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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

Old 7th Aug 2003, 19:29
  #1101 (permalink)  

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Spork, just to redress the balance slightly.

A woman notices a sign in a pet shop window in the High Street, it reads "Clitoris licking Frog - See inside".

She thinks that sounds interesting, and steps inside to speak to the shopkeeper - "Hello" she says











"Bonjour" replies the shopkeeper..




something to offend everyone there I think.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 00:21
  #1102 (permalink)  

stiletto psychopath mk4
 
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I hear that the RSPCA is looking closely at the farmer's wife (possibly related to Tony Martin) who cut off the tails of three rodents with a carving knife, even though they were blind. And it's also considering a complaint against Old Mother Hubbard about not stocking up with enough bones to feed her dog.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 02:57
  #1103 (permalink)  
 
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Those lampreys are truly bothersome. I always used to cut the surfeits off ‘em too, but then I ended up with an enormous pile of them on the worktop in the kitchen, and I couldn’t get rid of them. I contacted the environmental health people to say I had a surplus of surfeits on the work surface, but they just put the phone down on me.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 03:02
  #1104 (permalink)  
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I read somewhere that old Henry V111 had 35,000 peeps executed in a ten year period, they didn't mess about with car thieves in those day I can tell yer.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 03:17
  #1105 (permalink)  

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Wonder if old 'Enry 8 pulled the ******s in using modern sting techniques: "Oyez, Oyez, Oyez, muster in yonder village field the following peeps as ye have been selected to take possession of a heffer, courtesy of 'Is Majesty". Said peeps turn up and are coralled and then put to the rope...

Works over here, but we have dumb criminals (I was gonna add greedy but thought it a mite redundent)

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Old 8th Aug 2003, 06:40
  #1106 (permalink)  
 
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Sylvester Stallone has the same birthdate as President Bush.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 19:23
  #1107 (permalink)  

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The current queen was presented with a 42lb lamprey pie on her coronation. She didn't die, but then she probably didn't eat it. Maybe she gave it to Little Jack Horner.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 19:30
  #1108 (permalink)  
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The post count on this thread prior to this post was one thousand one hundred and onety one,
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 19:32
  #1109 (permalink)  

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Or maybe it was stolen by the Knave of Hearts for his patisserie.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 20:02
  #1110 (permalink)  

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Mr Kipling made exceedingly good tarts as I recall. Or was it "made it with exceedingly good tarts"?

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Old 8th Aug 2003, 20:45
  #1111 (permalink)  

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'Them that takes cakes
Which the Parsee-man bakes
Makes dreadful mistakes'

said Mr (R) Kipling.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 20:50
  #1112 (permalink)  
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Whats with all this foreign Patisserie business?woss wrong with Baker and Confectioners, the served us well for hundreds of years, one don't hold with all these foreign thingies, next thing will be us chaps will be expected to kiss each other on each cheek when we meet, and pee in the street like them foreigners across the channel.
Nothing wrong with Missus Miggins Pie shop in my book.




O woe is me for the merry life
I led beyond the Bar,
And a treble woe for my winsome wife
That weeps at Shalimar.

They have taken away my long jezail,
My shield and sabre fine,
And heaved me into the Central jail
For lifting of the kine.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 22:06
  #1113 (permalink)  

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With us there rade a Maister-Cook that came
From the Rochelle which is neere Angouleme.
Littel hee was, but rounder than a topp,
And his small berd hadde dipped in manie a soppe,
His honde was smoother than beseemeth mann's,
And his discoorse was all of marzipans,
Of tripes of Caen, or Burdeux snailes swote,
And Seinte Menhoulde wher cooken pigges-foote.
To Thoulouse and to Bress and Carcasson
For pyes and fowles and chesnottes hadde hee wonne,
Of hammes of Thuringie colde hee prate,
And well hee knew what Princes hadde on plate
At Christmas-tide, from Artois to Gascogne.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 22:40
  #1114 (permalink)  
 
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Wink

I once sat in a maths lesson and memorised Pi to 20 decimal places, and have never managed to forget it.
Imagine the countless hours of fun this has given the surrounding population for the last 25 years.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 23:02
  #1115 (permalink)  
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Is that from the Canterberry Tales Singaporegirl?

Good stuff, I like to see Engllish as she is meant to be spoke.



Just met a chap in the park I int seen for thirty five years, we used to work together,he don't look much different, cept his hair is grey, its a small world.
PS, my hair will probably be grey now, wherever it is.


OOOH OOOH Carole Vorderman has a short skirt on.

PPS why don't they put that box of letters further down so she has to bend over more, not much to ask is it?.

Last edited by tony draper; 8th Aug 2003 at 23:42.
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Old 8th Aug 2003, 23:45
  #1116 (permalink)  
 
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My immediate thought was that it must have come from "Bowels Opened, Or, A Discovery Of The Neere And Deere Love, Union and Communion Betwixt Christ and The Church, and Consequently Betwixt Him and Every Beleeving Soule." but I stand to be corrected of course.
and also when ladies arrive...
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Old 9th Aug 2003, 00:02
  #1117 (permalink)  

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In fact Mr Draper it was also written by Kipling, as a parody of Chaucer. But I thought you would appreciate the style, if not the praise of foreign cuisine (sorry, cooking).
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Old 9th Aug 2003, 00:37
  #1118 (permalink)  
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Thank you Singaporegirl, one loves Kipling, and as the duly appointed forum zenophobe and misanthropic facist, one is duty bound to point out these dangerous foreign inroads into our language.
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Old 9th Aug 2003, 06:59
  #1119 (permalink)  
 
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Those foreign roads are a problem aren't they? When are they going to realise they should drive on the right side?

I mean the left obviously...
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Old 9th Aug 2003, 22:46
  #1120 (permalink)  

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Sweden it was, I believe, that planned to switch to driving on the left from the right. As in all things grand and governmental it was to be a phased approach. First buses and lorries were to switch and the following week all other vehicles would do the same...

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