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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

Old 11th Dec 2003, 18:31
  #4021 (permalink)  
 
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fish

I sadly miss chicken curries in the People's Republic of Manchester.

(sulk)

Does Brenda really have a ship named after Manchester, or is it one of those Admiralty buildings that get called HMS something or other just to show that it's theirs and no one elses?

Strange breed, them saucy sea sailors: they're incapable of dwelling in a building on dry land without reverting to their strange nautical habits: calling the toilet 'the head', piping the flag up and down, installing a bowsprit through the front window, rolling down the corridor 'against' the swell, holding hands and winking at each other, etc etc.

One understands they call their buildings 'HMS Thingy' or whatever, so they don't confuse it with some army doss house, or, god help us, some RAF beauty parlour.

Ric
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Old 11th Dec 2003, 19:21
  #4022 (permalink)  
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Lots of ships in the real Navy were named after Manchester Ric, one sailed on one called the Manchester Engineer, although in truth she was really called Cairngowan,she underwent a name change, which was never a good idea for a ship for they are sensetive creatures, there were hundreds Manchester Liners, they used to line that Canal at one time,one speaks of the days when the red duster ruled the world, alas all razor blades now.
One understands that filthy scum in Brussels wish to take away the Union flag from Red Duster,and replace it with that dirty EU star spangled rag, one shall visit upon them ones wrath should this occur, for that is a step to far, even for them.


PS Mr Ric the only nautical items Drapesr has retained are ones sextant and cutlass mounted on ones wall, oh yes, and the mounted head of a native who got stroppy with one in Massawah.

Last edited by tony draper; 11th Dec 2003 at 19:36.
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Old 11th Dec 2003, 19:42
  #4023 (permalink)  

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One has noticed a strange and worrying new phenomenon around the country lanes of Northeast – UK.

Driving up a deserted country road in Durham, a large white van was parked at the side of the road bearing the livery of a London florist. Two rather flustered apparatchiks were hurriedly removing most of the foliage from an old and quaint holly tree. One passed the event querulously but thought little more of it other than wondering why they were loading the spoils into the van so surreptitiously.

In yesterdays Times one read that holly is now extremely scarce in the south due to the long dry summer and was fetching record prices at auction – in excess of £4 per lb.

In one of those blinding retrospective moments of situational configuration one realised what this all meant.

Instantaneously conclusions were drawn and one has written to one’s Member of Parliament requesting a private members bill is introduced in time for Christmas 2004 – to instigate a large wall running East – West from sea to sea. One has suggested intermittent gun posts are erected and a large area either side of the wall is lightly mined.

Is nothing sacred, what will those suffern buggas take next. The Tyne Bridge to replace a bridge over the Thames- they sold to the Yanks some years ago when times wos hard?
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Old 11th Dec 2003, 19:52
  #4024 (permalink)  
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Very remiss of you Mr UL730, one should always challenge southeners found lurking in our territory, they are invariably up to no good.
A sound thrashing with a good stout stick followed by a swift kick in the rear is generaly enough to send them scurrying back south,
Perhaps you were wise this time though, flower arrangers tend to be a bit tougher than your average southener.

Last edited by tony draper; 11th Dec 2003 at 22:01.
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Old 11th Dec 2003, 23:26
  #4025 (permalink)  

to sail beyond the sunset
 
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National Anthems

The Guardian (no Times in my local shop and I'm a sucker for Pommie broadsheets) was badmouthing the British National Anthem this morning as having a dodgy tune and crappy words.

So? All National Anthems have dodgy tunes and crap words, except the French, which has a catchy tune and crap words.

I'm with Billy Connolly, make the "Archers Theme" the national anthem. At least the damn thing is easy to remember.

Oh sorry; the pointless information is that the thing was written by Dr Henry Carey in the early 18th century.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 00:00
  #4026 (permalink)  

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France is (weakly) celebrating today the 200th birthday of Hector Berlioz :
- who wrote the most catchy orchestration of above mentionned "Marseillaise"
- whose music and especially operas have been more popular in the UK than in France (first reference for "Les Troyens" on Google is ... Sir Thomas Beecham). Another example of the Prophet in His Own Country syndrome ...
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 00:01
  #4027 (permalink)  

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Twas indeed one of Aunty Brenda's grey floaty target thingys, named after your native Kanton Mr tRicky.

It ad a gun anen elicopter to bash other floaty peeps with.

And a Manchester Corporation bus stop sign on the pavement along the side of the boxy bit with the chimney on top.

And naff curry.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 00:03
  #4028 (permalink)  

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Mr Taildragger55

The UK National Anthem has much to be commended in the little chanted second and final verses.

“Confound their knavish tricks and Confuse their politics” are apt for our dealings with EU and our natural enemies 22 miles south of Dover.

“Thy choicest gifts in store, On her be pleased to pour” sit comfortably with patronage and the Royal Warrant. One remembers until recently that a Knightsbridge tradesman with interests in hotels and allegedly insecure safes was a proud recipient – demonstrating the unique, quaint and encompassing nature of British life.

The tune is a rousing call to arms and we should remain steadfast and true.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 00:19
  #4029 (permalink)  
 
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fish

One wonders why Ol' Brenda continues to paint her dreadnaughts such a dull shade of grey, seeing as modern technology means that they can be detected halfway around the world by satellites, underwater cable sensors, etc etc. Jesus, a coat of grey paint isn't gonna deter a cruise missile launched 100km over the horizon, is it? Or a satellite targetted ICBM or whatever.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

"Oh Cedric, that smart coat of paint saved us!"

"Indeed, Rupert, your turn on top".

Might as well paint them something a bit more cheering. Bet half those jolly jack tars'd go for pink or yellow, the puffs. "Ooh, I reckon yellow wi' pink can look really masculine if you have the shoulders to carry it off, don't you agree Rating Flossie?" "Aye aye, Cap'n Twinkie, a-harrrrr" "Pieces o' eight, pieces o' eight".

Anyways, grey's a waste of time. Makes it hard for the helicopters to find their way back again too. And sailors going for a dip can easily get lost swimming back. Many of them crabbies would be delighted if they put bloody big flood lights on 'em, and turned 'em all white. Make 'em look like a... cruise liner. Wi' weapons and stuff.

Oh, and a proper swimming pool at the back.

Do grizzled-bearded captains still scan the horizon with cold blues eyes, one wonders?

Ric
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 00:30
  #4030 (permalink)  
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One explained this phenomena in a post many moons ago Ric, the cousins made the gray funnel line buy 100 million cans of gray paint they could not get rid of, before they would issued them those 1st world war destroyers during our last bout of unpleasentness with the chaps sausage side.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 01:09
  #4031 (permalink)  

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Marlene Dietrich: Tallulah, that's a beautiful gown you are wearing. What colour is it?
Tallulah Bankhead: It's called battleship grey, dahling.
Marlene: Battleship grey, how lovely. But don't you think it's a little tight around the boiler-room?
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 01:16
  #4032 (permalink)  
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Jean Harlow to Margot Fontein.

"Margot? thats a funny name"

"The T is silent darling, as in Harlot"

Fitfty points that was worth.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 01:34
  #4033 (permalink)  
 
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WTF is up with the Toronto Maple Leafs and their current winning streak. I mean they aren't even a good team. Hmmm, everyone else must by playing lousy.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 03:26
  #4034 (permalink)  

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A Ruppell's vulture was winging along quite happily at 37,000' when it collided with an aircraft over Abidjan in 1973. Feathers and remains were positively identified by US Museum of Natural History.

One saw a skein of geese this morning and by using a complex formula, that one devised the previous evening, after consuming a particularly fine 13 year old dram from a distillery overlooking the Sound of Islay, one calculated that they were at an altitude between 58,000' and 63,360'

As far as one is aware geese are not RVSM compliant and belligerently ignore ISA and therefore do not register their levels on 1013. One therefore accepts a small vertical deviation in one's calculations.

One has brought this to NATS attention and one anticipates a GEETAM to be issued shortly

Last edited by UL730; 12th Dec 2003 at 13:55.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 05:08
  #4035 (permalink)  

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Wouldn't usually bother but one doesn't get the chance to correct Mr Draper too often. The quoted conversation was in fact with Noel Coward after Ms Harlow split Noel into two syllables.

"The E is silent madam," sniffed Coward, "like the T in Harlow." Can't imagine Ms Fonteyn coming up with that line.

Quite right about the 50 points though. Difficult to imagine a comeback. Game, set and match Coward.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 05:23
  #4036 (permalink)  

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Have just been reading about shoes made from stingray skin. Apparently they are scuff resistant and pretty indestructible - Attila the Hun used stingray skin for making armoured clothing.

Must look out for some skins in the Seychelles.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 05:24
  #4037 (permalink)  
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One stands corrected Mr B, .
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 05:54
  #4038 (permalink)  

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Have just been reading about shoes made from stingray skin. Apparently they are scuff resistant and pretty indestructible
£5 at Asda Pudsey (Rollback).

Didn't have my size.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 06:04
  #4039 (permalink)  

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Saw on the telly sometime this year that most of the stingray skin used in the western world comes from India.

How many Rs crore does this business bring to India ? (I recently learnt a new word and I was wondering how I would be able to use it in conversation)

For those interested 1 Rs crore is roughly 125,763.48 Pounds sterling.

Last edited by Bre901; 12th Dec 2003 at 06:17.
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Old 12th Dec 2003, 06:31
  #4040 (permalink)  
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Buggah, does this mean one won't be able to wear ones Jedi cloak and light sabre, at official functions.?
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