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RIP Iain Pattinson, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

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RIP Iain Pattinson, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

Old 18th Feb 2021, 10:31
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RIP Iain Pattinson, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

One of the very few offerings by the BBC that I still like, ISIHAC has some brilliantly scripted double entendres and other jokes, many of them from the fertile imagination of Iain Pattinson over the last 30 years, especially the Chairman's script and Samantha jokes...

"Samantha has to slip out now, she's agreed to go out on a trawler to learn all about fishing, and has already made many friends amongst the crew. She's particularly looking forward to helping to toss the buoys over the side of the boat".

"Samantha tells me she has to nip across to Regent's Park Zoo to help look for a missing snake, and she's promised not to return until she finds the keeper's adder behind the reptile house..."

I believe he was also behind Stephen Fry's contribution to the Uxbridge English Dictionary - "Countryside: the assassination of Piers Morgan". Broadcast on Christmas Day, I nearly died laughing and had to wriggle out of explaining it to my mother...

It's survived the deaths of Humph and Willie Rushton, I missed the last series without TB-T, will it still be as funny now...?

RIP Iain, thanks for making me laugh so much - and when you see my mum, you can explain the Piers Morgan joke...
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 12:04
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She asked for a double entendre, so he gave her one .
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 12:06
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Samantha has a good friend called John, who is really good at cooking. He specialises in cooking offal. Samantha's favourite is his Tongue in cider.
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 12:44
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Fill yer boots.

https://www.ivorysky.com/isihac/index.php

My favourite - "Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her."

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Old 18th Feb 2021, 12:49
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I can't remember the text of the one about people from Scunthorpe, but myself and the audience were crying with laughter.

RIP
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 12:53
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Uplinker, I recall Scunthorpe was in reference to Nottingham having originally being named Snottingham.
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 14:05
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Samantha has an Italian gentleman friend who has promised to take her out for an ice cream, and she likes nothing better than to spend the evening licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.

Brilliant !
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 14:17
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Whilst I never knew the name, I really enjoyed the scripts. Now I know the name too. Thank you Iain.
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Old 18th Feb 2021, 18:40
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Samantha’s new gentleman friend is very wealthy but doesn’t like to spend his money. He’s partial to a bit of flattery, so Samantha thinks if she spends the evening buttering him up, he’ll splash out eventually......
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Old 19th Feb 2021, 09:22
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From https://baggy.livejournal.com/683734.html :

"Nottingham is a fine city with a fascinating history. It's well documented in official records that the city's original name was 'Snottingham', or 'Home of Snots', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the letter 'S', so decreed the town be called 'Nottingham' or the 'Home of Notts'. It's easy to understand why this change was resisted so fiercely by the people of Scunthorpe."
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Old 19th Feb 2021, 09:32
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Well done TNF!

The introductions to "Sound Charades"...

"The experts expert on Give Us A Clue, was Lionel Blair. Who can ever forget opposing team captain Una Stubbs sitting open mouthed as he tried to pull off Twelve Angry Men in under two minutes!"

"
Give Us A Clue certainly provided many memorable moment as the players performed against a strict time limit. We particular recall one very early show when Una Stubbs scored maximum points after the teams took only a few seconds to recognise her Fanny By Gaslight."

Introducing the programme recorded in Reading

"Probably Reading's most famous temporary resident was Oscar Wilde, who, in that less enlightened Victorian time, served two years hard labour in prison here, for what the Town's Guide describes as a 'Social Indiscretion'. According to Lord Alfred Douglas, Oscar was as indiscrete as a nine bob note."
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Old 19th Feb 2021, 10:04
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Thank you TNF ! That was the one. I would not have known where to look for it.

What made the chairman's scripts even funnier was that Humph read the lines straight, in that engaging gravelly voice of his, as if he didn't notice the alternative meanings, and the joy of it was getting the sexual references past the censors.
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Old 20th Feb 2021, 14:16
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And of course he wrote Raab C Brexit.
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Old 20th Feb 2021, 18:35
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"Samantha has an appointment with a roofing insulation contractor. She is hoping to get felt laid down in her loft."

I was most disappointed after being lucky enough to get audience tickets for this in St Albans a few years ago, that Samantha was not on duty that night and Sven was doing the scoring.
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Old 21st Feb 2021, 18:35
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One of my all time favourites was a round where the panel had to suggest songs that would be quite different if one letter were removed from the original title. For example, “Don’t put your daughter on the stag Mrs. Worthington”, “I’ve got you under my ski” and “Living next door to lice”. Brilliant!
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Old 21st Feb 2021, 18:58
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There was a link somewhere to the Julie Andrews Dirty Song Book.

"I could have (bleep)ed all night..."
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Old 21st Feb 2021, 19:11
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Originally Posted by Doug E Style View Post
One of my all time favourites was a round where the panel had to suggest songs that would be quite different if one letter were removed from the original title. For example, “Don’t put your daughter on the stag Mrs. Worthington”, “I’ve got you under my ski” and “Living next door to lice”. Brilliant!

We had a variation on that theme on here a few years back - change a letter (or word?) and spoil the film or some such title...


Samantha has to nip off to the National Opera where she's been giving private tuition to the singers. Having seen what she did to the baritone, the director is keen to see what she might do for a tenor.
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