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-   -   War in Australia (any Oz Politics): the Original (https://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/477678-war-australia-any-oz-politics-original.html)

Ken Borough 23rd Jan 2014 23:30

This article was just sent to me. I don't know who wrote it but it's a bloody good satirical effort. ;)

$7.30 BREAKING NEWS: Indonesian Navy invades Australian territorial waters

$7.30's Lee Sails interviews Tony Abbott over reports three Indonesian Naval vessels have entered Australiaís territorial waters near Darwin.

Studio: And now to some breaking news. Reports are coming in that three Indonesian Naval vessels have entered Australiaís territorial waters near Darwin. Eyewitnesses report the vessels were escorting four boats containing asylum seekers that they had towed from Indonesia to Australia.

We cross now to our chief naval reporter, Lee Sails, in Canberra where the Prime Minister has agreed to come out of hiding to answer some questions.

Lee Sails: Good morning Prime Minister. What can you tell us about the presence of the Indonesian Navy in Australian waters?

Tony Abbott: Well, let me make this crystal clear, Lee, crystal clear. Australia will not tolerate any unauthorized incursions into Australian territory. Iíve written a letter to President Yudhoyono, making that crystal clear. We have put the entire Australian fleet on standby and many ships on duty in the Middle-East have been recalled to defend the homeland.

Lee Sails: Isnít that an over-reaction, Prime Minister?

Tony Abbott: No, itís not an over-reaction, Lee. This is a very serious matter. It is an incursion into our sovereign territory. Darwin could be wiped off the map. That is why our response has been to work our way slowly, and carefully, and methodically through the situation as it now stands.

Lee Sails: So what exactly are you proposing to do?

Tony Abbott: We have a plan, Lee, we have a plan. A positive plan for Australiaís defence. I have put the country on a war footing and upgraded Operation Sovereign Borders to Operation Homeland Defence. Scott Morrison has been appointed Minister for War and First Lord of the Admiralty.

Lee Sails: First Lord of the Admiralty? Isnít that a British appointment?

Tony Abbott: Thatís right, Lee. But under my emergency powers, Iíve made a leaderís call and reinstated the British Honours System. Lord Morrison will make a statement soon. I understand he has promoted Lieutenant General Angus Campbell to Generalissimo in charge of Operation Homeland Defence.

Lee Sails: But Mr Abbott, isnít it possible that this intrusion may have been inadvertent, perhaps as a result of a navigational error?

Tony Abbott: Well, frankly, thatís a ridiculous proposition, Lee, if I may say so. Heh, heh. You donít have to be a tech head to know the Indonesian navy has all the latest satellite navigational equipment. You wouldnít exactly be a suppository of wisdom if you thought that they didnít know exactly where they were. I think you insult your viewersí intelligence if you are asking them to believe such a ludicrous suggestion.

Lee Sails: When itís all boiled down, isnít Indonesia just doing what your government did in turning asylum seeker boats back to Indonesia?

Tony Abbott: Not at all. Thereís a world of difference, a world of difference, between the way boats were turned back to Indonesia and the way the Indonesians are turning them back to Australia. For a start there is no bilateral agreement on them doing this. It all seems very high-handed and belligerent of them to be acting in this way.

Lee Sails: How is it different? You didnít seek Indonesiaís approval before you imposed your policy of turning boats back on them, despite their clear and strong objections.

Tony Abbott: Now, Lee, heh heh, I think you are, ah, confusing the issue here. I donít want get bogged down in the technicalities. The point is not to provide sport for public discussion; the point is to stop the threat to our borders. And Lee, Lee, ... if I may just add another point there. And itís an important point. When we turned boats back to Indonesia, it was always under the proviso that it was safe to do so. Now, if Indonesia has towed these boats all the way from Java to Darwin, thatís hardly a safe undertaking at sea.

Lee Sails: So what will Foreign Minister Julie Bishopís role be in this emergency?

Tony Abbott: Well, combat is no place for a woman, Lee. Now I know Julie has, if I may say so, a bit of sex appeal, but everyone knows women can get overemotional in these situations. So, at this time, Iíve suggested she may like to catch up on some ironing in Perth while the rest of the cabinet looks after this matter. Sheíll have free travel entitlements to fly home, of course.

Lee Sails: You say that combat is no place for a woman. But didnít you tell a group of young netballers during the election campaign that a bit of body contact never hurt anyone?

Tony Abbott: Now you are twisting my words, Lee. Can I just scotch this idea that the Coalition's policy is or ever has been to exclude women. Our policy, which we've repeated till we're blue in the face, is that we reserve the right to appoint people on the basis of merit. Besides, as Andrew Bolt says, the blokes get on a lot better when there are no women around.

Lee Sails: So, who will take the role of acting foreign minister?

Tony Abbott: Iíve appointed Senator Bernardi to that position. Heís been waiting in the wings for a long time now. This is a delicate situation where we needed someone with widely recognized diplomatic credentials who can deal sensitively with the Indonesians.

Lee Sails: Mr Abbott, can you assure the Australian public that you will not raise tensions between Australia and our nearest neighbour over this matter?

Tony Abbott: I can give Australians an absolute rolled gold cast-iron clad guarantee that I wonít keep making grandiose promises that I canít keep. Iíve never done it in the past and Iím not going to start now.

Lee Sails: Iím sorry, Prime Minister, weíve just had word that the Indonesian Foreign Minister, Marty Natalegawa, is in our Jakarta studio. So Iíll just cross briefly to him.

Mr Natelegawa, a lot of Australians are asking why Indonesian naval vessels have breached our borders near Darwin to tow four flimsy boats on a dangerous voyage to Darwin. How do you explain your countryís actions?

Marty Natalegawa: Well, the boats werenít flimsy at all. We found these people drifting off shore in Indonesian waters in brand new state of the art lifeboats. When we checked, we discovered that the lifeboats were owned by the Australian Navy and registered in the name of the Australian Government.

So, we are just doing the neighbourly thing and returning them to their rightful owners.

I canít see why Australia would have a problem with that.

Lee Sails: So, are you saying these boats carrying the asylum seekers were the ones purchased by the Australian Government recently to ensure the safety of asylum seekers at sea?

Marty Natalegawa: That is correct.

Lee Sails: So, how do you respond to that, Mr Abbott?

Tony Abbott: Can I get back to you on that, Lee? Iíll have to take advice from Peta to know what the governmentís position is on this one ....

500N 23rd Jan 2014 23:34

That is very well done.

I also see the Age article has admitted that the AS could well have done
the harm to themselves as to think the Navy did it beggars belief.

That didn't stop them having a headline and the first paragraphs saying
the opposite but that is the MSM for you !

How anyone could hold their hands on a hot pipe to burn themselves
like that is beyond me.

Clare Prop 24th Jan 2014 00:56

Well if they can sew their mouths shut, or whatever...though I was told by someone who was a cop in Port Hedland years ago that the "stitches" were actually strips of gaffa tape and taken off as soon as the cameras had gone and it was dinner time...? Emotional blackmail is getting so tedious.

As for the blisters, from my years of rowing, the biggest callouses I had were on my thumb, never the palm. So don't think I can agree with that theory.

This posted on faceache by a lefty friend...with GLEE. They love The Grauniad and take its word as gospel.. Indonesia sends warships to patrol southern border | World news | theguardian.com :ugh:

CoodaShooda 24th Jan 2014 01:36

Jeez, "Australia is the most imminent threat". Whodathunkit?

I'm starting to think the journos at the ABC/Fairfax/Guardian have taken that James Bond movie about the maniacal, megalomanic media mogul to be an instructional video.

MTOW 24th Jan 2014 03:13

War in Australia (any Oz Politics)
Hmmm... Can't agree that the mock 'interview' with Tony Abbott was in any way clever. It read like something a first year Arts student would write for the leftie student paper, demonising the 'Tories' and squeezing in damn near every leftie 'truth' about the conservative side of politics they always trot out whenever they get the opportunity.

Getting back to facts, the alpbc is now so outside their charter I think even some within their ranks are beginning to feel uneasy , if only for their jobs.

RJM 24th Jan 2014 04:28

Heh. The Melbourne Age. I no longer read that left-wing tabloid.

Fliegenmong 24th Jan 2014 08:51

Not so sure about that MTOW, one of the far rights most strident supporters thought it very well done

Unsurprisingly in the Brisbane MSM today, everyone bar a token person thought the Marriage counselling welfare payment handout proposed by the TA gummint was a good idea! :ugh::hmm:

To be fair they did publish Swannys 'Tweet'...."what budget emergency" Hate to say it but on that Swanny you are 100% correct.....goes to show that Liberal party trick of saying one thing enough times, however many times it takes until people believe it, truth doesn't come into it!...

.....Come to think of it like that.....there's a job for AJ, and Gareth Evans in the Liberal party once they've finished screwin' the 'roo.....:uhoh:

Captain Sand Dune 25th Jan 2014 07:41

LABOR has accused the Abbott government of "manufacturing" a welfare crisis ahead of a planned crack down on young people claiming the disability pension.
Under federal government plans to overhaul the welfare system, young people who are deemed partially fit to work will no longer be able to claim disability welfare payments, News Corp Australia reports.
Social Services Minister Kevin Andrews said under the previous Labor government, young Australians were able to claim the disability pension despite their condition being minor.
Labor MP Matt Thistlethwaite rejected the claim, saying the number of people on the disability pension actually decreased between 2012 and 2013.
He said there was no need for a planned overhaul of the welfare system because Australia didn't have a welfare problem.
"They are creating and manufacturing a crisis to ensure they look like they are a government that is doing something," he told Sky News on Saturday.
The federal government is facing criticism for excluding aged pensioners, who make up the majority of the welfare expenditure, in its welfare payments review as it grapples with a budget deficit.
Finance Minister Mathias Corman said increasing workforce participation among younger people claiming the disability allowance was part of the government's agenda to reduce the budget bottom line.
"We don't think that people with temporary health conditions should be put onto the Disability Support Pension for the remainder of their working lives," he told Sky News.
"We want to help people who are able to work back into the workforce. We think that is good for them and it's obviously good for the country."
The lefties are a-squealiní Ė a good sign that the government is on the right track. With the exception I concede, of the marriage counselling bonus.
I note that in particular the government is being criticized for excluding aged pensioners from the review. Are they listening to themselves?! If thereís one group of society that is genuinely entitled to a pension, surely it is those who have worked and paid taxes all their lives. Way to keep alienating yourselves, Liarbor!

As for Woiyne, does he really think that after presiding over one of the biggest budget deficits in Australiaís history he can speak with credibility on how to manage government finances? TA was not Ďtrash talkingí our economy, he was Ďtrash talkingí Liabour.

MTOW 25th Jan 2014 07:48

War in Australia (any Oz Politics)
They have no shame,Capn S, and no one in the MSM will ever call them on the rubbish they come out with . At least they've stopped seeking out SHY for her daily quote. We can be thankful for small mercies.

Airey Belvoir 25th Jan 2014 08:16

What I find interesting - particularly given the boring and incessant ad hominen attacks on the Prime Minister by the usual suspects - is the performance we have seen in Davos.

Abbott looked and sounded like a confident, well respected Prime Minister who actually knew what he was doing. Apparently this impression is also being relayed by those at the forum who have expressed the wish that their country "had someone like him".

Must make the lefties tear their hair out - Rudd was regarded internationally as a prat and Gillard was basically ignored as a more acceptable, but nevertheless, lame duck prime minister.

500N 25th Jan 2014 08:34



Ta might be a bit boring but stable.

SOPS 25th Jan 2014 08:41

Stable, and quietly working away. No need for the 24 hour media spin, it must drive the MSM crazy.

Fliegenmong 25th Jan 2014 08:57

Abbott looked and sounded like a confident, well respected Prime Minister who actually knew what he was doing. Apparently this impression is also being relayed by those at the forum who have expressed the wish that their country "had someone like him".

Ummmm Ahhhhh Tony?? Are you kidding us? :rolleyes: Confident & well respected? Tony Abbott you're talking about right? Umm Arrrr Mr Welfare?

Who have expressed that wish Airey?, 'That they had one like him?' From where did you glean that info from? (I suspect I'll know the answer....an ever compliant MSM? :rolleyes:)

Airey Belvoir 25th Jan 2014 09:07

"Yet Abbott has used his three-day flying visit to Switzerland to full effect on every level and left a positive impression with some of the most senior business people in the world as well as "opinion formers", WEF directors and other world leaders. Chief executives of foreign corporations were asking after some of Abbott's presentations if they "could have one of him" in their country because of his clear and positive outlook.

But one senior Australian businessman told Inquirer Abbott had gone over "incredibly well" while another said he had impressed business and economic leaders with his steady and simple approach.
Japan's Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, who met Abbott at Davos, the second meeting since both were elected, has also been impressed with Abbott and is looking forward to a close working relationship in the region and within the G20.
"You don't have to be complicated or a celebrity to make an impact with some of these CEOs and Abbott was seen as a steady pair of hands who had a clear message," one of Australia's leading businessmen tells Inquirer."

Cookies must be enabled. | The Australian#

Yes, Fliegs, it's The Australian which I am sure instantly tells you it's rubbish and not to be believed - carry on with your ad hominens. However, time will prove that he's the right man for the job at the right time.

Fliegenmong 25th Jan 2014 09:30

Yes, Fliegs, it's The Australian which I am sure instantly tells you it's rubbish and not to be believed

Similarly the ABC in the other direction eh Airey?.....and as almost always the truth probably lies somewhere in between...

Mr Ummm Ahhh non Gospel truth one time would be catholic priest and defamer of the terminally ill Tony Abbott, will most certainly be the right man at the right time for the job, if you are an expectant lady, or even a young frivolous couple Uncle Ummm Ahhh will splash some cash (read my taxes) your way! He'll even extend my taxes to gay couples for counselling...[edited to say there is nothing wrong with that, so as not to offend any of the so termed leftie huggy types]

I feel so much better now the 'Budget emergency' has suddenly past, and in 4 months at that!, I remember reading letters in the MSM claiming the nations finances would be shot for generations under labor.....so glad Umm Ahh fixed things so fast that we are no longer in such dire circumstances...magical really...those silly MSM published letter writers knew not of which they spoke....:rolleyes:

500N 25th Jan 2014 09:34

"with his steady and simple approach."

"You don't have to be complicated or a celebrity to make an impact with some of these CEOs and Abbott was seen as a steady pair of hands who had a clear message," one of Australia's leading businessmen tells Inquirer.""

A though the Australian would BS on that, it does sum up his style.

I like the bit re "
don't have to be complicated or a celebrity".

Fliegenmong 25th Jan 2014 09:43

"it does sum up his style"

Simple you mean??? :E

Speaking of CEOs, no doubt the Leprechaun is delighted at having Ummm Ahhh as PM:hmm:

Airey Belvoir 25th Jan 2014 09:47

Must make the lefties tear their hair out

Last few posts - proof positive http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...s/badteeth.gif All it needs now is Effel and Kinrough to join in.

500N 25th Jan 2014 09:56


"it does sum up his style"
Simple you mean??? http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...ilies/evil.gif"

Well the Flashy Rudd didn't exactly do much, all talk, no result !

6 Years wasted by Labor, the Left, do gooder wankers apart from
setting up temples of welfare which thankfully TA is pulling down.

Fliegenmong 25th Jan 2014 10:07

Airey...if you were referring to me, I don't know?.....I do on some points stand to the right of Ghengis Khan, on others, left of centre...but overall I am objective enough to see a bigger picture, not blinded and blinkered by a one sided ideology at all costs.....see the 'Alan's not Happy' thread to see how well that's going for AJ & LC

In the mean time, I'm pleased to see the right Honourable member for Waringah has sufficiently fixed Labors mess, a mess that was going to take generations to fix, fixed so fast, that Paid Parental leave is now affordable, as is 'Back of a fag packet' policy on marriage counselling handouts......

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