
EK Management
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Anyone notice that this pillock does not use a comma anywhere in his rantings, do you think for one minute he really is management. Absolute time waster in my opinion and I cetainly look forward to meeting him/her on a quiet dark night. Also, notice the post and run tactic....
Join Date: Sep 2007
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The sad thing is that its not really a satire at all and that his words do reflect to a certain extent the sentiment of senior management towards pilots. Despite the looming threat of global recession I can't help wondering if it is all not goingto blow up in their faces. So many aircraft - so few people. Probably not management though - never known one of them to have a sense of humour.
Join Date: Aug 2007
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But he scores a big zero on the originality stakes, the original "The Management" appeared in his satirical form on the Cathay forum some time ago. EK Management may seem original and funny now but ask any CX driver, what appears humorous will be a pain in the arse in a years time. 
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F@#$%^* Hilarious!, keep up the good work management! I wish Ed et-al had your sense of humour.
Kwachy - take a "chill Pill" Bro. The guy obviously got the idea from Fragrant Harbour but who gives a $%^ it's SPOT ON
Kwachy - take a "chill Pill" Bro. The guy obviously got the idea from Fragrant Harbour but who gives a $%^ it's SPOT ON
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STOP PRESS!!!!! I was so completely shagged out on my last ULH that I actually SLEPT in the CRC!!!!
This is a first for me.
... or maybe I'm just getting used to it.
This is a first for me.
... or maybe I'm just getting used to it.
Last edited by 7x7; 1st Feb 2008 at 09:25.
