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Stupid job titles

Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:27
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Stupid job titles

I'm sure we've all rolled our eyes at made-up titles intended to improve the status of a job, but this one really takes the biscuit.

A month ago we bought a new AEG cooker. A customer survey just arrived, from someone with the glorious title "Ownership Journey Manager, UK"
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:34
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"Ownership Journey Manager, UK"
Tell them where to go?
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:37
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Sure I've mentioned this before but I once (out of sheer boredom you understand) read the "do's and don'ts" notice on a TfL bus magic-carpeting me into Croydon. If I was unhappy with any aspect of my journey, I should bring it to the attention of my Personal Transportation Facilitator when it was safe to do so... I make that 12 syllables where two would do.

Imagine: instead of "thank you driver!" as one alights, it would be "thank you personal transportat... oi! Wry have you shut the doors?"
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:38
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Originally Posted by ShyTorque View Post
Tell them where to go?
That's what I call reaching out to some one!
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:41
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My big dislike is ‘Human Resources’. What was wrong with Personnel Department.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 12:57
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There seems to be a more general principle now, that people mustn't be called "workers" or "employees", so every organisation has to come up with some sort of clumsy synonym. The people who empty our bins are called "operatives", but possibly the worst is the big supermarket chain that tries to make their employees feel more included by calling them "colleagues". That's fine in internal communications, but sounds totally wrong in the store, when PA announcements tell anyone needing assistance to ask a colleague; I'm pretty sure none of my colleagues will be able to tell me which aisle the sausages have been moved to this week...
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:15
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Any job title in the BBC is bound to be daft.

They have a place called "The Office of the Head of People".

You couldn't make it up. We need a modern Monty Python of BBA foibles.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:16
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Back in 1975, the Painters in a Merseyside factory I worked in decided to call themselves "Artwork Decorators".
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:32
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Originally Posted by Ancient Observer View Post
Any job title in the BBC is bound to be daft.

They have a place called "The Office of the Head of People".

You couldn't make it up. We need a modern Monty Python of BBA foibles.

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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:44
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Originally Posted by DON T View Post
My big dislike is ‘Human Resources’. What was wrong with Personnel Department.
Staff will be called 'Carbon based Assets' forthwith.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:54
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Railtrack I was told had Fast Action Response Teams (FART) to deal with suicides etc as we had one (suicide that is !) next door to a site where we were working with Railtrack. I think they changed the name quickly thereafter.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 13:58
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Originally Posted by hiflymk3 View Post
Staff will be called 'Carbon based Assets' forthwith.
CBA! Like it, as in Can't Be Arsed!

Originally Posted by Mr Mac View Post
Railtrack I was told had Fast Action Response Teams (FART) to deal with suicides etc as we had one (suicide that is !) next door to a site where we were working with Railtrack. I think they changed the name quickly thereafter.
Cheers
Mr Mac
When we was called Tarmac back in the late 1990s, one of our IT guys told me they'd just had a meeting and would henceforth be known as Tarmac Information Technology Support. "Ah, TITS!" said I before thinking it through. Cue a rethink...
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:16
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Originally Posted by Mr Mac View Post
Railtrack I was told had Fast Action Response Teams (FART) to deal with suicides etc as we had one (suicide that is !) next door to a site where we were working with Railtrack. I think they changed the name quickly thereafter.
Cheers
Mr Mac
Modern signal boxes, correction - Area Signalling Centres - have Automatic Route Setting Equipments or A.R.S.E. for short. This was rapidly changed to Automatic Routeing Equipment shortened to A.R.S.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:21
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In a job title worthy of that excellent series W1A June Sarpong has been appointed, "Director of Creative Diversity". The Torygraph of May 23rd had a piece explaining how, "broadcasting executives will be "bullish" in urging information-gathering on gender identity, sexuality, race, disability and economic background......
I read the piece carefully. There's nothing on ensuring that the right person will get the job. This is the sort of thinking that got Radio 2 totally FUBAR.

Last edited by RedhillPhil; 5th Jun 2020 at 08:36.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:30
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When confronted by some jumped up pompous git trying to glorify his existence, I have in the past referred to myself as Metal Fusion Technological Lecturer at The Royal Welding Academy. Welder!
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:40
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Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
That's what I call reaching out to some one!
I do try to accommodate all sorts.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:42
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Originally Posted by Ancient Observer View Post
Any job title in the BBC is bound to be daft.

They have a place called "The Office of the Head of People".

You couldn't make it up. We need a modern Monty Python of BBA foibles.
I think it all started with the Ministry of Silly Walks.
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 14:46
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Few years ago, one of the Railco's had a grandiose scheme 'Organising For Quality', shortened to 'O4Q'!
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 15:12
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Originally Posted by ShyTorque View Post
Tell them where to go?
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Old 4th Jun 2020, 15:18
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Originally Posted by DaveReidUK View Post
At the 2:45 mark of that video, he mentions having nowhere to sit down to keep everyone on their toes. Some time ago, a friend of mine walked into a meeting at his former company to find all the chairs had been removed from the room because the manager didn't like seeing people sitting around doing nothing (BTW, the same manager was the one who called all the staff in for those very meetings). After seeing this video, I wonder if his manager saw it, failed to realize it was meant to be humour and took the suggestion seriously.
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