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-   -   Panicked and Hysterical Phone Call From The Mrs (https://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/520496-panicked-hysterical-phone-call-mrs.html)

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 18:25

Panicked and Hysterical Phone Call From The Mrs
Just got off the phone with the Mrs. who called in a panic and hysterically crying. (She's such a girl.) The reason? Seems a black snake decided to pay a visit to our upper deck. (I haven't a clue how it managed that feat.) She wanted to know what she should do as she had just been grocery shopping and was afraid to go outside in fear of "being attacked". When I asked her if she thought the snake would go all airborne and shit and dive head first off the upper deck to attack her, she didn't think it was too funny. She then asked if she should "call the police." I said no, don't call the police, call the FBI and they'll send out a Hostage Rescue Team considering the snake is keeping the Mrs. hostage in the house. (Not that the snake knows that mind you.) I told her if the FBI isn't a good idea then maybe a phone call to the CT State police who might send out a SWAT team to assist in disposing of this monster. That wasn't deemed funny either.

What is it with girls anyway? Why are they so, well, girly?

Geez. It's only a 5' long snake anyway! I bet it tastes good too after a nice slow roast over a spit.

Lon More 1st Aug 2013 18:27

Doesn't she have access to your weapons? Should be a no brainer against an RPG.

500N 1st Aug 2013 18:30

"What is it with girls anyway? Why are they so, well, girly?"

I would have thought you knew that by now considering this is your second :O

And I bet you don't complain about the very nice girly aspects at night ;)

But yes, you are right, mine has the same fear of Spiders and Mice !!!

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 18:30


She does have access to my weapons. HOWEVER, the Mrs. weighs all of 118 lbs. (Dunno what that is in kg or stone). The recoil from any of my stash would send her to the next county. :}:}:}


"girly aspects at night". Night is for sleeping 500N. I thought you would have known that. No time for hanky-panky at night.
That's what the rest of the day is for! :ok::ok::ok:

500N 1st Aug 2013 18:36

Well, after your not so funny comments, I don't think ANY Hanky Panky
is on the cards at any time of the day :O

Lon More 1st Aug 2013 18:39

This doesn't look too bad

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 18:41

Call #2. The Mrs. called to say she just threw a can of Campbell's Tomato soup at it hoping it would leave. She said the snake was "checking out the can" then parked its butt next to the door from the deck and was looking into the house. I said to her maybe it doesn't like Campbell's Tomato Soup and was simply going to inquire for something better. (Oddly, that wasn't deemed comical either.)

And, you're right 500N. I can forget hanky-panky for the rest of today after I get home. "The snake might be under the bed." "Yes dear. It's a Ranger snake and kicked in the front door, bounding up the steps only to hide under the bed afterwards in ambush-mode."

Stay tuned to the continuing saga of.... "Taken Hostage By a Black Rat Snake Which Doesn't Like Campbell's Tomato Soup."

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 18:46


Thanks for the suggestion about the AK74 with no recoil.
I think I'll pass on that, as far as the Mrs. is concerned, and let her continue to lob grenades/Campbell soup cans at the snake.

It'll eventually get bored and scoot off I'm sure.

Dak Man 1st Aug 2013 18:52

I'm with Mrs RGB, I fekin detest snakes, how I coped in the African bush is beyond my comprehension. I soiled myself when I was shown the skin of a 25ft + python, you could smell my anxiety and fear.

RJM 1st Aug 2013 18:58

Keep it coming, rgbrock. This is hilarious.

When she's calmed down, you might ask her to read this:

Short Stories: The Drover's Wife by Henry Lawson

She'll realise that her troubles are few.

Limeygal 1st Aug 2013 19:00

I think I would have gone with the chicken noodle :uhoh:

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 19:03

Well, I do know if Mr. Snake is still there when I get home later he won't be for much longer. :E


I think Campbell's chicken noodle has more mass than tomato soup so, yes, it might have worked better. :E:}

500N 1st Aug 2013 19:05


You'd hate living in the Aus Bush then, like a farm house.
Bloody snakes are always coming in or around.

Talking of Python's, where I go up north, their used to be
a big 12 - 15 ft one that lived in a mahogany tree which
you had to walk under to go to the loo.

It used to hang down and pluck Wallabies and Possums that got too close !

Lon More 1st Aug 2013 19:07

she obviously forgot to throw it a tin opener

VP959 1st Aug 2013 19:14

I was going to ask if the can was open or not. I have this vision of one really pissed off snake covered from head to tail in soup.............

Dak Man 1st Aug 2013 19:15


I suppose I'd just put up with as I did in the good ole days. They still make my skin crawl though, even now just talking about it makes me feel uncomfortable.

500N 1st Aug 2013 19:17

They are not my favorite thing either !!!

rgbrock1 1st Aug 2013 19:24


The Mrs., resorting to weapons of mass destruction, boiled some water on the stove and heaved the contents at the snake afterwards.

Outcome? Still there. Alive and well too.

She's now asked me if there's something I can do. RIGHT NOW.
"Yes dear. Let me get on the phone and contact the 10th Mountain Division in upstate NY. I'm sure they have a few spare 155mm artillery rounds they can fire in support."

I told her I'd be leaving shortly (I won't) and I'll deal with it when I get home.

What a sissy.

VP959 1st Aug 2013 19:35

Pictures, we need pictures!

Get her to send you some snaps and post them here, this is such a brilliant tale it really needs illustrating.

On second thoughts, keep the snake and give us regular tales of it's adventures. Could be as brilliant as the much lamented Foss and his "A Dogs Life".............

500N 1st Aug 2013 19:35


I suggest you phone your wife up and tell her that it is not wise
to piss it off and best let it find a nice warm spot to curl up in
and go to sleep.

Then you can kill it when you get home.

If you did what she did to some of the snakes in Aus she'd have been bitten by now.

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