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-   -   I've ate all the pies-diet advice required please. (https://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/357786-ive-ate-all-pies-diet-advice-required-please.html)

gingernut 12th Jan 2009 18:42

I've ate all the pies-diet advice required please.
Ok, this is not not pretty.


Real ale's getting replaced by a crisp white and the odd VAT, gradually the crisps/take-aways are being reduced, and Max is enjoying his 4 miles a day round Tatton Park.

But anyone else got any tips?

hellsbrink 12th Jan 2009 18:44

Lots of guinness and a double vindaloo, you'll lose 10kg overnight

Say again s l o w l y 12th Jan 2009 18:47

122kgs.........Blimey. I assume you're 7ft tall!

I have 3 tips. The first 2 are from Billy Connolly.

1. Move more.
2. Eat less.

The third is slightly more controversial, but worked for me. Get cancer. I lost 3 stone without trying. Very efficient. Risky move though!

Whirlygig 12th Jan 2009 18:50

Take your boots off before you weigh yourself :} Them's heavy is them boots.



gingernut 12th Jan 2009 18:50

Get cancer. I lost 3 stone without trying.

Gotta give it to you mate, a fantastic sense of humour, but if its all the same, I'll give it a miss for now:)

the incivil beast 12th Jan 2009 18:51

remove your shoes before stepping on the scales ...

[pedantic]BTW, shouldn't that be "I've eaten all the pies ?"[/pedantic]

Whirly, you beat me by one minute !

Radar66 12th Jan 2009 18:53

Check yer pms Ginger... :ok:

ShyTorque 12th Jan 2009 18:54

Hyperthyroidism worked for me. Eat all you like and still lose weight at a very rapid rate. Even though the double vision makes it look like there's twice as much food on the table, you can still eat it all. You have to be careful that it doesn't drop off the fork though, the shakes make it difficult to get it in your mouth. And you need the aircon turned up to maximum. The resting heart rate of over 180 bpm is a downside, it's true..... :(

SoundBarrier 12th Jan 2009 18:55

You DID eat all the pies!! :}

Something that worked for me - I lost 15Kg in about 8 weeks and it was not hard.

1. Reduce your meal sizes by 1/3rd and BE HONEST
2. Exercise - 2-6km of running (or equivalent) per day (5 days a weeks is OK)
3. For the initial 3 weeks drop the beer and refined breads
4. Keep drinking water during the day

Other than that I ate what I wanted and when I wanted and I was as happy as Larry and I am still doing the same today. Easy peasy.

P.S. Can I have one of em Pies?

Loose rivets 12th Jan 2009 18:56

Flippin 'ek! That's 19,1/2 stone innit?

Bloke said to me in one of my Christmas pudding phases, "Want to get rid of 20lbs of ugly fat?"

"Yes!" Says I, all wide-eyed with anticipation.

"Cut yer head off." Laughs he, as he beat a hasty retreat.

I've concluded that Lippo-suction is the only real answer. From the day I decided I'd got a weight problem, I've gone from 13 - 15 stone and back with monotonous regularity. Am I right in saying that the cells stay there, we just fill or empty them?

Work like hell to empty them, then see them fill up just by looking at a cake.

That sipping water thing I've talked about. Every time I wanted a cigar or a cake, I sipped at the water. Worked for me.

StaceyF 12th Jan 2009 18:57

Ephedrine/caffeine/aspirin stack.

Together with a gym membership.

The weight will fall off you, you fat ba$tard :ok::ok::ok:

tony draper 12th Jan 2009 19:17

There is a new surgical procedure that could prove helpful, they just connect yer throat directly up to yer bumhole.

Lon More 12th Jan 2009 19:31


The tapeworm diet, if you can stomach it:suspect:

lomapaseo 12th Jan 2009 19:33

Next time you take a picture take off your boots and put on your undershorts, reflections can be quite revealing.

ShyTorque 12th Jan 2009 19:37

Mmm. Now you mention it, I did wonder why is Gingernut naked except for a pair of hobnailed boots...

bnt 12th Jan 2009 19:38

In all serious, though: when you exercise, don't overdo it. If you just start running on the road at that weight, you're putting severe forces on your limbs, especially the joints.

Then there's the heart: there's a "max heart rate" for any person, which is roughly 220 - your age, and you can measure your resting heart rate first thing in the morning. The target heart rate during exercise is at a certain % along that range. Too high, you're just stressing your system, not exercising effectively. This web page gives more details on the calculations. You can get a cheap heart rate monitor from Argos or something, or a more expensive Polar watch if you're flush.

Mr Chips 12th Jan 2009 19:43

you ate all the pies...sounds like a perfect diet.... :ok:

dead_pan 12th Jan 2009 19:50

Okay, here goes.

Three meals a day, 500-600 calories each. Snack mid-afternoon to ward off the hunger pangs, plus something slightly more substantial before beddy-byes. You'll get used to feeling hungry - see as a sort of penance or, if you're that way inclined, a show of solidarity with 90% of the world's population who have to make do with 1 meal a day if they're lucky...

Avoid dairy where poss, also sugary & alcoholic drinks, also processed foods and minimise your meat intake (see it more as an occasional side dish). Stick to your RDAs in particular salt & sugars.

Do this and you'll see an effect within a fortnight. Stick with it and you'll add ten years to your life.

Oh, and for gawds sake do some exercise - low-impact stuff only (walking is good ;))

Good luck!

Standard Noise 12th Jan 2009 19:52

Flippin'eck Ginge, yer making me look like an amateur, stay off the scales!!!

Last time I was 19.5 stone I lost my Class1 medical. BP was 180/100. Spent a few sovs, actually a lot of sovs, on a bike and went out for 8 miles a day, cut out Nigerian Lager and pizza and lost 2 stones in two months. Mind you, I didn't get a christmas card from Dominos that year!:uhoh:

Radar66 12th Jan 2009 19:55


You know what the sad thing is?

Ginger's a nurse by trade (or so I'm led to believe - correct me please if horribly wrong... :\)

Therefore he knows all this sh!t - correct calorie intake per day, 'sensible' excercise, what the weight gain is doing to his body, etc, etc, blah, blah...

so, in my opinion, what he's really subconciously asking of us all is for a jolly good hefty hob nailed kick up his spreading jacksie....

am I right or am I right?! :}

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